therapy thursdays

Wishing I could go back to Seattle and Portland…

Do I need to write a little intro every week explaining the oddness that is my personal therapy appointment with an imaginary doctor… on my blog? I know; it’s true; it’s strange, but would you expect anything less?

DOC: You’re late.

LRE: Probably.

DOC: No. Not probably. You are.

LRE: Well, at least I’m here. That means that I’m back and back at work, too.

DOC: Oh, right… how was your vacation?

LRE: Very good and I would like to go back now.

DOC: But, you can’t because you have to earn money to pay the bills.

LRE: Shucks.

DOC: So do you want to tell me about your vacation?

LRE: It was practically perfect in every way.

DOC: Like Mary Poppins?

LRE: Pretty much. Except for there weren’t any chalk paintings that we could jump into.

DOC: Maybe next time.

LRE: Maybe. Here; I brought some pics.

DOC: Just some, huh?

LRE: Unless you want to sit down and look at all 304 that we took in four days with me…

DOC: Oh my. Thank you for only bringing some.

LRE: Sure. Click here for the slideshow.

DOC: Oh, a URL… how nice.

The Quirks of LRE

Hooray it’s Thursday, which means you’re getting ever closer to the fabulous weekend, but it also means it’s time for everyone’s favorite weekly blog: Therapy Thursdays. The stage is set with a nice chaise lounge chair under a big window with a brilliantly yellow and orange sweetgum tree just outside. Sounds idyllic? In walks the DOC with, for some strange reason, a large (and rather old school) head mirror atop his forehead. LRE (that’s ME! Larrie) follows him in, kicks off her sandals and stretches out on the chaise with her hands behind her head. Our scene begins…

DOC: Well, you look comfortable.

LRE: Yeah, it’s nice to stretch out. Hey… why do you have that big circle thing on your head?

DOC: Don’t worry about it. (DOC removes his odd headgear.)

LRE: Okay, now I can talk to you normal.

DOC: You’re normal?

LRE: Ha, sure; let’s pretend.

DOC: Right, cuz I read on your friend, Lindsey’s blog that you’re “always quirky! HA!”

LRE: And be grateful for that, too, because I offer a good laugh by my quirkiness.

DOC: So how would you define your quirkiness?

LRE: In six ways.

DOC: Really? So you’ve thought about this already?

LRE: Not exactly; but according to the tag, that’s what I’m supposed to do – come up with six personal quirks.

DOC: Well, that should be easy.

LRE: Not really; they’re all pretty much already on my lists of 100 I’ve made previously.

DOC: Okay then, missy… be creative and come up with something new.

LRE: Right-o…here we go with numero uno.

DOC: Oh there you go… you throw in random Spanish phrases.

LRE: Yeah, yeah, that’s a good one, thanks DOC. It’s true, too. I don’t really SPEAK Spanish, but I certainly attempted to learn it enough to get some decent grades in my Spanish classes at the mighty BYU. And now, I throw in random phrases every now and then. I say ‘bueno’ a lot, along with ‘se me fue’ and sometimes add ‘la onda’ to the phrase. I also use ‘pobrecito’ when people complain about aches and pains to me and they may use it back at me. There are certainly others, but that’s a good list.

DOC: That’s good. Quirk number one defined.

LRE: Okay, so on to number two: I’ve had six dislocations so far.

DOC: Really? Wow, try this. (DOC tries to push all his right-hand fingers back with his left hand.)

LRE: That’s what doctors always ask me to do when I say that, but my fingers don’t go anywhere. My chiropractor thinks I have bad tendons and gave me some natural supplements to help.

DOC: Ah, yes, the witch doctor.

LRE: Yes, I like him, thank you very much.

DOC: Okay, so that was quirk number two. Bring on three.

LRE: Um… (staring out the window at the pretty fall foliage)… I own two cats.

DOC: Shoot, girl; that should have been number ONE.

