therapy thursdays

Quiet Sunday


The boys are sleeping. It’s Sunday afternoon. Dom is in his crib, Nathan on our bed, Pogi in the sun in the front room.
I’m on the couch in the TV room writing this with my phone (watch out for typos).
I signed up for a class on Thursday nights.  It’s called, “Writing Memoirs”. It starts in February and I’m really looking forward to it. It helps, a lot, to have something in February to look forward to.
But I wonder: what should I write about? Childhood? Struggles? Losses? Motherhood? Joys? Certain people? Certain adventures?
What would you write about?

A Dreadful Therapy Appointment


(Thanks for the great idea, Kaakun.) Bring on the DOC for the FINAL Therapy Thursday! He has NO clue what is about to happen and really, neither do I, which is probably more a testimony to my need for REAL therapy than just a funny thing to say. Let us begin.

DOC: It’s about time you came back here. We probably have mountainous issues to work though.

LRE: Or we don’t.

DOC: Sure we do. It’s been so long I can’t believe you even walked in here on two feet.

LRE: How would you have expected me to come in? Crawling?

DOC: Maybe.

LRE: Sorry to disappoint.

DOC: I’ll get over it.

LRE: Well that’s good you’ll get over THAT.

DOC: Why the emphasis on the last word there?

LRE: I have something else to disappoint you with.

DOC: I bet you do. You have Therapy Tuesdays now, too. Is that it?

LRE: No. Once a week was MORE than enough.

DOC: Why the emphasis on MORE?

LRE: I’m in an emphatic mood today.

DOC: I don’t like your emphatic mood.

LRE: You probably shouldn’t.

DOC: Why? What does it mean?

LRE: Who is John Galt?

DOC: WHAT?

LRE: Whoa there, Doc. Don’t start yelling YET.

DOC: STOP EMPHASIZING WORDS.

LRE: STOP YELLING AT ME.

DOC: YOU STOP FIRST.

LRE: NO! YOU STARTED IT.

DOC: DON’T YOU USE EXCLAMATION POINTS WITH ME!

LRE: WHY NOT?!

DOC: DOUBLE PUNCTUATION?!? THIS IS GETTING SERIOUS!!

LRE: (deep breath) Calm down, DOC.

DOC: (trembling) I can’t. Something’s about to happen and I can just FEEL it. It’s going to be dreadful.

LRE: Let me just get some paper that I brought with me out of my pocket then.

DOC: Gulp.

LRE: Did you just SAY gulp?

DOC: Yes. It’s much more dramatic than just gulping.

LRE: Whatever. Here’s what I brought.

DOC: Oh dear. That looks dreadful.

LRE: You don’t even know what it is yet.

DOC: I have an unmanageable fear of folded up pieces of paper.

LRE: Must have been rough when you would make paper airplanes then, huh?

DOC: I NEVER made them.

LRE: Okay. Back to this dreadful paper of mine. It’s the results of my survey so far.

DOC: Survey?

LRE: Here, read the top.

DOC: “Which of the below would you like to see replace Therapy Thursdays?” REPLACE? ME?! G. U. L. P.

LRE: So now you’re spelling gulp?

DOC: YOU’RE MEAN.

LRE: But look how pretty I made the charts.

DOC: Well, that’s true. They are nice.

LRE: So next week, I’m going to have a replacement based on people’s choices.

DOC: Well, I guess the best I can do now is just add my input. Can I take the survey, too?

LRE: That’s it? You’re not going to throw a fit, toss me out the window or run screaming from the building?

DOC: No. There will be no tantrums, defenestrating, or… wait, we’re in a building?

LRE: Where did you imagine we were?

DOC: In a cabin up in the mountains with birds chirping outside.

LRE: Okay. Go to your cabin. And yes, you can take the survey… until next week. Here it is: Finding a Therapy Thursdays Replacement.

surveyresults

surveyresults1

Replacing Therapy Thursdays


I need YOUR help, internet. I’m disillusioned with Therapy Thursdays and would like to replace these blog entries, either with a new therapy theme or with an entirely new idea. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

You always wanted to help out with the direction of this awesome blog, right? GREAT. Now’s your chance. It’s a fun survey and ONLY one page so it’s not overly loquacious as might be expected from me.

Thanks in advance for your help, friends!

Comment NOW to Get a Chance to Write my Paper


DOC: Missed ya last week.

LRE: I know, right? Must be rough having to go so long without seeing Larrie.

DOC: Tell me about it.

LRE: I just did.

DOC: Well, how did the surgery go?

