therapy thursdays

Laconic Answers


It’s time for everyone’s favorite weekly installment of Larrie’s imaginary therapy session with her very smart, very imaginary doctor. Game on.

DOC: Welcome, welcome.

LRE: Thank you, thank you.

DOC: Glad you could make it this week.

LRE: Ah, gee, thanks, doc. But really, I make it every week… for the sake of my loyal blog readers.

DOC: How many loyal readers do you have?

LRE: A handful.

DOC: Really?

LRE: Yeah; just cuz they don’t really comment doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

DOC: Okay; go ahead and keep telling yourself that.

LRE: I will; thank you very much.

DOC: So should we get to my list of questions that we never got to last week?

LRE: You have a list of questions?

DOC: Well, sort of. And I didn’t actually have them from last week, but thanks to Shanny, I have them now.

LRE: Oh, so you really didn’t put any time into it, but just swiped a list of questions from my buddy ol’ pal’s blog?

DOC: So?

LRE: Just so long as we know where you got them from.

DOC: Well, she said that any of the blogs linked to from her blog could do it and I was rather surprised that your blog was linked.

LRE: Why would you be surprised?

DOC: Because who would link to a blog like this?

LRE: The better question would be: WHO WOULDN’T?

DOC: Oh… right.

LRE: So do you want to discuss your borrowed list?

DOC: Yes, let’s.

LRE: Okay, I’m ready. Bring it.

DOC: All righty, dighty… the rule is that you have to give one word answers only.

LRE: Wow, seriously? You expect me to be laconic?

DOC: Exactly.

LRE: Do you realize who you’re talking to?

DOC: It’s all in your head, babe… it’ll be a good exercise for ya.

LRE: Right, sure. I’ll give it my bestest.

DOC: Ready? Okay… Where is your cell phone?

LRE: Desk.

DOC: This will be hard for you, what with the lack of including a verb with your subject on that one, eh?

LRE: Next?

DOC: Right, right… where is your significant other?

LRE: Gambling.

DOC: What?

LRE: Next?

DOC: Your hair color?

LRE: Rainbow.

DOC: You’re not supposed to lie.

LRE: Next?

DOC: Your mother?

LRE: Tidy.

DOC: Your father?

LRE: Punny.

DOC: I think you’re supposed to choose real words here, missy.

LRE: Next?

DOC: You’re doing well at being so laconic… Your favorite thing?

LRE: Soccer.

DOC: Your dream last night?

LRE: Fuzzy.

DOC: Wow, that’s unusual for you… right, next… Your dream/goal?

LRE: Retirement.

DOC: Ha… The room you’re in?

LRE: Cubicle.

DOC: Your hobby?

LRE: Blogging.

DOC: Your fear?

LRE: Debt.

DOC: Where do you want to be in 6 years?

LRE: Yard.

DOC: What you’re not?

LRE: Morningperson.

DOC: Hey, just because you say two words REAL FAST doesn’t make them one word.

LRE: Next?

DOC: One of your wish-list items?

LRE: London.

DOC: Where were you last night?

LRE: Soccer.

DOC: Where you grew up?

LRE: Utah.

DOC: The last thing you did?

LRE: Email.

DOC: What are you wearing?

LRE: Underwear.

DOC: Your TV?

LRE: Beautiful.

DOC: Your pet?

LRE: Beautiful.

DOC: Your computer?

LRE: Multiple.

DOC: Your mood?

LRE: Hungry.

DOC: Missing someone?

LRE: Megs.

DOC: Your car?

LRE: Tank.

DOC: Something you’re not wearing?

LRE: Earrings.

DOC: Favorite store?

LRE: Albertson’s.

DOC: Your summer?

LRE: Short.

DOC: Love someone?

LRE: Family.

DOC: Your favorite color?

LRE: Blue.

DOC: When is the last time you laughed?

LRE: Today.

DOC: Last time you cried?

LRE: Yesterday.

DOC: Really? You? Why?

LRE: Next?

DOC: That’s it; I’m done. Why’d you cry?

LRE: I’m really hungry… time for lunch.

A Quirky Game of Tag


Hooray for Thursdays and another fabulous installment of Larrie’s weekly therapy with her imaginary Doc. For some blog readers, this is what they look forward to—it helps them make it to the weekend.

DOC: Welcome, please sit down.