LRE: I know, seriously. BUT, I’ll have you know, that these are EXOCTIC cats bred from the WILD asian leopard cats so I could have my own little leopards that like to play fetch.

DOC: They play fetch?

LRE: Just one; but that’s the cat’s quirk, not mine.

DOC: Okay so that’s number three. Along those same lines, you probably have some quirky behavior because of those two cats… excuse me, those two EXOCTIC cats.

LRE: It’s possible. Last night, I stopped by the store on the way home from soccer to pick up some cream cheese and they had kitty litter on sale. It was TWO BUCKS OFF! So, I, of course stocked up on three 30-lb bags.

DOC: Yeah, that’s a GOOD quirk. And what time were you stocking up on kitty toiletries?

LRE: Around 11:00 p.m. BUT, I’ll have you know, that I probably looked a lot like the crazy cat lady as I carried ALL THREE bags, at the SAME time, in from the car, up the stairs inside my condo and to the back laundry room without dropping them OR hurting my back.

DOC: Ha! Must have been a sight. Thanks for sharing with the internet.

LRE: Sure thing.

DOC: Okay, that was a good number four quirk. Five?

LRE: Right, well, how about the fact that people call me Larrie? I think that’s a bit unusually for such a gorgeous babe such as myself.

DOC: A bit, yes.

LRE: Blame my brothers… and the Christmas Elf that I made up for James back in the day that delivered Christmas treats to a flannel stocking I had made and hung from his dresser. The Elf’s name was Larry. Somehow, Jarv determined that the “feminine” spelling of that would be Larrie and wrote all his letters home from Hungarian to me addressed as such. Freshman year at the BY, my roommates helped me determine that the I. E. stood for innocent energy (which was a secret connection back to a letter I had received from a boy). Wow, yeah; there’s definitely a bit of quirkiness in the “history” of that nickname.

DOC: Nice work; you’ve got five quirks down, one to go. Make it a good one.

LRE: I wake up with a different and very random song in my head every morning.

DOC: How random?

LRE: The other morning, it was the hymn “Did You Think to Pray?” Then this morning, if I remember correctly, it was “Down” by 311.

DOC: Definitely two very different types.

LRE: Yeah, I would almost say, “anything, but country,” but that’s not true.

DOC: What? You mean… you listen to country music now?

LRE: No, no, no, no. Silly DOC. It’s because one of my BYU roommates, Ms. Hi-zatch, used to sing the same song in the mornings… I only really remembered one line: (LRE starts singing be-autifully) “good morning beautiful, how was your night?”

DOC: Oh, right; that’s from “Good Morning Beautiful” by Steve Holy.

LRE: Did you google that?

DOC: Why yes, I did.

LRE: Nice work. While you’re busy googling over there (apparently, the DOC now has a laptop on his lap and is busily typing away), google how to win a FREE HAND BAG, too!

If You’ve Been Dumped, Your Brain Will Eventually Get Over Him

Bring on this week’s fabulous installment of Therapy Thursdays where Larrie gets her much-needed therapy from the Doc (hey… imaginary therapy works, too, and costs less).

DOC: You made it; would you like to discuss what everybody else is discussing?

LRE: Who’s everybody else?

DOC: Yaknow, all of my patients.

LRE: Unless you’re scheduling therapy sessions with all my other personalities without telling the main me, you don’t have any other patients.

DOC: Well, if I did, they’d all be living in fear because of the economy.

LRE: Oo, no, let’s not talk about that. There’s too MUCH to say.

DOC: So you think this blog would be too long if we went down that path of discussion?

LRE: More like a path of destruction and definitely, yes, it would be too long. Here’s a great link for the best economic blog, in my not-so-humble opinion. We’ll leave it at that.

DOC: Gotcha… one of those underlined things. Okay, then let’s talk about something else F-U-N.

LRE: Oh yeah? What have ya got in mind there, Doc?

DOC: Dating, of course.

