The Google-Inspired, Provoking Therapist

DOC: Oh good. You’re here.

LRE: Um, yeah. Glad you seem excited about that.

DOC: Yeah, I came prepared.

LRE: You come unprepared normally?

DOC: Uh… maybe. No. Yes. Whatever.

LRE: Okay…

DOC: Let’s put it this way: I came EXTRA prepared today.

LRE: How so?

DOC: I looked up questions on Google.

LRE: Oh good. My therapist is really Google.

DOC: Ha. I mean. No, come on. They’re good questions and they just ADD to my already deep repertoire.

LRE: I bet. What are your googled questions?

DOC: Okay, let’s start with this one: Do you worry what you choose to eat will cause you to get cancer?

LRE: What? Are you kidding me?

DOC: Is this the face of somebody who’s kidding?

LRE: You don’t have a face; you’re imaginary.

DOC: Fine. Is this the IMAGINARY face of somebody who’s just pulling your leg?

LRE: What’s the next question?

DOC: You won’t answer?

LRE: No. It’s a stupid question. Try another.

DOC: What do you picture when you pray? Do you have a picture for God?

LRE: Therapy is now a religious discussion?

DOC: Why are you answering my questions with a question? I thought that was MY tactic.

LRE: Apparently, I’m the better therapist here.

DOC: Yeah, right. Who’s got the list of questions?

LRE: You do, big guy. What’s the next one?

DOC: Do you have a friend who is not really your friend?

LRE: Do you?

DOC: STOP THAT. Come on. Just answer the question.

LRE: I don’t like your questions. Or perhaps I should say, I don’t like GOOGLE’S questions. Try another.

DOC: This is my imaginary FRUSTRATED face.

LRE: It’s a good one.

DOC: Do you think your parents wanted you? Do you think they ever regretted you were born?

LRE: What kind of site did you get these from?

DOC: This one… “Questions My Therapist Should Ask Me.” It made it sound like I was going to turn you into an Einstein by asking “provoking” questions. Apparently, you’re better than Einstein because you think you’re TOO GOOD to answer my questions.

LRE: Pretty much. Let me see that website… hmm… most of these questions seem to be trying to provoke anger, doubt, fear. You should have picked a more upbeat site. Guess you did succeed… they are PROVOKING questions. Nice work, Doc.

DOC: That’s the last time I ask Google how to do my job.