LRE: So formal.

DOC: I’m trying a new thing.

LRE: What? Acting like a doctor?

DOC: Something along those lines.

LRE: Great; just so long as you’re still imaginary and therefore I still don’t have to pay you.

DOC: Right-o. I’ve got a list of questions to discuss.

LRE: Nah; that’s okay.

DOC: But… but, I put so much time into coming up with these.

LRE: Really?

DOC: Sure, why not?

LRE: K, save them for next week.

DOC: Why? Do you have another list of 100 random things all about YOU?

LRE: No; that requires more effort than your list of questions.

DOC: Fine; what have ya got then?

LRE: I’ve been tagged.

DOC: You’ve… been… tagged…?

LRE: Yes; thanks for repeating it. Katie tagged me.

DOC: Kate did, huh? That still doesn’t explain what you’re talking about. Are you playing freeze tag?

LRE: Not exactly; it’s blog tag and I don’t think anybody crawls under your legs to unfreeze you in this game.

DOC: Blog tag, huh? So we’re expecting some of those hyperlink things where the text is underlined and blue?

LRE: Yes, a few.

DOC: All right, fine. Explain this blog tag then.

LRE: Right. Katie wrote the “rules” on her blog as she had received them from the person that tagged her.

DOC: Of course; you have to have clear rules. And what are they?

LRE: Let’s see… I link back to her (done), talk about the rules on my blog, tell six unspectacular quirks about me, tag six other bloggers and then leave comments on their blogs that I’ve tagged them.

DOC: Interesting rules. And these rules ask you to write YOUR rules about YOUR blog? YOU have rules?

LRE: Well, I wouldn’t exactly say that’s what it’s supposed to mean—talking about the rules on my blog and all—it really means that I need to explain the “tag rules” here on my blog, but I could briefly mention my daily posts as the “rules” for MY blog.

DOC: You mean—there’s more than JUST our Thursday appointments?

LRE: Hate to break it to ya, Doc, but you’re only one of usually six entries a week.

DOC: I’m crushed; I was under the impression that we were exclusive.

LRE: Ha—that would be silly.

DOC: Well, I’m afraid to ask out of jealousy, but what are the others?

LRE: Monday is my “freebie” day, Tuesday is the quote of the week, Wednesday is the cell phone pic of the week, you and I have our Thursdays, Friday is about work and Saturday I try and review a book.

DOC: You don’t sound very committed to Saturdays.

LRE: Yeah; Saturday doesn’t always give me enough attention so I’m not as committed, but there’s also lots of soccer now that it’s fall and I haven’t managed to sit down at a laptop when there’s running and scoring goals to be done.

DOC: Well, I suppose it’s good to know your rules.

LRE: Sure.

DOC: K, so what was next? Six unspectacular quirks about you?

LRE: Yeah.

DOC: Who chose to describe your quirks with unspectacular?… sort of an oxymoron there.

LRE: Almost. I can see your point, but my idiosyncrasies aren’t exactly spectacular—just odd.

DOC: All right; you list them and stop naming synonyms for quirk instead.

LRE: Let’s see… first, I keep telling myself that one day I will master “mind over mattress” but it just never happens.

DOC: I suppose that there ARE people out there who like mornings.

LRE: I suppose so, too, but I don’t really want to hear about that. I hate mornings and each morning, a different Larrie wakes up determined to come up with one reason after another to continue hitting the snooze button.

DOC: That button should never have been invented.

LRE: Seriously.

DOC: K, that was one.

LRE: Right; I better hurry this up as I’m rambling and nobody wants to read long blog entries.

DOC: Do you ever have SHORT entries?

LRE: STOP interrupting me. Number two would be that I hate doing dishes, however, since buying my own little condo, I have NEVER, NOT EVEN ONCE, left a pot or pan in the sink overnight. (But that does not relate to cookie sheets or muffin tins.)

DOC: Don’t tell your mom. She’ll wonder why you didn’t do that at home.

LRE: No she won’t. I was okay at doing my own dishes.

DOC: Hmm… maybe I’ll ask her.

LRE: Fine. Moving right along to number three: I think I’m really funny.

DOC: You’re not supposed to think of yourSELF as funny.

LRE: I know, but the thing is, I don’t think other people think I’m nearly as funny as I THINK I AM.

DOC: Do you really care?