LRE: Oh, how super.

DOC: I did some research… well, basically I clicked on one of those blue underlined things from MSN’s homepage and came across some interesting little facts about love.

LRE: Oh good, love.

DOC: Yes, should make for an interesting conversation.

LRE: All conversations in my head are interesting. Okay then, Doc—bring it.

DOC: So, scanning over this list… oh here we go. Here’s something talking about office romances and it says, “the single biggest predictor of love is proximity.”

LRE: Oh that’s a very true statement.

DOC: Oh yeah? Got something juicy to share from work?

LRE: Not exactly, but the statement about proximity, I think, is very true.

DOC: Well, duh, that’s a given.

LRE: Yeah, apparently, even some guy living in Phoenix is too far away for much of a relationship.

DOC: Plus, who would want to live in Phoenix?

LRE: Seriously.

DOC: So no office romances?

LRE: Not that I’m going to tell my imaginary doctor, but Stacky and I do have a good time discussing romances in general and coming up with nicknames for the lucky men who take me out.

DOC: Oh, now we’re getting somewhere interesting… nicknames, huh? Let’s discuss…

LRE: Yeah, there’s some good ones, but it’s hard to keep track.

DOC: Ha, I bet… stop being so facetious and share a nickname or two already.

LRE: All right; there are the good rhyming ones like “Shuttle Boy Toy Troy.”

DOC: Oh yeah, that is a good one.

LRE: Yep. And then there’s odd ones which really make fun of our nerdiness for working where we work.

DOC: Huh? Didn’t follow that one.

LRE: Well, see, that guy in Phoenix area, we called him Milk Protein.

DOC: Yeah, I definitely don’t follow.

LRE: It’s because we have a test here for an allergen to the protein in dairy products… called casein. Anyway, Phoenix’s name was similar to that so we, of course, called him Milk Protein.

DOC: And did he have a milk moustache and did he turn his head to the right when you kissed?

LRE: Yes and mostly.

DOC: So, other nicknames?

LRE: Of course, there are plenty, but two is good enough for now.

DOC: Fine; don’t share.

LRE: Fine; I won’t.

DOC: Oh, come on, please?

LRE: You’re begging? Fine, I’ll just throw out a few more: SU (for stood up), UFSteve, and TBBF (for to-be boyfriend). There ya go. Anything else from your FASCINATING MSN article?

DOC: Thank you for sharing and yes… here’s one. Says that 11% of women have researched a guy online. Have you?

LRE: But of course. I’m surprised that number is so low.

DOC: So anything interesting from that research?

LRE: No; sorry.

DOC: Oh, thought that would be a good question. Hmm, let’s see if there’s one more good one.

LRE: Yes, let’s.

DOC: Here’s one… it says that after you get dumped, you love the person even more… for a time.

LRE: Really?

DOC: Because the “brain regions that lit up when we were in a happy union continue to be active.”

LRE: Oh, okay. That makes sense then.

DOC: How so?

LRE: Well, I was thinking about how quickly I got over one certain relationship a wee bit ago.

DOC: How quick?

LRE: Really quick… like one day quick.

DOC: So then how does that make sense?

LRE: Because it refers to being in a happy union.

DOC: Oh, well then… good thing that relationship is over then.

LRE: Definitely.

DOC: What was his nickname?

LRE: Don’t worry about it.

Laconic Answers

It’s time for everyone’s favorite weekly installment of Larrie’s imaginary therapy session with her very smart, very imaginary doctor. Game on.

DOC: Welcome, welcome.

LRE: Thank you, thank you.

DOC: Glad you could make it this week.

LRE: Ah, gee, thanks, doc. But really, I make it every week… for the sake of my loyal blog readers.

DOC: How many loyal readers do you have?

LRE: A handful.

DOC: Really?

LRE: Yeah; just cuz they don’t really comment doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

DOC: Okay; go ahead and keep telling yourself that.