LRE: Great. Why don’t you just read my blog yourself and find out?

DOC: Because I don’t actually exist.

LRE: Good to know that you’re finally grasping this concept.

DOC: Yup; I’m an old dog and that’s a new trick.

LRE: Amazing.

DOC: So I was thinking that we could talk about how you’re handling the stress of the holidays.

LRE: Stress? Are you kidding me?

DOC: Um, no. I think I was pretty serious.

LRE: Okay, fine. Perhaps I should be more stressed and that would force me to really sit down and get my final paper written already. Instead of doing it the night before.

DOC: So you’ll never not procrastinate?

LRE: Maybe; watch out with your double negatives.

DOC: Double negatives?

LRE: Don’t worry about it. Just being an English nerd.

DOC: An English nerd who hasn’t written her paper yet.

LRE: Well, it’s just a little bit difficult getting excited over a paper on XML and technical writing. I’ve done some research, but getting to the next step and putting together a first draft just hasn’t happened yet.

DOC: Isn’t it a bit difficult to write a first draft the night before it’s due?

LRE: Perhaps. It just means that the first is very similar to the final draft.

DOC: Good luck getting that published.

LRE: Gee, thanks, mister.


Political Link Cartoon of the Day: “Shouldn’t Somebody Be Rowing?

Appointment Cancellation Fee: $26.90


There’s no appointment with the DOC today… because of an appointment with a real LIFE doctor who’s going to cut up my toe and then put it back together. Does anybody have a guess what the WORST part of surgery is? Think about it for a bit.

Feel free to bring me crossword puzzles at my parents so I have something to do tonight and tomorrow.

And the answer to the question above: having to FAST.

I AM SO HUNGRY.

No political link today either because I AM SO HUNGRY and can’t concentrate long enough to read anything online.

Blame it on the Toe


DOC: Come on in.

LRE: Gee, thanks, mister.

DOC: Sure, let’s get started. I have a quiz for you.

LRE: Oh… do I have to use a number two pencil to take it?

DOC: No. I don’t own a scantron-reader thingamajig.

LRE: Right and you wouldn’t want to actually figure out what it means that I answered C for question 7, but D for question 12.

DOC: Course not. I wouldn’t get paid for THAT effort. Instead, I’ll just ask you the questions.

LRE: Fun.

DOC: No. This is SERIOUS business here.

LRE: Oh, all right. Let me just put on my serious face. … Ready.

DOC: First question: How often do you have weeping spells?

LRE: Did you just say weeping spells? Really?

DOC: That’s not a very serious serious face.

LRE: Well YOU’RE the one who just said weeping spells.

DOC: Whatever. Just answer the question.

LRE: Fine. I ONLY have weeping spells when somebody steps on the third toe on my right foot or when I watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

DOC: Okay… I’ll write down: occasionally.

LRE: That’s not what I said.

DOC: Next… Do you feel frightened or panicky much?

LRE: Well, I get all panicky, sweaty and heart-beat-fastery when I check the money in my retirement accounts.

DOC: You do? And you have retirement accounts?

LRE: No, not really and yes, yes I do.

DOC: What about living all by yourself? That doesn’t frighten you?

LRE: Not even. I heart it.

DOC: All right. I’ll put down ‘No, not at all.’ And next… Do you still enjoy the things that you used to?

LRE: The things that I used to do…

DOC: You can’t answer seriously by singing.

LRE: I never do them no more, baby.

DOC: Why not?

LRE: Sorry… still singing. Well, I used to could enjoy soccer more because my toe didn’t hurt. And I used to enjoy work more. Oh wait, no, scratch that. If I tell you that I MIGHT enjoy work, you will think I’m crazy.

DOC: Fine. You don’t enjoy soccer as much…

LRE: BECAUSE OF MY TOE.

DOC: And I apparently didn’t hear anything about work.

LRE: Right.

DOC: Well, the rest of these questions are boring so I say we’re done here.

LRE: Oh good. My toe was starting to hurt.

DOC: Maybe you should get that fixed.

LRE: You THINK?


Political Link of the Day: “MSNBC’s Tag for Now: ‘The Power of Change’

Why do I Blog?


DOC: Hey Lare… glad you could make it.

LRE: Gee thanks, Doc. You’re so informal today and I see you’re not wearing shoes. Your socks don’t match.

DOC: I learned that from your friend, Mademoiselle Drew.

LRE: How do you know her?

DOC: I know everybody who is so kind to comment on your precious little blog.

LRE: Oh.

DOC: Speaking of blogs—I’m curious. Why do you blog?