LRE: Course not. Okay, number four would be that I had a really hard time misspelling the word millennium in an IM chat today.

DOC: Why were you misspelling it?

LRE: For comedic purposes, of course. But purposely misspelling is so difficult; ESPECIALLY when you type 90+ wpm and therefore don’t type by letter, but type by word. It really cut down on my typing speed.

DOC: Sounds rough. Okay so on to number five.

LRE: Thanks. For the sake of time, I’m going to say five AND six BEFORE you can interrupt me.

DOC: Oh, good…

LRE: STOP.

DOC: Sor-

LRE: SERIOUSLY, STOP. That wasted four lines. Sheesh. (Speaking REALLY fast now…) Five-would-be-that-I-have-a-crooked-toe-again-and-Six-would-be-that-I’m-really-bummed-I-don’t-have-a-piano-in-my-condo. The. End.

DOC: Well, I think I caught that last bit.

LRE: And I’m done.

DOC: Except you need to tag six more. Pick six that also need therapy, k?

LRE: Don’t we all probably need it?

DOC: Not you; you’re self medicated.

LRE: Saves me money. K, I tag Puck, Nettie, Nichole, Pete, Thane and Laina. Who wants to put money down on which brother actually does it… Pete or Thane?

DOC: I’m not a betting man.

LRE: You’re not a REAL man.

DOC: Don’t you have to post a comment on their blogs now to tell them?

LRE: Yes, but I can’t post comments on blogs at work. I’ll try and remember to do it later tonight.

DOC: Just try, huh?

LRE: Yeah… I’ll try.

The DOC’s Politics


DOC: So, are you paying attention to the conventions lately?

LRE: You mean my doc wants to talk politics, too? Fine; I can do that.

DOC: Really?

LRE: Yeah, but I’m going to have to refer to my notes where I have exact quotes and even links.

DOC: Oh, right… more of those underlined, blue things.

LRE: Yeah, more of those. So since everyone else is talking about politics… and, in particular, the speeches at the convention, yeah, let’s talk about them, too.

DOC: Those speeches are so often filled with little white lies.

LRE: Never expect a politician to EVER tell the WHOLE truth. I haven’t taken the time to evaluate Palin’s speech, yet… however, I HAVE done so with Obama’s. After he finished all his promised (how are we going to pay for health care equal to that offered to Congress for 10 million in this country without?), he started telling half truths. Imagine that…

DOC: I was kind of waiting for him to start promising soda in all of the drinking fountains.

LRE: I know, right? Here’s what he said after:

Obama: “Now, many of these plans will cost money, which is why I’ve laid out how I’ll pay for every dime – by closing corporate loopholes and tax havens that don’t help America grow.”

LRE: Not quite true, big guy. In July, his campaign told the LA Times that the yearly cost of their proposed tax cuts would be $130 billion with the revenue from closing tax loopholes at just $80 billion. What he FAILED to mention was that he would be raising taxes to pre-Bush levels for families earning more than $250,000 a year and singles making more than $200,000 a year; talk about supporting the American Dream. Think that was misleading? Wait; he’s not quite done yet. The NONPARTISAN Tax Policy Center stated that “without substantial cuts in government spending” Obama AND McCain’s plans “would substantially increase the national debt over the next ten years.”

DOC: I don’t know about you, but I’m really looking forward to ten more years of annual deficits.

LRE: Let’s see… here’s another quote for you; on taxes.

Obama: “I will cut taxes… for 95% of all working families… [McCain proposes] not one penny of tax relief to more than 100 million Americans.”

LRE: Turns out, his numbers are very wrong (unless you think being off by 34.2 MILLION isn’t that big of a miscalculation). His planned cuts would affect 81.3 percent of households. McCain’s plan would leave 65.8 million without a cut. However, there’s a bigger difference for corporations. McCain proposes to lower the corporate tax rate while Obama promises billions of dollars in increased corporate taxes through loophole closings. These tax cuts DEFINITELY affect consumers (that’s YOU AND ME, doc): these changes would manifest as lower returns on investments and losses from stock sales. Corporate Income Tax eventually comes out of people’s pocketbooks.

DOC: That sucks; especially since you don’t even pay me.

LRE: Whatever; I will as soon as you actually exist. Next quote; this one about Afghanistan.

