McJosh

All These Quotes About Food and Drink


I have some random quotes queued up in my phone’s notes. As I scanned through them, I noticed a theme with half of them. They’re about food and drink. So here’s a themed quote of the week for ya:

“When the guys are over, I’ll socially drink Rockstar.” ~McJosh

“I’m having something that feels like hunger in my stomach.” ~Freddy

“You don’t want to cook by blacklight?”~Tracy
“I know how you love Halloween.” ~Maren
“Who doesn’t?!” ~Steph

“Hey kids; forget eating. We’re foosing!” ~Megs

“Doesn’t ice cream just fill in the cracks?” ~Me
“It does. I want all my cracks filled.” ~Maren

“Once I start, I can’t stop. It’s like no portion control in my dessert brain.” ~Rachel the Aussie

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A Smorgasbord of Quotes


So while I was participating in the blog tasks to improve my blog last month, I was queuing up quotes for my quotes of the week. So this week, let’s post TEN of those, how ‘bout? Great because they’re pretty fabulous and DYING for me to post them.

“These just touch the tastebuds of the palate of my mouth.” ~McJosh

“You didn’t take a photo of the words that you heard in the air.” ~Maren to Thane about how he didn’t have a photographic memory about a date mentioned in the priesthood session of LDS General Conference.

“Why would you get a poo-brown-color Maserati? That’s disgusting.” ~Maren

“You can’t feel the spirit reading the scriptures on an iPhone.” ~James

“My cubicle was like a bubble of happy smells.” ~Audrey

“Turns out everyone has an extra stomach just for dessert.” ~Megs

“That was my tired voice talking.” ~Beth

“When you poach, nobody wins.” ~Rachel

“Oh my crap and crap it’s so good.” ~Marissa

And to finish it off, a great quote that Monica emailed my way and I agree with WHOLE-HEARTEDLY:

“Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.” ~W. H. Auden

Episode 40: Today’s Team Meeting – Subject: Century Egg


My boss is out; my lead is out; it’s Friday and March Madness is happenin’. Despite all of this, I’m working. It’s the best way to make the day go faster. That’s ALWAYS the theme of Friday, you know, hurry up and bring on the weekend already.

With the boss-ship being out today, we don’t have our regular team meeting. For some reason, this meant that we needed to have an irregular team meeting. This is the meeting that involved the century egg and for this (despite my tendency to get loquacious with the typed-word) I will let the pictures do the talking.

(I didn’t actually take the pictures so don’t try to give me a hard time if you don’t think they captured the “action” as well as you may have liked.)

egg_meeting

Episode 20: The Doughnut Race


Every now and then, the geeks I work with in IT decide to show off their athletic prowess. A few years ago, we had the S2K Hare & Tortoise Sprint Challenge (sponsored by the Hungarian Triathalon Union). We also take part in corporate games each year and try not to embarrass ourselves playing basketball, soccer, ultimate Frisbee, golf and poker.

Today, we held the Spontaneous Doughnut Race sponsored by our new Madame Secretary. Here’s how the event went down…

The Mighty IT Director had ONE box of donuts (I spell that word differently than Madame Secretary). He wanted to give Madame Secretary the opportunity to witness the speed and prowess of his department so he set the box on her desk and had her send an email to the department of 124 IT geeks:

Good Morning Everyone!
There are doughnuts up by my desk if anyone wants them.
Thanks,
Madame Secretary

As soon as she hit ‘Send’ the race was ON!

Runners were sitting at their desks busily typing away at emails, queries, code, or surfing the internet when the little email message pops up in the corner of their screen – Subject: Doughnuts.

On your marks, get set…

There were false starts all around the cube farm.

”Donuts!” I yelled over the cube wall to Bethy the Third while jumping from my chair. As we rapidly exited our cubes, we saw McJosh speed walking up the row behind us. He started pushing, I started running, we swung around the corner, taking the turn wide in my heels, only to see several programmers throwing their chests out as they crossed the finish line first and opened the lid of the donut box.

My only chance was to run to the box from inside of Madame Secretary’s cube, instead of waiting in line in front of her cube. “Ladies first,” I declared.

”Oh, okay,” replied the kind, Asian programmer as he took the first donut. I grabbed the chocolate sprinkles triumphantly while others went for the plain ol’ glazed.

