Think You Know Me?

My friend, Clancy, is attempting a 30 days 30 ideas type of blogging activity right now. Yay for her. I grabbed the list of all of the 30 ideas to blog about because I thought, yeah, that might have some good suggestions. So being the rebel that I am (ooooooo), I’m just going to pick and choose my favorites every several blog posts. Do enjoy. (And thanks, Clanc.)

Five things about me that no one really knows.

  1. I was terrified of an earthquake hitting in the middle of the night when I was in junior high. We learned all about them in depth in a geology class in 8th grade and I was absolutely frightened that it would happen while we were all sleeping. I don’t know why it didn’t scare me during the day. But it was so bad that I can remember one night when I was the babysitter for my younger siblings, they had all gone to bed and I was so scared that I went down to the basement and slept under the coffee table in the family room. I was also worried that my cat would get crushed by the ceiling falling in. I used to turn music on at night to help me fall asleep.
  2. When I was in elementary school, I would hide in the closet and read books. Sometimes, I just didn’t want my family to know where I was so I would use the door frame to climb up to the shelves above the hanging clothes and read. I must have brought my “itty bitty book light” with me so I could see the pages. I don’t remember ever being “caught” up there.
  3. I hated most of first grade. I don’t remember really making any friends in that class. I do remember, though, two experiences at recess. One, I went and found my friend, Nate, who I always played with since preschool. He and some other kid, Derrick, were playing pass with the football. Nate was in a different first grade class than me and Derrick was in his class. I asked if I could play pass, too. Nate looked at Derrick and Derrick immediately stuck out his tongue and said something smooth like, “ew, we don’t play with girls. Girls can’t throw footballs.” After that, Nate and I didn’t actually play much and he moved away at the end of the school year. So then another recess, I tried to go and jump rope with the girls in my class. They were doing double dutch and I asked if I could, too. They let me so I tried to jump in but I’d never done it before and caught both of the ropes. They got mad at me and told me I couldn’t play with them anymore. I don’t remember what I did at recess the rest of the school year. Second grade was much better.
  4. When I was in fourth grade, I would go back to visit my third grade teacher on Friday afternoons. I didn’t tell people about this because, first, who visits their teacher, and second, who visits Mrs. Gibbs? She was the mean teacher. But she wanted me to stop by and play a piano piece for her (no clue why her classroom had a piano in it) and she kept one of my art projects from the year before to display on her door for the holidays.
  5. When Nathan (my husband, not my preschool friend) kissed me for the first time, one of the thoughts in the back of my mind was how he was younger than me. I had a few guy friends that had made a big deal about how they would never date an older woman and I worried that this would eventually become an issue for Nathan, too. Today, I don’t look at him and think he’s much younger than me anymore. It’s probably because he can take better care of me than I can (except for the last few weeks because he’d been so sick and I tried to take care of him, but I just didn’t know for sure what to do… feeling helpless is no bueno).

And now you know.

What Happens When You Journal On Ambien

This post is meant for the entire internet, of course, but it’s particularly “special” for Clancy.

Here, my friends, is what one of my journal entries look like on a good day, followed by a journal entry written on Ambien.

Non-medicated Journal Entry:

Under the Influence of Ambien Journal Entry:

What have YOU done on Ambien?

Self-Portraits of a Four-Year-Old


Submit your captions for this week’s caption contest in the comments below. Winner will be praised next week.

Jarv read the captions from last week’s contest to my family after Sunday dinner. Judging by the amount of laughter, there were many quality submissions. GOOD WORK PEOPLE. With that said, here are the top three captions judging by the amount of laughter.

First place: CLANCY! It was the little addition at the end of her comment about the tiny shovel. That was the punch line that brought out the guffaws. High five, Clanc! Note on Clancy: she’s the coolest blogging, landlording, raising childrening, Idahoan I know.

Second place: Janet. In the words of Seinfeld, coming in as 2nd place means that you’re the #1 loser. But at least you’re a funny one! Jarv even read your comment with the right pirate-y accent. Note on Janet: I miss diet coke breaks.

Third place: Emily. The good, former stake president (my dad) chuckled the most at this once, referencing the parable of the mule. Note on Emily: She’s a great blogger, too, so check her out, mmkay?

There’s A Whole Lotta Blue Here

Enter the CAPTION CONTEST now!

The Sciolist Cell Phone Pic of the Weeknot-™ is published each week with the intent to entice readers to comment. This is accomplished with a CONTEST! The winner will receive a blog nod in the following week’s post-what a TREMENDOUS prize. Entering is easy. Just click on Comment below, fill in the identification information requested and enter your caption for the above picture as your comment. You have until Larrie posts the following Wednesday’s pic to enter.