Obama: “When John McCain said that we could just ‘muddle through’ in Afghanistan, I argued for more resources and more troops to finish the fight against the terrorist who actually attacked us on 9/11.”

LRE: If you’re going to quote somebody, try and get it right. In 2003, McCain said, “I think Afghanistan is dicey… There has been a rise in al Qaeda activity along the border… I believe that if Karzai can make the progress that he is making, that, in the long term, we may muddle through in Afghanistan. So I’m guardedly optimistic, but I am also realistic that the central government in Kabul has very little effect on the policies of the warlords who control the surrounding areas.”

DOC: What? You mean, McCain actually knows what’s going on over there? How did he find out? It’s not in the media…

LRE: I’ll ask him next time we hang out. But, BOTH candidates have called for an increased troop presence in Afghanistan. Obama proposed sending two more combat brigades, McCain proposed three more, but those would include NATO forces.

DOC: That would be good; get a little help from a friend.

LRE: Yup. Let’s see… another quote; this one on the middle class.

Obama: “Now, I don’t believe that Senator McCain doesn’t care what’s going on in the lives of Americans; I just think he doesn’t know. Why else would he define middle-class as someone making under five million dollars a year?”

LRE: How ‘bout if we go back to where Obama found this “definition” given by McCain – location: Saddleback Church forum; date: August 16. Here, doc, you read this quote.

DOC: Pastor Rick Warren said, “Give me a number, give me a specific number – where do you move from middle class to rich?” And McCain replied, “I don’t want to take any money from the rich – I want everybody to get rich… so I think if you are talking about income, how about $5 million? (laughter) But seriously, I don’t think you can… the point is that we want to keep people’s taxes low and increase revenues.”

LRE: Hilarious, I know, but still; HE WAS JOKING. And another quote, talking about the average family.

Obama: The income of “the average family… [went] down $2,000” under George Bush.

DOC: Not for me; I started out making nothing and I’m still making nothing.

LRE: It’s not correct at all, let alone for imaginary docs. The census reports that average family income went down $348. Apparently, Obama didn’t exactly mean “average” or really “family” either for that matter. An Obama aide stated that he really meant median (midpoint) income for working families, not retired couples. If we’re looking at all families, median income bumped up under Bush by $272. And that, folks, is how politicians take statistics and find the numbers that say exactly what they want them to say.

DOC: Why didn’t he just say ‘median working families’ instead of the average family.

LRE: Why don’t you just phone him and ask?

DOC: Later.

LRE: I’m not out of quotes yet. Next one’s about McCain’s health care plan.

Obama: “How else could [McCain] offer a health care plan that would actually tax people’s benefits…”

LRE: McCain proposes to grant families a tax credit up to $5,000 to use for health benefits although what McCain seldom mentions is that employer-sponsored benefits would also become taxable. Both candidates are spouting half-truths here, neither giving the complete picture.

DOC: What? You mean, they’re BOTH politicians? Gasp.

LRE: Right… imagine that. You want one more quote?

DOC: Yeah, bring it.

Obama: “And next week, we’ll also hear about those occasions when he’s broken with his party as evidence that he can deliver the change that we need. But the record’s clear: John McCain has voted with George Bush 90 percent of the time.”

LRE: Obama has made his campaign slogan clear – he promises change.

DOC: And yet he chose Biden as his running mate, who has been in the Senate for over 30 years.

LRE: And… according to the NY Times, he would not “reinforce Mr. Obama’s message of change.” But back to the quote… It’s true that McCain’s voting support for Bush policies has average slightly above 89 percent over eight years, although it has gone up and down, hitting it’s lowest in 2005. By comparison, Obama’s record has averaged just under 41 percent. BUT… his voting record is JUST AS PARTISAN. His vote has fallen in line with his party 97 percent of the time. If we’re going off of Senate votes, NEITHER candidate can claim a record of breaking with his party

DOC: Palin on the other hand…

LRE: Could be different.

DOC: Thank you, Obama, for giving us a lesson in how a POLITICIAN bends people’s words, tells only part of the story, and picks very particular statistics to convince the masses that he’s their new Savior.

LRE: How does that promote change? Sounds like the same thing we ALWAYS hear from career statesmen.

(with a little help from factcheck.org)

Something about insurance and employee health clinics


Here it is: this week’s installment of Larrie’s weekly visit with the good Doc; you wait all week for it, don’t you? Unless you’re Kaakun, then when you see this entry, you realize that it’s still not Friday. Talk about a bummer. Sure, let’s talk about it. The doctor is in.