LRE: Why not?

DOC: Because everyone else does it?

LRE: Do you think that kind of thinking would sway me?

DOC: Well, not when it comes to politics.

LRE: Okay; you KIND OF know me.

DOC: But that’s not why you blog then, huh?

LRE: No. Do you want to keep guessing?

DOC: Is it for money?

LRE: Ha. That’s funny. It would be nice if my blog paid some bills for me, but that’s certainly not the case.

DOC: Fine then. I give up.

LRE: I blog so that when I get together with my friends, we don’t have to spend all of our time together catching up on what we did over the past year.

DOC: You only see your friends once a year?

LRE: Certain friends, yes, because they all moved so far away.

DOC: Out of state?

LRE: Not all of them—they moved to Daybreak and Syracuse.

DOC: Oh, I see. Yeah, that’s EXTREMELY far away.

LRE: Tell me about it.

DOC: And so they have already read about all of your imaginary therapy and you, therefore, don’t have to update them?

LRE: Well, I guess they still have to ask about my riveting dating life since I choose not to indulge such juicy details.

DOC: Like the “pathetic” Batman at the Halloween party?

LRE: Hey, how’d you know? Did Mademoiselle Drew tell you?

DOC: Okay, so you blog so your friends will read it. And they blog?

LRE: Mostly.

DOC: So is that the only reason you blog?

LRE: No, I also do it in hopes that my family will read it.

DOC: In hopes, huh?

LRE: Pretty much. Let’s just say that the ca-hoolest members of my family read it.

DOC: And the other members…

LRE: Should start reading it. Somebody should tell them.

DOC: Since I’m not real, I guess I can’t help you out there.

LRE: Not exactly. And, you gotta stop reminding my blog readers that this therapy session is held with an IMAGINARY doctor.

DOC: Why? Maybe they think it’s funny, too.

LRE: Oh, so YOU think it’s funny that you’re imaginary?

DOC: Why, yes; yes, I do.

LRE: At least you’re comfortable with yourself—or lack thereof.

DOC: Wait, so back to the topic at hand. Is that it? Those are the only reasons you blog?

LRE: Well, I obviously DON’T do it to post pics of my cute kids online.

DOC: Your kids aren’t cute?

LRE: I don’t know. Are they?

DOC: You have kids?

LRE: I suppose that I blog also for myself. I like to write—even if it’s strange, slightly crazy things like Therapy Thursdays.

DOC: Well, here’s hoping that somebody thinks it’s funny.

LRE: Seriously.


Political Link of the Day: Redistribution of Wealth

Wishing I could go back to Seattle and Portland…


Do I need to write a little intro every week explaining the oddness that is my personal therapy appointment with an imaginary doctor… on my blog? I know; it’s true; it’s strange, but would you expect anything less?

DOC: You’re late.

LRE: Probably.

DOC: No. Not probably. You are.

LRE: Well, at least I’m here. That means that I’m back and back at work, too.

DOC: Oh, right… how was your vacation?

LRE: Very good and I would like to go back now.

DOC: But, you can’t because you have to earn money to pay the bills.

LRE: Shucks.

DOC: So do you want to tell me about your vacation?

LRE: It was practically perfect in every way.

DOC: Like Mary Poppins?

LRE: Pretty much. Except for there weren’t any chalk paintings that we could jump into.

DOC: Maybe next time.

LRE: Maybe. Here; I brought some pics.

DOC: Just some, huh?

LRE: Unless you want to sit down and look at all 304 that we took in four days with me…

DOC: Oh my. Thank you for only bringing some.

LRE: Sure. Click here for the slideshow.

DOC: Oh, a URL… how nice.

The Quirks of LRE


Hooray it’s Thursday, which means you’re getting ever closer to the fabulous weekend, but it also means it’s time for everyone’s favorite weekly blog: Therapy Thursdays. The stage is set with a nice chaise lounge chair under a big window with a brilliantly yellow and orange sweetgum tree just outside. Sounds idyllic? In walks the DOC with, for some strange reason, a large (and rather old school) head mirror atop his forehead. LRE (that’s ME! Larrie) follows him in, kicks off her sandals and stretches out on the chaise with her hands behind her head. Our scene begins…

DOC: Well, you look comfortable.

LRE: Yeah, it’s nice to stretch out. Hey… why do you have that big circle thing on your head?

DOC: Don’t worry about it. (DOC removes his odd headgear.)

LRE: Okay, now I can talk to you normal.

DOC: You’re normal?

LRE: Ha, sure; let’s pretend.