Ready… GO!*

Last Week’s Winner: Clancy Pants pulls off the win with a narrow victory. Way to go girlfriend. It’s all about who makes me laugh the most. It was a good week for submissions.

And by GO, I mean COMMENT.

Little Guy’s All Tuckered Out

Enter the CAPTION CONTEST now!

The Sciolist Cell Phone Pic of the Weeknot-™ is published each week with the intent to entice readers to comment. This is accomplished with a CONTEST! The winner will receive a blog nod in the following week’s post-what a TREMENDOUS prize. Entering is easy. Just click on Comment below, fill in the identification information requested and enter your caption for the above picture as your comment. You have until Larrie posts the following Wednesday’s pic to enter.

Ready… GO!*

Last Week’s Winner: So it was a really close one this week. I couldn’t seem to choose so I enlisted some non-biased votes from people who don’t read my blog. I was going to say from some friends at work, but um, yeah… they don’t read my blog (except for Maren, who reads my blog and is therefore my sister-friend). Okay, so back to the winner. When it came down to it Braden inched by just barely. And really, since he posted the 777th comment on my blog, he deserves a win for that. If my parents hadn’t cleaned out their garage since I ran track in 6th grade, I’d totally find my third place ribbon from a 100 meter dash and hand it over as a prize. (I keep the first prize ribbons from the 400 meter dashes, thank you very much.) So, way to go Braden and close call Emily and Clancy. So close.

*And by GO!, I mean COMMENT!

Day 17: Recruit your Friends!

Today’s “Build a Better Blog” task is all about watching a first-time reader browse through my blog. I’m going to assign this one as homework to you, my loyal followers readers friends. Here it is, in three easy steps:

Step one: Phone a Friend

Actually, this really requires you to VISIT a friend or RECRUIT one to come over. I’m encouraging you to be social. You’ll need about 10 minutes of their time so bribe them with cookies and milk or maybe just some special time with YOU. Good thinking.

Step two: Introduce the Sciolist

Now that you’ve cornered your friend at your place, stick them in front of the computer and send them to this here fabulous blog. Then just watch. How long before they get bored? Do they ever laugh? At what point do they turn to you and ask, “How many people and/or personalities are writing for this blog?” Laugh.

Step three: Ask them “How sweet was that blog?”

Or ask them more serious questions like, “What was your first impression?” Cool header. “How did you feel reading it?” Like I could conquer the world. “Would you ever go back and read it without the cookies/milk bribe?” Maybe if somebody bribed me with a hot dog with cheese in the middle… mmm.

The end.

Now on to the fun part… CAPTION CONTEST. WOOT WOOT!

Enter the CAPTION CONTEST now!

The Sciolist Cell Phone Pic of the Weeknot-TM is published each week with the intent to entice readers to comment. This is accomplished with a CONTEST! The winner will receive a blog nod in the following week’s post-what a TREMENDOUS prize. Entering is easy. Just click on Comment below, fill in the identification information requested and enter your caption for the above picture as your comment. You have until Larrie posts the following Wednesday’s pic to enter.

Ready… GO!*

Last Week’s Winner: First off, nobody even made mention of the red note my boss had put on my white board: “Just say NO to sports.” But that’s okay. These are YOUR captions, not mine. So I almost picked the drugs comment (doesn’t that make you feel jipped, Clancy, that I ALMOST picked yours, but then, that I DIDN’T?), but in the end, the accolades go to Carolyn. It’s so true, too. DON’T ERASE WHITE BOARDS IN THE IT DEPARTMENT. EVER. Carolyn’s my good friend from “the island”** who taught some of my favorite Relief Society lessons*** and is much smarter than I am in the geek world. High five, Carolyn!

*And by GO!, I mean COMMENT!

**If you missed my life on “the island”, check out the old blog entries that date back to my really old blog over at live spaces: here, here, here, here and here.

***And for somebody who’s not always excited for RS, this is a big deal.

Day 4: Is there anybody out there… like me?*

Today’s “Build a Better Blog” task required me to analyze a top blog in my niche.

My niche?

Is there any other blog in the world in my niche?

I was stumped.

So instead, I started scanning through my friends’ blogs. I heart my friends. I heart their blogs. These are some of them (in random order):

Mama’s Boys – Linds and I became friends our senior year of high school, but we went to school together since kindergarten. It’s sad that we missed out on all of those years of friendship we could have had, but we made up for it, possibly all in one weekend that involved squirt guns, walkie-talkies, cell phones, undercover gang patrol cops, and an accident.