LRE: Hey Doc, I got nothing.

DOC: Um, hi to you and that’s a strange greeting.

LRE: I know, right? But seriously, I don’t have a suggestion for our conversation this week.

DOC: Well that’s why I get paid the big bucks, right?

LRE: You don’t get paid; you don’t exist.

DOC: Ouch, that hurts.

LRE: Did you want to talk about it?

DOC: Maybe. I spend all my time listening to other people talk and go on and on about problems, but nobody cares about what I’ve been dealing with lately.

LRE: Um, who else are you talking to?

DOC: Probably just your other personalities.

LRE: I think I would still know about that, though.

DOC: Not if you’re on Ambien.

LRE: True, but that’s been a long time and since I no longer have roommates to go find me next door and bring me home, I definitely wouldn’t risk it again.

DOC: So stay off of that one, eh? What doctor prescribed it?

LRE: Like I can remember. It might have been when I was too old to be on my parents’ insurance anymore and the student insurance at school sucked rocks so I went through unofficial channels to get meds without a doctor’s visit.

DOC: Gasp, don’t tell me.

LRE: Um, did you just SAY gasp instead of actually gasping?

DOC: Why yes, yes I did.

LRE: Right.

DOC: At least you had insurance, just in case.

LRE: True and now I probably totally take my benefits at work for granted. I had a free clinic visit today to burn off some tiny little bumps on my knee.

DOC: Free?

LRE: Free. And all I did was talk a short break from work to walk downstairs to our employee health clinic.

DOC: And at this point, I’m really tempted to take this conversation and wander down the road to the let’s-talk-about-universal-health-care pit stop.

LRE: No. No you’re not.

DOC: Ah, why not?

LRE: Because mister imaginary doctor, I have excessively strong opinions on this matter and I really don’t want to ruin our friendship.

DOC: Don’t you have friends with different political views than you?

LRE: Yes. We don’t really talk about it.

DOC: What if I have the SAME views as you?

LRE: Well, seeing as how you’re MY imaginary doctor, that is probably the case, but it’s just not a chance I am willing to take.

DOC: Sigh.

LRE: Now you’re saying sigh instead of sighing? Well… whatever rolls your kayak.

DOC: So no talking about it, huh?

LRE: I can give you a link to a good story if ya’d like, but that’s the best I can offer.

DOC: Yes, please. Link away.

LRE: Right: American Health Care in Critical Condition.

DOC: Thanks.

LRE: Yep. And, I’m just curious: did you know that our little visit this week would end up on this topic?

DOC: Nope; you’re the one who wrote it; you’re in charge.

LRE: Weird.

There are SO many reasons… it’s cool to be a nerd.


LRE: Don’t tell me that I look tired.

DOC: Yeah, why state the obvious?

LRE: Thanks. I brought something for you, though.

DOC: Oh you did, huh? What’s that you’ve got in your hand?

LRE: A list of 100 things.

DOC: Is that your new hobby? Making 100-items-long lists?

LRE: Mebbe.

DOC: Well, good for you; I get a kick out of them.

LRE: Seriously. Me, too. This one was the hardest and it took me a good week and a half of randomly adding items to it when I was bored with actual work.

DOC: Does that happen often?

LRE: Sure, several times a day for about 3-5 minutes each.

DOC: And five of those minutes are spent blogging around lunch time.

LRE: You got it.

DOC: Okay, so what’s this list?

LRE: Ooo, it’s a good one: 100 Reasons that I am a Nerd.

DOC: Hey, how come that’s underlined?

LRE: It’s called a hyperlink, mister.

DOC: You mean I’m actually going to have to click on that if I want to read your list?

LRE: Yup. It keeps from making this into an excessively long page. Nobody really likes to scroll that much. But it’s totally worth the effort to read it. Go on, Doc. Click it. I dare ya.

DOC: Well, I never say no to a dare…

LRE: Information I didn’t need to know.

Don’t you have random journal entries?


Welcome to this week’s therapy session between the imaginary, but amazing, DOC and the crazy-and-not-afraid-for-the-internet-to-know-it Larrie, LRE.

DOC: What’s that you’ve got there?

LRE: Hi to you, too. It’s one of my journals.