LRE: I will; thank you very much.

DOC: So should we get to my list of questions that we never got to last week?

LRE: You have a list of questions?

DOC: Well, sort of. And I didn’t actually have them from last week, but thanks to Shanny, I have them now.

LRE: Oh, so you really didn’t put any time into it, but just swiped a list of questions from my buddy ol’ pal’s blog?

DOC: So?

LRE: Just so long as we know where you got them from.

DOC: Well, she said that any of the blogs linked to from her blog could do it and I was rather surprised that your blog was linked.

LRE: Why would you be surprised?

DOC: Because who would link to a blog like this?

LRE: The better question would be: WHO WOULDN’T?

DOC: Oh… right.

LRE: So do you want to discuss your borrowed list?

DOC: Yes, let’s.

LRE: Okay, I’m ready. Bring it.

DOC: All righty, dighty… the rule is that you have to give one word answers only.

LRE: Wow, seriously? You expect me to be laconic?

DOC: Exactly.

LRE: Do you realize who you’re talking to?

DOC: It’s all in your head, babe… it’ll be a good exercise for ya.

LRE: Right, sure. I’ll give it my bestest.

DOC: Ready? Okay… Where is your cell phone?

LRE: Desk.

DOC: This will be hard for you, what with the lack of including a verb with your subject on that one, eh?

LRE: Next?

DOC: Right, right… where is your significant other?

LRE: Gambling.

DOC: What?

LRE: Next?

DOC: Your hair color?

LRE: Rainbow.

DOC: You’re not supposed to lie.

LRE: Next?

DOC: Your mother?

LRE: Tidy.

DOC: Your father?

LRE: Punny.

DOC: I think you’re supposed to choose real words here, missy.

LRE: Next?

DOC: You’re doing well at being so laconic… Your favorite thing?

LRE: Soccer.

DOC: Your dream last night?

LRE: Fuzzy.

DOC: Wow, that’s unusual for you… right, next… Your dream/goal?

LRE: Retirement.

DOC: Ha… The room you’re in?

LRE: Cubicle.

DOC: Your hobby?

LRE: Blogging.

DOC: Your fear?

LRE: Debt.

DOC: Where do you want to be in 6 years?

LRE: Yard.

DOC: What you’re not?

LRE: Morningperson.

DOC: Hey, just because you say two words REAL FAST doesn’t make them one word.

LRE: Next?

DOC: One of your wish-list items?

LRE: London.

DOC: Where were you last night?

LRE: Soccer.

DOC: Where you grew up?

LRE: Utah.

DOC: The last thing you did?

LRE: Email.

DOC: What are you wearing?

LRE: Underwear.

DOC: Your TV?

LRE: Beautiful.

DOC: Your pet?

LRE: Beautiful.

DOC: Your computer?

LRE: Multiple.

DOC: Your mood?

LRE: Hungry.

DOC: Missing someone?

LRE: Megs.

DOC: Your car?

LRE: Tank.

DOC: Something you’re not wearing?

LRE: Earrings.

DOC: Favorite store?

LRE: Albertson’s.

DOC: Your summer?

LRE: Short.

DOC: Love someone?

LRE: Family.

DOC: Your favorite color?

LRE: Blue.

DOC: When is the last time you laughed?

LRE: Today.

DOC: Last time you cried?

LRE: Yesterday.

DOC: Really? You? Why?

LRE: Next?

DOC: That’s it; I’m done. Why’d you cry?

LRE: I’m really hungry… time for lunch.

A Quirky Game of Tag

Hooray for Thursdays and another fabulous installment of Larrie’s weekly therapy with her imaginary Doc. For some blog readers, this is what they look forward to—it helps them make it to the weekend.

DOC: Welcome, please sit down.

LRE: So formal.

DOC: I’m trying a new thing.

LRE: What? Acting like a doctor?

DOC: Something along those lines.