Phabulous Phippens – Mine and Karen’s friendship came and went because she came and went moving to and from Utah and always back to the same school from elementary through high school. This included a short stint in a musical, getting in trouble with the typing teacher, and attempting to sing in choir first thing in the morning. When I have kids, I’ll expect to call her frequently for advice.

Shanny’s Life – Shannon and I also went to school together since kindergarten and became almost friends in high school, but REALLY became friends as roommates our freshman year in college. That happened because I leaned over in Calculus, senior year, and said, “Hey, I need a roommate and you’re going to BYU. What’s your social security number?” (I also follow her husband, Clark’s blog, Bethletard. It’s a good one.)

The M’s – Sabrina shares her blog with her husband-how cute are they? And again, she’s a friend who I went to school with since kindergarten, but didn’t really become buds until senior year. Are we noticing a theme yet? However, we do have some moments of connection prior to that, including hiding in a garage with baby quail (sometime in 3rd grade, perhaps), and having Calculus study sessions in my basement where we rewarded ourselves with playing some type of wrestling game on the N64 after.

my little adventures… – Meghan, Meghan, bo Beghan experienced the Larrie friendship curve. This is where it takes some time before she realizes my quirks are actually endearing and then decides that we should spend Valentine’s Day eating Thai food with our Korean friend and then bake mountains of chocolate chip cookies while listening to Outkast. Can you believe they allowed such unruly behavior at BYU? Thankfully, the friendship curve doesn’t seem to be a bell curve; no sloping down yet.

Scattered Starlight – English majors UNITE! Somehow, Katie and I never got to know each other during our tenure as English majors at BYU, but we became friends afterwards, thanks to my sister-in-law, her best friend, Genny. Now we get to connect in a myriad of ways, from reading each others’ blogs to twittering back and forth or posting on each others’ Facebook walls. Yep, we’re TIGHT.

v1.2 – “Kaakun” was in a BYU ward. I have no idea how we became friends because there are many, many holes in my memory from that year of school. However, I do remember him and Rachel playing the “state game,” his commentary during mine and my roommates’ ice skating finals, and drawing on his apartment window in the middle of the night. Since then, there have been Vegas weddings, broken beds, and vomiting at Crown Burger. Sweet, sweet memories.

Family blogs: life of laina – I’m so happy my brother married Laina, for many reasons, one of which is that she blogs and it’s consistent, unlike her husband, Thane, who recently started up again on his blog, My Separate from Wife’s Blog. Nobody else in my family really blogs so I adopted my sister-in-law, Tracy’s family: Aimee, internal conversations & ramblings of aimee heffernan; Scott, Vote of Die Blog; and Ryan, The Idealistic Investor.

Tiffanie – I am a fan of our story. We met briefly during the ’99-’00 school year when she visited my roommate from Kansas. Then, I ended up in that same roommate’s wedding party where her best friend from Kansas, Tiff, did not. Seemed odd and so I was hesitant to talk to Tiff because I was the bad guy in this situation. Then, many moons later, she moved to Salt Lake and we ended up in the same singles ward. I went up to her and said, “Are you from Olathe, Kansas?” Who’s heard of Olathe and who can pronounce it right? Me. That’s who. Oh-lay-thah.

Two of my roommates who weren’t actually roommates: Nichole-The Audrey show, and Leslie-The Collyafaces. We lived next door, but both apartments got along so well, we would have knocked down the wall that separated us if we could. Now, I just stalk them via their blogs where they post pics of their adorable little girls.

A Day in the Life of Clancy – I knew Clancy when I was younger, but she was always the big sister. Instead, I spent all of my time running around with her little sister, Lacy-climbing cherry trees, rollerblading down Harrison (from 1300 E to 1100 E), doing art projects and playing Nintendo. However, today, Clancy and I go rollerblading down Harrison. Wait. No, we don’t because she doesn’t even live in Utah. Instead, we just stalk each others’ blogs and hit up the jokes on FB chat. It’s a beautiful relationship.

Norton News – Amy and I rocked the basketball court (and sometimes the bench) in high school. I miss her motivational speeches tailored just to me and my emotional rollercoaster ride that was high school sports. Then, she motivated me through a summer of door-to-door sales by sending lengthy emails. Now, she’s got an adorable little family, house, life, etc. It’s fabulous.

View from the Bushes – Every time I read the title of his blog, I think of a peeping tom. However, Ross is not… as far as I know. He’s the former coworker who I initially judged by appearance (longer hair, scraggily beard) and then got over that and realized he was an English major turned geek with the sharpest wit in the department. He moved on to bigger, better things than our web dude at work and now I have to stalk him via his blog. And we have Facebook. Too bad I only got one date with his brother-he would have been a catch.

