Heard ‘Round the Water Cooler

I was going through my notepads that I take with me to meetings at work, checking to see if I could tear off pages and throw them away and realized that I do two things to stay awake in meetings: draw pictures and write down quotes that people say. Here is a collection of those quotes (some, I wrote down who said them, some I forgot):

If you weren’t my boss, I’d flip you off.

The world belongs to you; it’s your world. I’m just renting. ~Freddy

We already know that by step 312, the house of cards will be down and burning. ~EH

We’re going to buy him cocaine.

Next day, you’re going to have to be here oh-dark-thirty. ~EH

Are you really missing it if you’re here partying anyway? ~AK (referring to working at midnight on New Year’s Eve)

If you’re not worried, you don’t get it.

Open your presents; get your ass in here. ~EH (Merry Christmas)

What if there’s a snowstorm and you live in Bountiful or Layton or where the elephants go to die like Fred? ~EH

I get to do all the estimates and you just have to make it work. ~Bob

You have a thought; I can feel it. ~EH to SD

I’m not texting my dogs. Do you see me texting my dogs? ~EH
Well… it’s my wife. ~Hoss

All These Quotes About Food and Drink

I have some random quotes queued up in my phone’s notes. As I scanned through them, I noticed a theme with half of them. They’re about food and drink. So here’s a themed quote of the week for ya:

“When the guys are over, I’ll socially drink Rockstar.” ~McJosh

“I’m having something that feels like hunger in my stomach.” ~Freddy

“You don’t want to cook by blacklight?”~Tracy
“I know how you love Halloween.” ~Maren
“Who doesn’t?!” ~Steph

“Hey kids; forget eating. We’re foosing!” ~Megs

“Doesn’t ice cream just fill in the cracks?” ~Me
“It does. I want all my cracks filled.” ~Maren

“Once I start, I can’t stop. It’s like no portion control in my dessert brain.” ~Rachel the Aussie

Day 5: Who Wants Some Personal Attention from Larrie?

Just before the Problogger website pops up, I get a little excited wondering what the challenge for today will be. Then I saw today’s “Build a Better Blog” task for Day 5: Email a Blog Reader.


That’s what I thought.

And for a bit, I wondered if I would just skip today.

I am only working a half day so why not take some time off from the blog world, too, right?

Then, as I was walking back to my desk from our team meeting, I overheard a conversation about lunch that went something like this:

Mz: Did you bring?

Freddy: No.

Mz: Step.

And off they went.

I did not go to lunch with them. Instead, I sat down at my desk surrounded by empty cubicles and in the silence of my IT world, I thought, “How about if I set up a little CONTEST for this here task today. Okay, yeah. Good idear o’Larrie.”

So here it is. Your contest for today, if you choose to accept, is to post a comment in order to WIN a chance to get an email from LARRIE! The winner will be the comment who finishes this sentence the best:

I realized it was time to move out of the OC when I saw a couple pushing a stroller meant for twins, and instead of twins it contained…

Reproduce an American

“For how long they are going to be here?” ~Mz

“She reproduces in May.” ~Freddy

“They did not think she was going to stay six months and produce an American?” ~Mz

I went to lunch with two coworkers. If you couldn’t guess, English isn’t their first language. They were talking about Freddy’s sister-in-law who was here on a visa. All my life, I called it giving birth, but reproducing and producing work, too, I suppose.

(I was sick yesterday. Did you miss me?)

Episode 37: How many times can YOU clear your throat?

A cough echoes in the hallway by the bathroom. A coworker on the phone is talking about “turn on and off our agent.” Freddy just sat down with a sigh and started clicking away with his mouse. More mouse clicking in the other surrounding cubes. My own typing is the loudest as my fingers race across the keys topping speeds of 90 words a minute. One of our PC support guys walks by and his key chain, which he keeps clipped to his hip, shakes, rattles, but doesn’t roll. The bathroom door opens and I can hear a toilet flush. Freddy yells “skinny!” and I get up to go talk to him. Back at my desk now, I hear the automatic door open as an employee enters the IT department. He clears his throat as he walks up the aisle next to me, then sits down in a nearby cubicle, clears his throat again and again and again.

I’ve resorted to listening to music ALL THE TIME lately, not just when somebody is having a loud conversation on the phone or people are “meeting” in the corner by the bathroom*. Otherwise, I spend all my time listening to Throat Clearer. He coughs, clears his throat. I hear a ding, that he just received an email and he clears his throat. His phone rings, he picks it up and clears his throat. He gets up to walk over to another’s cube, clearing his throat the whole way. He sits in the back and to the left of me in a meeting, clearing his throat.