DOC: You brought your journal to therapy?

LRE: Yes.

DOC: Why?

LRE: Because I did that once with a previous therapist and it was… interesting.

DOC: Previous therapist? There have been… OTHERS… before me?

LRE: Yeah, imagine that.

DOC: How many others?

LRE: What? Are you jealous?

DOC: Did you get AROUND with therapists?

LRE: Seriously?

DOC: Sorry. Maybe you should just read something out of your journal. Here, let me pick a random entry. Hmm… (flipping through pages) You wrote letters to some Andrew in your journal?

LRE: Maybe.

DOC: And there are some cat pictures in here…

LRE: Yeah; I’m the crazy cat lady.

DOC: Oh right. EVERYBODY knows that.

LRE: Right.

DOC: Your handwriting changes with just about every entry.

LRE: Are you going to pick one?

DOC: Sorry; just haven’t seen such a RANDOM journal before.

LRE: Do you often thumb through others’ journals?

DOC: Mebbe; I AM a therapist, after all.

LRE: Yeah… in MY head.

DOC: Hey, you actually FINISHED this journal.

LRE: That’s right; and it only took me six years.

DOC: Here are two entries on the same day… January 15th, 2003. One in the morning, one in the evening. Read some of those two.

LRE: All right; you asked for it.

January 15, AM

I read over much of my journal tonight and it paints me a picture of a lot of mud with a few, small gems if you search for them. I wonder what other people’s journals read like. Mine obviously follows the randomness of my thought patterns. If someone else were to read my journals, they would get an inside look at my own thoughts—they would be thoroughly confused or else lost down a road my mind once wandered. I should sleep—slip away into dreamland where anything can happen and everything does. The other night, I was building giant castles to serve as a fortress. Tonight? We’ll see…

January 15, PM

I’m trying to record observations, but I don’t seem to be too good at it. (Changes from black pen to red pen.) Right now, I’m listening in on Zedd’s and his roommate’s conversation and they (changes from red pen to new, black pen) have made two conclusions: you never remember important memories and Monty Python and the Holy Grail is a good movie. And the topic has changed: ways to vent when feeling bitter. And on the top of the list: throwing water balloons filled with shaving cream.

DOC: Um, the handwriting looks ALMOST the same. Are you sure those two entries were written by you?

LRE: For sure; I never let anybody else write in THIS journal.

DOC: You let people write in other journals?

LRE: Well, I didn’t exactly let him, but a past boyfriend had one of my journals, wrote something in it on two pages and TORE OUT ONE OF THE PAGES!

DOC: That must have ended it right there.

LRE: Seriously; NEVER tear out pages from an English major’s journal.

Happy Birthday Sir Pee-a-Lot!


Welcome to this week’s installment of Therapy Thursdays where Larrie (LRE) meets with her imaginary therapist (DOC) and they discuss the deep, dark and dusty corners of Larrie’s mind. Yes, it gets scary sometimes.

DOC: You look tired.

LRE: Is that how we have to begin every session? Maybe it will improve though because I’ve got me some ‘natural’ remedies.

DOC: Oh yeah? Such as…

LRE: Pantothenic acid, melatonin, Allerplex and Oregon Grape Root.

DOC: What’s the root one for?

LRE: Sleep.

DOC: Well, yeah, but you don’t know more specifically?

LRE: Not really… let me google it…

Waiting while she types.

LRE: Wikipedia tells me that it “works to decrease bacterial resistance to antibiotics and antibacterial agents… used in the treatment of infection.”

DOC: Ok, so whatever it is you have, don’t give it to me; I like sleeping at night.

LRE: I bet.

DOC: So any lists for this week? Or would you like to talk about frustrations, dating, family, dreams?

LRE: Family.

DOC: Great. How are things with your parents?

LRE: Fine; let’s talk about my cousin.

DOC: Your cousin?

LRE: Yes, Sir Pee-a-Lot.

DOC: You have a cousin named that?

LRE: Sure do; and today is HER BIRTHDAY!!!

DOC: So your birthday present to her is to talk about her with your imaginary therapist?

LRE: Mm-hmm. Isn’t that a thoughtful present? Not many people can offer THAT.

DOC: No, I suppose not. So how’d she get the name? (Which, by the way, doesn’t quite work for a girl since ‘Sir’ is a male salutation. Duh.)