And the race had ended. The box was gone and in a mere 30 seconds, the winners returned to their cubes to await their sugar high.

As I walked away, the Mighty IT Director stood, leaning against a cubicle wall across from Madame Secretary’s desk, laughing.

Upon returning to my desk, another email:

All the doughnuts are gone. You guys are fast!
Madame Secretary

In the distance, the DBAs could be heard crying over an empty donut box.

Episode 19: The Core Crew


Next week, a VERY IMPORTANT part of my workout routine will be DENIED. Clearly, when one of the project managers was scheduling testing, he DIDN’T LOOK AT MY SCHEDULE TO SEE THAT I WAS UNAVAILABLE. Doesn’t he understand that one of my most important appointments occurs every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 10:00 a.m.? If I missed it, even once, my back gets VERY mad at me. This appointment is the abs/core class in our on-site gym. It’s only 15 minutes, but those are extremely important 15 minutes for my personal well-being.

Next week, however, I will now be stuck in el-crappo meetings Monday, Wednesday AND Friday from 9:15 – 10:30 a.m. Seriously. Do you realize how much I wanted to DECLINE the meeting request? For the sake of my back’s happiness, of course.

When I took my current position, part of the “negotiations” was demanding an expensive, ergonomic, make-the-other-coworkers-jealous chair. Yes… I DEMANDED it. Apparently, I also should have negotiated for a contract that GUARANTEES my ability to attend abs/core classes no matter what.

So to my “Core Crew” (Jason, Freddy and once a quarter, McJosh), I apologize that I will not be able to attend class with you next week. When I return the following week, I hope that I am not sad and weak around my middle section.

(P.S. To Janet: I’m sorry to say this, but I no longer tip over in this class… amazing, I know.)

I think we should make t-shirts with this as our rockin logo.

I think we should make t-shirts with this as our rockin' logo.

I’ll tell the INTERNET about my weekend, because the boys never asked…


I often go out for lunch on Fridays with an ever-changing group of coworkers. Last Friday that included Freddy, McJosh and Hoss. We went to Barbacoa and ate outside, which was quite nice. I was excessively tired from the upstairs neighbor and her boyfriend waking me up around 1:00 a.m. and again around 5:30 a.m. the night before. This meant that I wasn’t the one asking questions and keeping conversation alive. So instead, McJosh asked Hoss, “What are you up to this weekend?”

He listed off some chores, taking the wife’s car to the shop, not much else.

McJosh said he’d be playing with his kids.

Freddy mentioned the he doesn’t really like to make plans.

I waited patiently for them to all take their turns and then ask me what I was up to.

I kept waiting.

I’m still waiting.

I’m just going to tell myself that they never asked because they didn’t want to be JEALOUS.

Seriously. My weekend was a bit jam packed.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT IT.

Friday night, I enjoyed a delectable dinner of macaroni and cheese with hot dogs. Yum. Then I convinced Mern not to take a nap and instead go to an Olympus High School football game with me. Really. Just because I didn’t go to football games when I attended East High School doesn’t mean I don’t want to go to a former rival high school’s football game nearly 10 years after graduating. (I’m not old; I’m experienced.)

We went to watch our nieces who were performing with a drill team camp at half time. Little Jane, the three-year-old, stole the show. Her t-shirt was nearly the same size as her, her hair just barely fit into pig-tails and she was the best little hip shaker on the field. Annie and Emma did a great job, too, of course.

We left after the show (before the football game finished) and then I stalled by taking Mern to buy kitty treats at Dan’s because I REALLY needed to get them NOW. By the time I returned Mern home, all the lights were off and she noticed a few little heads peeking out the window. We walked in and the kids yelled, “Surprise!” They were so excited to be in on the secret. Especially Abe and Jane who previously only knew that they were going to have a sleep over… SOME WHERE.

The rest of the surprise birthday sleep over went as follows: pizza, decorating cup cakes, laughing in the front room, watching All Dogs Go To Heaven, almost sleeping, waking up to a sick Jane, not particularly enjoying the mattress that I slept on, and eating McDonald’s breakfast with ibuprofen.

When I got home, I really considered taking a nap before remembering how much I hate waking up – if I fall asleep now, I might not want to get up and clean up (myself and my home) before the swimming party / pot luck.

