freshman year

How to Survive College


My sense of humor has changed as I’ve grown older. I suppose you can chalk it up to maturity, if you believe that I’ve grown more mature. The following journal entry, I thought was hilarious when I wrote it, as a freshman surviving BYU and living in an apartment with 6 girls and ONE BATHROOM. Also, remember that we were living in Provo and attending a no-drinking, no partying type of school where fraternities and sororities did not exist. Not exactly your typical college experience.

December 9, 1999

How to survive as a freshman college woman:

  • Have pimple popping parties
  • Don’t give up when the first five pizza places are closed
  • Study through osmosis
  • Keep a steady flow of Martinelli’s on hand
  • Read the text in line for the test
  • Hold ice cream pow wows with extra chocolate and caramel sauce
  • Email your roommates before you use the bathroom so they’ll know*
  • Create yourself a superhero alias**
  • Feed the ducks
  • Run up and down the bell tower stairs at night
  • Write backwards on the outside of neighbors’ windows with a white board marker***
  • Make sure everyone understands that a giraffe says ‘rawr’
  • Change your voicemail message weekly
  • Make documentaries of yourself (preferably dancing like water)
  • Visit Taco Bell with frequency after the guys have been kicked out
  • Spy on boys; get spied on by boys****

*Do you realize it was 1999? We thought it was cool that you could rent a computer from the school for a semester and have it in your bedroom. Sweet!


**Example aliases: Teqwita, Goddess of the Trees; Matrimonial Blizzard; Snow Princess

***This also required sitting on your roommate’s shoulders to reach the window

****I don’t even remember this, but it’s in my journal so it obviously happened