LRE: From our San Francisco trip where we seemed to have to stop frequently driving out so Sir Pee-a-Lot could go pee, of course. And so we could take pictures. Lots of them. Because she’s my photographer hero.

DOC: It’s good to have heroes.

LRE: Yep, especially heroes who manage to survive the coldest day of our lives.

DOC: Coldest? In San Francisco?

LRE: Right. According to my aunt, whom we were visiting.

DOC: And was it?

LRE: Not quite; before long, Sir Pee-a-Lot and Maren were both stripping off layers and layers of clothes; I couldn’t believe they had even packed all those layers. Even Martin, who was driving the speedboat was flabbergasted.

DOC: You just used the word flabbergasted.

LRE: Seriously.

DOC: So mind explaining how layers of clothing, speedboats and the coldest day of your lives all came together?

LRE: Sure; I can handle that. We wanted to go whale watching out in the ocean one morning, being that it was January in San Fran and the whales are in the hood around then. So we got up early (I hated that part) and started putting on loads of clothes because Auntie N warned us about this being the coldest day of our lives. I was a bit worried because I ALWAYS under packed so I hadn’t brought thermal underwear, enough sweaters to re-clothe a herd of sheep, or even multiple pairs of socks. Oh well.

DOC: And you’re always cold, aren’t you?

LRE: Basically. But we climbed into the car, went over to Martin’s and drove out to the Marina. Before long, we were smacking up and down through waves as big as the boat, looking for whales. Nothing out here; let’s try over there; nothing. Until finally we found porpoises playing in the waves so we drove over to join them. By this time, Maren and Sir Pee-a-Lot had removed several closets full of layers and offered a few extra sweaters to the smaller porpoises that didn’t have as much blubber on them.

DOC: That’s kind.

LRE: Sure. So we never saw any whales, but the porpoises were cool and then we saw a whole ton of Man O’ Wars. Nobody offered them ANY sweaters.

DOC: Sounds like a pretty adventurous vacation.

LRE: Sure was. Along with drying my pants out the window, eating at The Cheesecake Factory, the Not Well Posse, riding the ‘trorrey’ past ‘rrombard street,’ taking a picture of our Asian friend at Ghiradelli Square, hanging out at Pier 39, getting our tickets punched to smitherings by the conductor on the BART, breaking into my Aunt’s apartment, and missing the countdown to midnight for the start of the new year, 2001.

DOC: You could probably use some more vacations like that.

LRE: Seriously. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, COUS!

100 Things I Learned from my Mother


DOC: Hi Lare, I read your list from last week.

LRE: The whole thing?

DOC: Yep, but I had to take breaks.

LRE: Seriously; it was rather long.

DOC: That’s an understatement. But, it made my job easier.

LRE: You weren’t even around.

DOC: Yeah, but do you have anymore? It’s tough sometimes to be a therapist and always listen to OTHER people’s problems. When do I ever get a break and when can I complain about MY problems?

LRE: Not on my time.

DOC: Fine, so anymore lists?

LRE: Since you asked, I did write up something about the things that my mom taught me.

DOC: Oh yeah? How long?

LRE: 100 items.

DOC: Sheesh. Let me lie down on that couch so I have a comfy place to read this first.

LRE: Fine, the couch is all yours… here’s my list.

100 Things I Learned From My Mother

Touched by Death


DOC: You look tired.

LRE: Thanks for the compliment. I’ll go put some mascara on.

Slightly later…

LRE: How’s that?

DOC: Wow; that opened your eyes right up.

LRE: Wish it made me FEEL awake, too. Oh well. I’m saving on gas so I got up at six this morning to ride TRAX to work.

DOC: That’s not so early.

LRE: It is, too… when you normally wake up at eight and went to bed at 1:30 the night before.

DOC: So do you want to talk about sleeping?

LRE: Nah.

DOC: Oh, do you have a particular topic you’d like to cover?

LRE: Yeah. Over the weekend, I decided that I wanted to have a little chat with you about extended family, but then that changed.

DOC: Why?

LRE: One of my friends and coworkers died on Tuesday.

DOC: Sorry to hear that.

LRE: Yeah. She was only in her 40s so it was very sudden. It seems surreal.

DOC: Do you want to talk about her?