DOC: Right, cuz I read on your friend, Lindsey’s blog that you’re “always quirky! HA!”

LRE: And be grateful for that, too, because I offer a good laugh by my quirkiness.

DOC: So how would you define your quirkiness?

LRE: In six ways.

DOC: Really? So you’ve thought about this already?

LRE: Not exactly; but according to the tag, that’s what I’m supposed to do – come up with six personal quirks.

DOC: Well, that should be easy.

LRE: Not really; they’re all pretty much already on my lists of 100 I’ve made previously.

DOC: Okay then, missy… be creative and come up with something new.

LRE: Right-o…here we go with numero uno.

DOC: Oh there you go… you throw in random Spanish phrases.

LRE: Yeah, yeah, that’s a good one, thanks DOC. It’s true, too. I don’t really SPEAK Spanish, but I certainly attempted to learn it enough to get some decent grades in my Spanish classes at the mighty BYU. And now, I throw in random phrases every now and then. I say ‘bueno’ a lot, along with ‘se me fue’ and sometimes add ‘la onda’ to the phrase. I also use ‘pobrecito’ when people complain about aches and pains to me and they may use it back at me. There are certainly others, but that’s a good list.

DOC: That’s good. Quirk number one defined.

LRE: Okay, so on to number two: I’ve had six dislocations so far.

DOC: Really? Wow, try this. (DOC tries to push all his right-hand fingers back with his left hand.)

LRE: That’s what doctors always ask me to do when I say that, but my fingers don’t go anywhere. My chiropractor thinks I have bad tendons and gave me some natural supplements to help.

DOC: Ah, yes, the witch doctor.

LRE: Yes, I like him, thank you very much.

DOC: Okay, so that was quirk number two. Bring on three.

LRE: Um… (staring out the window at the pretty fall foliage)… I own two cats.

DOC: Shoot, girl; that should have been number ONE.

LRE: I know, seriously. BUT, I’ll have you know, that these are EXOCTIC cats bred from the WILD asian leopard cats so I could have my own little leopards that like to play fetch.

DOC: They play fetch?

LRE: Just one; but that’s the cat’s quirk, not mine.

DOC: Okay so that’s number three. Along those same lines, you probably have some quirky behavior because of those two cats… excuse me, those two EXOCTIC cats.

LRE: It’s possible. Last night, I stopped by the store on the way home from soccer to pick up some cream cheese and they had kitty litter on sale. It was TWO BUCKS OFF! So, I, of course stocked up on three 30-lb bags.

DOC: Yeah, that’s a GOOD quirk. And what time were you stocking up on kitty toiletries?

LRE: Around 11:00 p.m. BUT, I’ll have you know, that I probably looked a lot like the crazy cat lady as I carried ALL THREE bags, at the SAME time, in from the car, up the stairs inside my condo and to the back laundry room without dropping them OR hurting my back.

DOC: Ha! Must have been a sight. Thanks for sharing with the internet.

LRE: Sure thing.

DOC: Okay, that was a good number four quirk. Five?

LRE: Right, well, how about the fact that people call me Larrie? I think that’s a bit unusually for such a gorgeous babe such as myself.

DOC: A bit, yes.

LRE: Blame my brothers… and the Christmas Elf that I made up for James back in the day that delivered Christmas treats to a flannel stocking I had made and hung from his dresser. The Elf’s name was Larry. Somehow, Jarv determined that the “feminine” spelling of that would be Larrie and wrote all his letters home from Hungarian to me addressed as such. Freshman year at the BY, my roommates helped me determine that the I. E. stood for innocent energy (which was a secret connection back to a letter I had received from a boy). Wow, yeah; there’s definitely a bit of quirkiness in the “history” of that nickname.

DOC: Nice work; you’ve got five quirks down, one to go. Make it a good one.

LRE: I wake up with a different and very random song in my head every morning.

DOC: How random?

LRE: The other morning, it was the hymn “Did You Think to Pray?” Then this morning, if I remember correctly, it was “Down” by 311.

DOC: Definitely two very different types.

LRE: Yeah, I would almost say, “anything, but country,” but that’s not true.

DOC: What? You mean… you listen to country music now?

LRE: No, no, no, no. Silly DOC. It’s because one of my BYU roommates, Ms. Hi-zatch, used to sing the same song in the mornings… I only really remembered one line: (LRE starts singing be-autifully) “good morning beautiful, how was your night?”

DOC: Oh, right; that’s from “Good Morning Beautiful” by Steve Holy.

LRE: Did you google that?

DOC: Why yes, I did.