LRE: Great; just so long as you’re still imaginary and therefore I still don’t have to pay you.

DOC: Right-o. I’ve got a list of questions to discuss.

LRE: Nah; that’s okay.

DOC: But… but, I put so much time into coming up with these.

LRE: Really?

DOC: Sure, why not?

LRE: K, save them for next week.

DOC: Why? Do you have another list of 100 random things all about YOU?

LRE: No; that requires more effort than your list of questions.

DOC: Fine; what have ya got then?

LRE: I’ve been tagged.

DOC: You’ve… been… tagged…?

LRE: Yes; thanks for repeating it. Katie tagged me.

DOC: Kate did, huh? That still doesn’t explain what you’re talking about. Are you playing freeze tag?

LRE: Not exactly; it’s blog tag and I don’t think anybody crawls under your legs to unfreeze you in this game.

DOC: Blog tag, huh? So we’re expecting some of those hyperlink things where the text is underlined and blue?

LRE: Yes, a few.

DOC: All right, fine. Explain this blog tag then.

LRE: Right. Katie wrote the “rules” on her blog as she had received them from the person that tagged her.

DOC: Of course; you have to have clear rules. And what are they?

LRE: Let’s see… I link back to her (done), talk about the rules on my blog, tell six unspectacular quirks about me, tag six other bloggers and then leave comments on their blogs that I’ve tagged them.

DOC: Interesting rules. And these rules ask you to write YOUR rules about YOUR blog? YOU have rules?

LRE: Well, I wouldn’t exactly say that’s what it’s supposed to mean—talking about the rules on my blog and all—it really means that I need to explain the “tag rules” here on my blog, but I could briefly mention my daily posts as the “rules” for MY blog.

DOC: You mean—there’s more than JUST our Thursday appointments?

LRE: Hate to break it to ya, Doc, but you’re only one of usually six entries a week.

DOC: I’m crushed; I was under the impression that we were exclusive.

LRE: Ha—that would be silly.

DOC: Well, I’m afraid to ask out of jealousy, but what are the others?

LRE: Monday is my “freebie” day, Tuesday is the quote of the week, Wednesday is the cell phone pic of the week, you and I have our Thursdays, Friday is about work and Saturday I try and review a book.

DOC: You don’t sound very committed to Saturdays.

LRE: Yeah; Saturday doesn’t always give me enough attention so I’m not as committed, but there’s also lots of soccer now that it’s fall and I haven’t managed to sit down at a laptop when there’s running and scoring goals to be done.

DOC: Well, I suppose it’s good to know your rules.

LRE: Sure.

DOC: K, so what was next? Six unspectacular quirks about you?

LRE: Yeah.

DOC: Who chose to describe your quirks with unspectacular?… sort of an oxymoron there.

LRE: Almost. I can see your point, but my idiosyncrasies aren’t exactly spectacular—just odd.

DOC: All right; you list them and stop naming synonyms for quirk instead.

LRE: Let’s see… first, I keep telling myself that one day I will master “mind over mattress” but it just never happens.

DOC: I suppose that there ARE people out there who like mornings.

LRE: I suppose so, too, but I don’t really want to hear about that. I hate mornings and each morning, a different Larrie wakes up determined to come up with one reason after another to continue hitting the snooze button.

DOC: That button should never have been invented.

LRE: Seriously.

DOC: K, that was one.

LRE: Right; I better hurry this up as I’m rambling and nobody wants to read long blog entries.

DOC: Do you ever have SHORT entries?

LRE: STOP interrupting me. Number two would be that I hate doing dishes, however, since buying my own little condo, I have NEVER, NOT EVEN ONCE, left a pot or pan in the sink overnight. (But that does not relate to cookie sheets or muffin tins.)

DOC: Don’t tell your mom. She’ll wonder why you didn’t do that at home.

LRE: No she won’t. I was okay at doing my own dishes.

DOC: Hmm… maybe I’ll ask her.