LRE: Not in a public blog. At least nothing more than to tell you that she was hilarious, called me Lil’ Kicker and signed off on her emails to me with LaTay. It was her gangsta name. Hip and short for Laurie Taylor.

DOC: And your gangsta name was Lil’ Kicker? Doesn’t sound that tough… just sounds, well, little.

LRE: All that matters is she thought I was tough enough to DESERVE a gangsta name.

DOC: I’ll give you that; judging from the pictures after the doctor stuck your back full of injections, you ARE tough.

LRE: Thanks.

DOC: You’re welcome.

LRE: It changes your priorities – losing a friend. When I was a senior in high school, I was a little obsessed with death in my journals after two of my friends died within weeks of each other. One of my entries was a list of friends and family that had died.

DOC: That is morbid.

LRE: True, but eventually I learned to look at that list and make another mental list of what those people taught me before they died, or even ways I grew stronger because of their deaths.

DOC: That’s not so morbid.

LRE: No, I think it’s healthy. And after talking to some of the people at work and hearing their anger, grief, doubt, and such, after this, I realized the BIG DIFFERENCE my faith makes. Even though friends and family can be taken away, nobody can take my faith away. It’s nice to have something to lean on in uncertain times.

DOC: And if you’ve seen the gas prices lately, these are certainly uncertain times.

LRE: Right. So I ride TRAX. Save on gas… lost some sleep.

They’re Back… Financial Insecurities


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Welcome to this week’s excitement installment of Therapy Thursdays – yes, it is Thursday, not Friday, yet. Deal with it. The doctor is in and Larrie decided that she does, indeed need to show up for her appointments for the sake of entertaining all you Sciolist fans. Sometimes, however, she does wonder if this is actually entertaining or just proving Freddy’s point that she’s crazy… (P.S. Click on the link to the right for the survey if you haven’t already taken it. Seriously… you’ll get a GOOD laugh.)

DOC: You made it.

LRE: Hooray. That’s what my supervisor should say every morning and be PROUD of me for winning the battle of mind over mattress.

DOC: It’s a battle?

LRE: Every morning… a life-long war and I take it one snooze button at a time.

DOC: You think you’re funny, don’t you?

LRE: Clearly.

DOC: So let’s start off with any insecurity you are feeling right now.

LRE: Right-o. We can start with financial insecurities.

DOC: But I thought that the chiropractor cured you of that and you are now financially ready for a MAN?

LRE: That’s what I thought, too, but then I read this article on MSN about credit scores. Can you believe that incurring library fines can ding my credit score?! UNBELIEVABLE.

DOC: Well, it is your fault for not taking the book back in time.

LRE: Clearly, but what’s the library got to go and report this back to the credit bureaus for?

DOC: What kind of a sentence is that? Aren’t you an English major?

LRE: Yes, and eventually, a master of writing technically.

DOC: I take it that only affects your writing and not your speaking, though.

LRE: Indeed.

DOC: Okay, so you’re feeling financially insecure now because you have library fines?

LRE: Keeps me up at nights.

DOC: Really?

LRE: Sure, that seems like a good reason for only getting four hours last night.

DOC: It might actually be easier for you to stay awake at work if you slept more.

LRE: REALLY? You DON’T say.

DOC: I could try and help you with that.

LRE: How? Ambien?

DOC: Sure, some imaginary Ambien prescribed by your imaginary psych.

LRE: I won’t even take that stuff if it’s imaginary. Maybe next week, I’ll tell you why not.

DOC: Fine then, back to the library fines. What book didn’t you return on time?

LRE: Books. The Design of Everyday Things, The Form of the Book, Liberal Fascism: the Secret History of the American Left, from Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning, and Freelance Writing for Magazines and Newspapers.

DOC: Was it worth it?

LRE: Mostly. I’d recommend all of the books, but the last one, which I never got around to reading.

DOC: Maybe you should try checking out ONE book at a time.

LRE: I can’t; it’s physically impossible for me to leave a library or bookstore without at least an armful of literature.

DOC: Sounds like a tough disease for your bank account.

LRE: And credit score.

DOC: Since I AM a doctor, I’ll use my impressive Latin vocabulary to create a name for your disease: chronic libri-effercio-ligatio.

LRE: Sounds like a spell from Harry Potter.

DOC: Maybe it’ll make your armfuls of literature levitate so you don’t have to carry them out to your car.