LRE: Nice work. While you’re busy googling over there (apparently, the DOC now has a laptop on his lap and is busily typing away), google how to win a FREE HAND BAG, too!

If You’ve Been Dumped, Your Brain Will Eventually Get Over Him


Bring on this week’s fabulous installment of Therapy Thursdays where Larrie gets her much-needed therapy from the Doc (hey… imaginary therapy works, too, and costs less).

DOC: You made it; would you like to discuss what everybody else is discussing?

LRE: Who’s everybody else?

DOC: Yaknow, all of my patients.

LRE: Unless you’re scheduling therapy sessions with all my other personalities without telling the main me, you don’t have any other patients.

DOC: Well, if I did, they’d all be living in fear because of the economy.

LRE: Oo, no, let’s not talk about that. There’s too MUCH to say.

DOC: So you think this blog would be too long if we went down that path of discussion?

LRE: More like a path of destruction and definitely, yes, it would be too long. Here’s a great link for the best economic blog, in my not-so-humble opinion. We’ll leave it at that.

DOC: Gotcha… one of those underlined things. Okay, then let’s talk about something else F-U-N.

LRE: Oh yeah? What have ya got in mind there, Doc?

DOC: Dating, of course.

LRE: Oh, how super.

DOC: I did some research… well, basically I clicked on one of those blue underlined things from MSN’s homepage and came across some interesting little facts about love.

LRE: Oh good, love.

DOC: Yes, should make for an interesting conversation.

LRE: All conversations in my head are interesting. Okay then, Doc—bring it.

DOC: So, scanning over this list… oh here we go. Here’s something talking about office romances and it says, “the single biggest predictor of love is proximity.”

LRE: Oh that’s a very true statement.

DOC: Oh yeah? Got something juicy to share from work?

LRE: Not exactly, but the statement about proximity, I think, is very true.

DOC: Well, duh, that’s a given.

LRE: Yeah, apparently, even some guy living in Phoenix is too far away for much of a relationship.

DOC: Plus, who would want to live in Phoenix?

LRE: Seriously.

DOC: So no office romances?

LRE: Not that I’m going to tell my imaginary doctor, but Stacky and I do have a good time discussing romances in general and coming up with nicknames for the lucky men who take me out.

DOC: Oh, now we’re getting somewhere interesting… nicknames, huh? Let’s discuss…

LRE: Yeah, there’s some good ones, but it’s hard to keep track.

DOC: Ha, I bet… stop being so facetious and share a nickname or two already.

LRE: All right; there are the good rhyming ones like “Shuttle Boy Toy Troy.”

DOC: Oh yeah, that is a good one.

LRE: Yep. And then there’s odd ones which really make fun of our nerdiness for working where we work.

DOC: Huh? Didn’t follow that one.

LRE: Well, see, that guy in Phoenix area, we called him Milk Protein.

DOC: Yeah, I definitely don’t follow.

LRE: It’s because we have a test here for an allergen to the protein in dairy products… called casein. Anyway, Phoenix’s name was similar to that so we, of course, called him Milk Protein.

DOC: And did he have a milk moustache and did he turn his head to the right when you kissed?

LRE: Yes and mostly.

DOC: So, other nicknames?

LRE: Of course, there are plenty, but two is good enough for now.

DOC: Fine; don’t share.

LRE: Fine; I won’t.

DOC: Oh, come on, please?

LRE: You’re begging? Fine, I’ll just throw out a few more: SU (for stood up), UFSteve, and TBBF (for to-be boyfriend). There ya go. Anything else from your FASCINATING MSN article?

DOC: Thank you for sharing and yes… here’s one. Says that 11% of women have researched a guy online. Have you?

LRE: But of course. I’m surprised that number is so low.

DOC: So anything interesting from that research?

LRE: No; sorry.

DOC: Oh, thought that would be a good question. Hmm, let’s see if there’s one more good one.

LRE: Yes, let’s.

DOC: Here’s one… it says that after you get dumped, you love the person even more… for a time.

LRE: Really?

DOC: Because the “brain regions that lit up when we were in a happy union continue to be active.”

LRE: Oh, okay. That makes sense then.

DOC: How so?

LRE: Well, I was thinking about how quickly I got over one certain relationship a wee bit ago.

DOC: How quick?

LRE: Really quick… like one day quick.

DOC: So then how does that make sense?

LRE: Because it refers to being in a happy union.

DOC: Oh, well then… good thing that relationship is over then.

LRE: Definitely.

DOC: What was his nickname?

LRE: Don’t worry about it.