LRE: Fine. Moving right along to number three: I think I’m really funny.

DOC: You’re not supposed to think of yourSELF as funny.

LRE: I know, but the thing is, I don’t think other people think I’m nearly as funny as I THINK I AM.

DOC: Do you really care?

LRE: Course not. Okay, number four would be that I had a really hard time misspelling the word millennium in an IM chat today.

DOC: Why were you misspelling it?

LRE: For comedic purposes, of course. But purposely misspelling is so difficult; ESPECIALLY when you type 90+ wpm and therefore don’t type by letter, but type by word. It really cut down on my typing speed.

DOC: Sounds rough. Okay so on to number five.

LRE: Thanks. For the sake of time, I’m going to say five AND six BEFORE you can interrupt me.

DOC: Oh, good…


DOC: Sor-

LRE: SERIOUSLY, STOP. That wasted four lines. Sheesh. (Speaking REALLY fast now…) Five-would-be-that-I-have-a-crooked-toe-again-and-Six-would-be-that-I’m-really-bummed-I-don’t-have-a-piano-in-my-condo. The. End.

DOC: Well, I think I caught that last bit.

LRE: And I’m done.

DOC: Except you need to tag six more. Pick six that also need therapy, k?

LRE: Don’t we all probably need it?

DOC: Not you; you’re self medicated.

LRE: Saves me money. K, I tag Puck, Nettie, Nichole, Pete, Thane and Laina. Who wants to put money down on which brother actually does it… Pete or Thane?

DOC: I’m not a betting man.

LRE: You’re not a REAL man.

DOC: Don’t you have to post a comment on their blogs now to tell them?

LRE: Yes, but I can’t post comments on blogs at work. I’ll try and remember to do it later tonight.

DOC: Just try, huh?

LRE: Yeah… I’ll try.

The DOC’s Politics

DOC: So, are you paying attention to the conventions lately?

LRE: You mean my doc wants to talk politics, too? Fine; I can do that.

DOC: Really?

LRE: Yeah, but I’m going to have to refer to my notes where I have exact quotes and even links.

DOC: Oh, right… more of those underlined, blue things.

LRE: Yeah, more of those. So since everyone else is talking about politics… and, in particular, the speeches at the convention, yeah, let’s talk about them, too.

DOC: Those speeches are so often filled with little white lies.

LRE: Never expect a politician to EVER tell the WHOLE truth. I haven’t taken the time to evaluate Palin’s speech, yet… however, I HAVE done so with Obama’s. After he finished all his promised (how are we going to pay for health care equal to that offered to Congress for 10 million in this country without?), he started telling half truths. Imagine that…

DOC: I was kind of waiting for him to start promising soda in all of the drinking fountains.

LRE: I know, right? Here’s what he said after:

Obama: “Now, many of these plans will cost money, which is why I’ve laid out how I’ll pay for every dime – by closing corporate loopholes and tax havens that don’t help America grow.”

LRE: Not quite true, big guy. In July, his campaign told the LA Times that the yearly cost of their proposed tax cuts would be $130 billion with the revenue from closing tax loopholes at just $80 billion. What he FAILED to mention was that he would be raising taxes to pre-Bush levels for families earning more than $250,000 a year and singles making more than $200,000 a year; talk about supporting the American Dream. Think that was misleading? Wait; he’s not quite done yet. The NONPARTISAN Tax Policy Center stated that “without substantial cuts in government spending” Obama AND McCain’s plans “would substantially increase the national debt over the next ten years.”

DOC: I don’t know about you, but I’m really looking forward to ten more years of annual deficits.

LRE: Let’s see… here’s another quote for you; on taxes.

Obama: “I will cut taxes… for 95% of all working families… [McCain proposes] not one penny of tax relief to more than 100 million Americans.”