So I managed to stay awake by cleaning the kitchen. We’re talking about really cleaning here, too. Spraying the sink and counters down with Lysol, letting it soak, and scrubbing it clean; vacuuming then mopping the floor; wiping down the stovetop and microwave; cleaning the dishes and loading the dishwasher. I also cleaned the laundry room which mostly meant sweeping up kitty litter that those darn cats had tracked out of the box. Now I can walk barefoot in there again.

Eventually, I got my place cleaned up, cleaned up myself then went to the store to pick up food. That’s a lot of getting up when I really just wanted to lie down.

Before long, the party was happening at my place when Bean and her little cutey, Adie came over. We, of course, played with Pogi and Adie got the giggles playing fetch while Bean was changing into her swimsuit in the bathroom. Just as we were finished getting ready to go out to the pool, Kow, J and their three little girls pulled up. Yes, it’s true, internet. I like to hang out with married people and their kids. We had a fabulous time.

After swimming, we chowed down on sandwiches—croissants from Costco are delightful. Then my fabulous friends helped clean up and we sent Bean and Adie on their way. Kow, J, the girls and I then went for a little ride over to Iceberg for shakes, which we ate in my parking lot while waiting for Nettie and Dave to stop by and say hi. Eventually, all of the married people left and Joel-in-the-box came over to finish my shake. Have you seen the size of the ‘mini’ shakes? Trying to describe it with the word “huge” would be an understatement.

I then made Joel-in-the-box come with me to my indoor soccer game (at 11:10 p.m.) where I scored a couple of goals in the first half and therefore assigned myself to play defense in the second half. Yes, I scored in defense, too from just over the half line. I think the goalie was trying to guard a player instead of his goal. After soccer, we finished off the evening watching the US men bring home the gold in basketball.

Okay, are you still with me? We’re on to Sunday now. I’ll make this day short: breakfast at Mern’s, church where two people talked to me (I sort of gave up making an effort anymore), dinner at the parents’, birthday cake and presents, then home to feed the cats and water the plants.

So there you go, internet. That was my weekend.

This may come as a surprise to no one: people think I’m crazy


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Freddy told me. He thinks I’m crazy. Other coworkers around agreed with him. Or at least they didn’t disagree.

Freddy: I read your blog. You’re crazy. What’s it called when you have voices in your head?

McJosh: Schizophrenia.

Freddy: Yeah, that.

Instead of concentrating on that conversation and the fact that the Lead in my group diagnosed my multiple personalities, I concentrated on the fact that it took reading my blog for him to figure that out. Do you know what that means? They actually think that I am normal at work. Man, I’m good.

Reasons why they think that I am normal:

  • My signature on emails looks like all the other SQAs (Software Quality Assurance Testers) in my group – nothing there about the crazies in my head.
  • My desk is just as messy as the other SQAs.
  • I work a 9-5 job.
  • My emails sound quite professional (unless you’re a developer and you tell me to “stand by” for a new release of an application – how could I NOT reply with “standing” and therefore lie about the fact that I was sitting in my ergonomically-happy chair?).
  • My voicemail message sounds fairly normal.
  • MOST people call me Lauren.
  • I wear jeans and a collared-shirt on most days.
  • I type really fast.
  • I stare at the clock waiting for 5pm.
  • Most of my sticky notes posted around my cube are boring and work related (e.g.: “InputString1: String, InputCurrency1: Currency, TFS2358-4490331, TFS2361-4490332 – what? It makes sense to ME).

Reasons why they might not think I’m normal.

  • Sometimes I send emails that say, “Standing…”
  • I check my email at midnight or on vacations.
  • I draw cartoons in meetings about Stacky defenestrating another coworker, Bret.
  • A FEW people call me things other than Lauren – like Skinny, Man-toes, Larrie, and Trashy.
  • I’m really tan.
  • I type really fast.
  • There are the other sticky notes in my cube that say not-so-boring-work-related things (e.g.: “Dear Lauren, I love you. Love, Someone Secret.”).
  • I don’t smoke or drink coffee or alcohol.
  • I rarely swear and am not obsessed with sex.
  • I blog about my normalcy or lack thereof.
  • And a Bush calendar hangs on my cubicle wall with pictures of many of my coworkers taped up next to him; they LOVE being placed so that George puts a loving arm around them!