This makes me think about all of the possible annoyances of having a husband. I would much rather put up with dirty socks on the floor than excessive throat clearing.

It’s a good thing there are ample amounts of music and audiobooks on our network here as well as on my own PC. It helps me keep my sanity. But could somebody please tell me why I am so sensitive now to the sounds of the Throat Clearer? I could pick him out of a crowd of hundreds, blindfolded.

And on a totally unrelated note: there’s an application up for a position in my Cabinet o’ Smart People—thanks to Clancy’s suggestion in this past blog. The link is in the right column and it’s your chance to have a coveted position that works with me! Wow, I am so nice to offer that. (If you’re “too cool” to actually visit my blog and click on the link—meaning, you never venture outside of your RSS reader—then fine, be that way, and click on this here link to access the application.)

*There are amazing echo abilities in this corner, which is only 10 yards away from my desk.

Episode 24: Good-bye Chocolate

Of course we think that OUR jokes are funny in IT.

We choose NOT to ask the general public whether or not they agree.

But, I am brave; I am going to post right here, on the public, world WIDE web, one of our jokes.

Yesterday, Freddy left his computer unlocked and went to his meeting.


Before long, MZ found his PC in such a vulnerable state and quickly clicked on his Outlook. It took seconds before the entire group received an email… from Freddie:

Subject: Come say godd [sic] bye

I decided to quit! Sick of working with you, people! Good bye chocolate at my desk…

Coworkers came running. Either to apologize and beg Freddy not to leave. Or because they wanted chocolate before it was all gone.

They found NO chocolate and NO Freddy. And even MZ had already snuck back to her desk undetected (except by me) and muffling her giggles.

With Freddy in a meeting and no chocolate at his desk, coworkers quickly worked to remedy the situation. Before long, the following items were strewn across his keyboard:

  1. A nearly empty package of double-stuff Oreos
  2. Six tootsie rolls (the really little ones)
  3. One dark-chocolate Hershey’s bar, broken in several places
  4. A dark chocolate candy bar from some foreign country
  5. Two Hershey’s Nuggets Truffles
  6. And one tin of milk chocolate Slim-Fast powdered drink mix.

Upon Freddy’s return, he wondered aloud: “Is it Halloween already?”

Bethy the Third then asked him if perhaps he was depressed (being the reason that he had decided to quit) and Freddy quickly replied, “I’ve never been depressed so if I was, I wouldn’t know.”

With that statement, the as-depressed-as-the-average-working-adult coworkers ran to Freddy’s desk and took all of the chocolate to consume for themselves and try to lift their own dreary spirits.

Good thing Freddy doesn’t like chocolate.

Political Link of the Day (I laughed): “…Imagine the Democratic nominee’s day as Barack Palin Obama

Episode 19: The Core Crew

Next week, a VERY IMPORTANT part of my workout routine will be DENIED. Clearly, when one of the project managers was scheduling testing, he DIDN’T LOOK AT MY SCHEDULE TO SEE THAT I WAS UNAVAILABLE. Doesn’t he understand that one of my most important appointments occurs every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 10:00 a.m.? If I missed it, even once, my back gets VERY mad at me. This appointment is the abs/core class in our on-site gym. It’s only 15 minutes, but those are extremely important 15 minutes for my personal well-being.

Next week, however, I will now be stuck in el-crappo meetings Monday, Wednesday AND Friday from 9:15 – 10:30 a.m. Seriously. Do you realize how much I wanted to DECLINE the meeting request? For the sake of my back’s happiness, of course.

When I took my current position, part of the “negotiations” was demanding an expensive, ergonomic, make-the-other-coworkers-jealous chair. Yes… I DEMANDED it. Apparently, I also should have negotiated for a contract that GUARANTEES my ability to attend abs/core classes no matter what.

So to my “Core Crew” (Jason, Freddy and once a quarter, McJosh), I apologize that I will not be able to attend class with you next week. When I return the following week, I hope that I am not sad and weak around my middle section.

(P.S. To Janet: I’m sorry to say this, but I no longer tip over in this class… amazing, I know.)

I think we should make t-shirts with this as our rockin logo.

I think we should make t-shirts with this as our rockin' logo.

Episode 16 – What do YOU wear to work?

If I constantly recorded conversation in my group, I could have a mighty impressive record for HR. I can’t give you any examples; sorry. I can, however, give you a mild conversation that I got a kick out of, between Freddy and the Boss.

Boss: I wear underwears, too… in case you’re interested… and deodorant.

Freddy: Why?

Boss: It’s company policy.

I knew there was a reason our company policy was so specific, but I also know people who either need new deodorant or who are deliberately breaking rules. And, of course, they work in IT.