LRE: Turns out, his numbers are very wrong (unless you think being off by 34.2 MILLION isn’t that big of a miscalculation). His planned cuts would affect 81.3 percent of households. McCain’s plan would leave 65.8 million without a cut. However, there’s a bigger difference for corporations. McCain proposes to lower the corporate tax rate while Obama promises billions of dollars in increased corporate taxes through loophole closings. These tax cuts DEFINITELY affect consumers (that’s YOU AND ME, doc): these changes would manifest as lower returns on investments and losses from stock sales. Corporate Income Tax eventually comes out of people’s pocketbooks.

DOC: That sucks; especially since you don’t even pay me.

LRE: Whatever; I will as soon as you actually exist. Next quote; this one about Afghanistan.

Obama: “When John McCain said that we could just ‘muddle through’ in Afghanistan, I argued for more resources and more troops to finish the fight against the terrorist who actually attacked us on 9/11.”

LRE: If you’re going to quote somebody, try and get it right. In 2003, McCain said, “I think Afghanistan is dicey… There has been a rise in al Qaeda activity along the border… I believe that if Karzai can make the progress that he is making, that, in the long term, we may muddle through in Afghanistan. So I’m guardedly optimistic, but I am also realistic that the central government in Kabul has very little effect on the policies of the warlords who control the surrounding areas.”

DOC: What? You mean, McCain actually knows what’s going on over there? How did he find out? It’s not in the media…

LRE: I’ll ask him next time we hang out. But, BOTH candidates have called for an increased troop presence in Afghanistan. Obama proposed sending two more combat brigades, McCain proposed three more, but those would include NATO forces.

DOC: That would be good; get a little help from a friend.

LRE: Yup. Let’s see… another quote; this one on the middle class.

Obama: “Now, I don’t believe that Senator McCain doesn’t care what’s going on in the lives of Americans; I just think he doesn’t know. Why else would he define middle-class as someone making under five million dollars a year?”

LRE: How ‘bout if we go back to where Obama found this “definition” given by McCain – location: Saddleback Church forum; date: August 16. Here, doc, you read this quote.

DOC: Pastor Rick Warren said, “Give me a number, give me a specific number – where do you move from middle class to rich?” And McCain replied, “I don’t want to take any money from the rich – I want everybody to get rich… so I think if you are talking about income, how about $5 million? (laughter) But seriously, I don’t think you can… the point is that we want to keep people’s taxes low and increase revenues.”

LRE: Hilarious, I know, but still; HE WAS JOKING. And another quote, talking about the average family.

Obama: The income of “the average family… [went] down $2,000” under George Bush.

DOC: Not for me; I started out making nothing and I’m still making nothing.

LRE: It’s not correct at all, let alone for imaginary docs. The census reports that average family income went down $348. Apparently, Obama didn’t exactly mean “average” or really “family” either for that matter. An Obama aide stated that he really meant median (midpoint) income for working families, not retired couples. If we’re looking at all families, median income bumped up under Bush by $272. And that, folks, is how politicians take statistics and find the numbers that say exactly what they want them to say.

DOC: Why didn’t he just say ‘median working families’ instead of the average family.

LRE: Why don’t you just phone him and ask?

DOC: Later.

LRE: I’m not out of quotes yet. Next one’s about McCain’s health care plan.

Obama: “How else could [McCain] offer a health care plan that would actually tax people’s benefits…”

LRE: McCain proposes to grant families a tax credit up to $5,000 to use for health benefits although what McCain seldom mentions is that employer-sponsored benefits would also become taxable. Both candidates are spouting half-truths here, neither giving the complete picture.

DOC: What? You mean, they’re BOTH politicians? Gasp.

LRE: Right… imagine that. You want one more quote?

DOC: Yeah, bring it.

Obama: “And next week, we’ll also hear about those occasions when he’s broken with his party as evidence that he can deliver the change that we need. But the record’s clear: John McCain has voted with George Bush 90 percent of the time.”

