You see, I found this folded parchment under my desk the other day. It seemed like a strange place for what looked like a prop from some sort of a magic school in a castle somewhere in England. I opened it to find… it was BLANK inside. That’s lame; so I was about to toss in it in the recycling bin, when I remembered that I had something locked up in the back of my filing cabinet for situations such as these. I rifled through all of the folders to the very back where I pulled out an older folder, gilded at the edges, with a spine I had sewn myself and ‘Larrie’s Only’ written on it in fancy calligraphy (I did that myself, too). I opened it up and pulled out my wand.*
I tapped the wand on the paper and tried a few spells:
“I burn thy name so it shall be cast out of my memory; your name is as cold as ice, to get over you would be nice.”**
“What I want is written here, please take my dream and bring it near.”
“bippity boppity boo”
As I was about to give up and put away my precious wand (where now the entire internet knows it’s hiding place), I thought of just ONE more spell…
“I solemnly swear that I am procrastinating work.”
Writing began to appear on the parchment so I, of course, read it out loud as it did (for dramatic effect):
“Purveyors of aids to magical mischief-makers are proud to present the Marauders Map.”
Huh? I checked to see if I was somehow in a movie or the plot of a best-selling novel. (I did this by pinching myself.)
Back to the parchment. Oh, look! It’s now a map. And it’s a map of work with little moving dots everywhere. I looked closer at the dots: there’s Freddy in the onsite gym; McJosh in the bathroom; Bethy the Third outside, probably smoking.
As I reviewed the map, I saw a smattering of secret passageways. All this time, I thought the phone closet was just a phone closet, but no… it leads to UNI***. And then there’s a men’s bathroom downstairs that has a direct route from the last stall to Cabella’s… long walk. I noticed, though, that there weren’t any Women’s bathrooms listed. Guess the map makers were men.
I started scanning the map for my boss, the boss’s boss, etc. Now I know when to sit up in my chair at work because they’re walking by, and when I need to find them for all of the signatures required before releasing an application to production, it won’t take me an entire day. What a handy little map.
I said, “mischief managed,” the map disappeared and I folded up the parchment paper and put it in the secret folder in my filing cabinet, next to the spit-filled wand.****
*My wand has a core made of dragon spit; take THAT Harry and your unicorn hair.
**Who knew there were scores of websites decided to spells where you can find such gems as the “getting over someone” spell?
***UNI: University Neuropsychiatric Institute… I think this is where Therapy Thursdays should take place.
**** Working in IT is even geekier when you make up stories about using magical maps to try and find people for sign-off sheets.