LRE: Obama has made his campaign slogan clear – he promises change.

DOC: And yet he chose Biden as his running mate, who has been in the Senate for over 30 years.

LRE: And… according to the NY Times, he would not “reinforce Mr. Obama’s message of change.” But back to the quote… It’s true that McCain’s voting support for Bush policies has average slightly above 89 percent over eight years, although it has gone up and down, hitting it’s lowest in 2005. By comparison, Obama’s record has averaged just under 41 percent. BUT… his voting record is JUST AS PARTISAN. His vote has fallen in line with his party 97 percent of the time. If we’re going off of Senate votes, NEITHER candidate can claim a record of breaking with his party

DOC: Palin on the other hand…

LRE: Could be different.

DOC: Thank you, Obama, for giving us a lesson in how a POLITICIAN bends people’s words, tells only part of the story, and picks very particular statistics to convince the masses that he’s their new Savior.

LRE: How does that promote change? Sounds like the same thing we ALWAYS hear from career statesmen.

(with a little help from

Something about insurance and employee health clinics

Here it is: this week’s installment of Larrie’s weekly visit with the good Doc; you wait all week for it, don’t you? Unless you’re Kaakun, then when you see this entry, you realize that it’s still not Friday. Talk about a bummer. Sure, let’s talk about it. The doctor is in.

LRE: Hey Doc, I got nothing.

DOC: Um, hi to you and that’s a strange greeting.

LRE: I know, right? But seriously, I don’t have a suggestion for our conversation this week.

DOC: Well that’s why I get paid the big bucks, right?

LRE: You don’t get paid; you don’t exist.

DOC: Ouch, that hurts.

LRE: Did you want to talk about it?

DOC: Maybe. I spend all my time listening to other people talk and go on and on about problems, but nobody cares about what I’ve been dealing with lately.

LRE: Um, who else are you talking to?

DOC: Probably just your other personalities.

LRE: I think I would still know about that, though.

DOC: Not if you’re on Ambien.

LRE: True, but that’s been a long time and since I no longer have roommates to go find me next door and bring me home, I definitely wouldn’t risk it again.

DOC: So stay off of that one, eh? What doctor prescribed it?

LRE: Like I can remember. It might have been when I was too old to be on my parents’ insurance anymore and the student insurance at school sucked rocks so I went through unofficial channels to get meds without a doctor’s visit.

DOC: Gasp, don’t tell me.

LRE: Um, did you just SAY gasp instead of actually gasping?

DOC: Why yes, yes I did.

LRE: Right.

DOC: At least you had insurance, just in case.

LRE: True and now I probably totally take my benefits at work for granted. I had a free clinic visit today to burn off some tiny little bumps on my knee.

DOC: Free?

LRE: Free. And all I did was talk a short break from work to walk downstairs to our employee health clinic.

DOC: And at this point, I’m really tempted to take this conversation and wander down the road to the let’s-talk-about-universal-health-care pit stop.

LRE: No. No you’re not.

DOC: Ah, why not?

LRE: Because mister imaginary doctor, I have excessively strong opinions on this matter and I really don’t want to ruin our friendship.

DOC: Don’t you have friends with different political views than you?

LRE: Yes. We don’t really talk about it.

DOC: What if I have the SAME views as you?

LRE: Well, seeing as how you’re MY imaginary doctor, that is probably the case, but it’s just not a chance I am willing to take.

DOC: Sigh.

LRE: Now you’re saying sigh instead of sighing? Well… whatever rolls your kayak.

DOC: So no talking about it, huh?

LRE: I can give you a link to a good story if ya’d like, but that’s the best I can offer.

DOC: Yes, please. Link away.

LRE: Right: American Health Care in Critical Condition.

DOC: Thanks.

LRE: Yep. And, I’m just curious: did you know that our little visit this week would end up on this topic?

DOC: Nope; you’re the one who wrote it; you’re in charge.

LRE: Weird.