My sister blogs. Oh wait, no, no she doesn’t, otherwise I would have included it in the family section above. But once, her roommate tried to set up a blog for the two of them: Merphanie. That lasted long. The other roommate, Kasi keeps up the blogging on her own site: Kismet of Kas. Also, I follow Martha’s blog, MOSTLY MARTHA. I’m pretty sure we’re both Mrs.-Lake-trained writers.

I know-this list is getting very long. I skipped over some people because they haven’t blog very recently. (Or because I don’t want them to know that I read their blogs regularly, mwahaha.) The rest of the blogs that I follow are written by people that I do not know… AT ALL.

Here’s a quick list of SOME of those: almost literary, Normal Mormon Husbands, The Art of Over-Thinking, Why Mormon Girls Stay Single, Lifehacker, Mashable!, Seth’s Blog, etc.

Okay, I’m tired of adding hyperlinks so you’ll just have to guess what all the other blogs are that I follow. What blogs do you follow?

*When I started typing this subject line, I was singing in my head, Pink Floyd’s Is There Anybody Out There? There’s not much to sing, though. Basically, while writing the remainder of this awesome blog post, I was repeating over and over in my head, “Hello, hello, hello” fading out.

It’s All About Your Roots

What does it say about me that often, the highlights of my life, have to do with spending time with my family? Does that make me a dorky home body? Am I “too cool” for singles school? Are my priorities boring or are they just right?

I vote for just right.

You would too if you were in my family.

This got me to thinking about some of my friends’ families and I realized, a lot of what draws me to friends is their families. (Cool people CLEARLY come from cool families.)

Growing up, I spent tons of time with Krista, Erin and Lacy.
Krista had a sister that taught clogging (in their garage where Krista and I had created a BYU club in the back corner*) and then her brother, Griff, lived with us for a while. He also helped me to bring a huge cooler-full of water balloons to a friends’ luau and fall over laughing behind the bush where we were launching them over the roof.
Erin’s dad, we called the Rabbi, because he was always wearing a fedora. As an adult, I’ve played soccer with Erin and two of her brothers-in-law. Clearly, her sisters have good taste to marry these men.
Lacy’s family practically deserves its own blog entry from the “thumb exercises” we did and wouldn’t let her little brother play with us, to the story of the dog bite, climbing cherry trees, the truck with the brick under the brake pedal, chickens in Idaho, and the rekindled friendship with Clancy.

By my senior year of high school, I realized that just down the street lived a new favorite person. I still can’t believe that I went to school with Lindsey since kindergarten and we didn’t become friends until 12th grade. Oh the memories we could have had. We tried to make up for it, though, by packing our senior year full of adventures, from scaring her mom by using the hide-a-key to come in the back door late at night, to backing up alleys during car chases after her little brother showed us the escape route, a car accident that led to a court appearance, and our sadie hawkins video. Priceless. Oh yeah, and her mom is my friend on facebook, her brother, Ben, played the roll of pretend boyfriend in my singles ward to stop the advances of a “special” boy in the ward, and her littlest brother, G, is a friend of my brother.
Other gems my senior year included all of the “unspeakables” including the small percentage of Smiths I have met. There’s just so many, Karen, but so far, I love ’em all.

When I went to BYU, my Ute family was disappointed. I therefore adopted a new family in the Becksteads and was excessively blessed. Who knew Idaho could raise such an amazing family? Wow. Friends for-ev-ah.

These days, I don’t meet my friends’ families as much since we no longer live with our parents and often live in a different state or even countries. Luckily, I have met some and the story is the same: cool people come from cool families. Monica’s amazing family came to my house to host her moving-to-California party and from eating bratwurst to playing muff, it was a practically perfect night**. I haven’t met all of Meghan‘s family, but her parents are amazing, especially her mom’s crepes, and her Grandma adopted me for a while when she lived in Salt Lake. Lucky me!

The list could go on and on, but then the only people who would keep reading are those that are looking for a mention of themselves. Sorry… you just didn’t make the cut THIS TIME.

As for me, though, I’m probably the coolest person in Utah because of the family that I come from. Seriously, internet, if you were with me, Abe (5yrs) and Jane (3yrs) while we were doing Paula Abdul’s Cardio Dance DVD, you would ABSOLUTELY agree.

*In order to gain entry into our club, you had to name at least TWO former BYU athletes who were currently playing professionally. Isn’t that how YOU would define your admittance into a club created in fourth grade?

**It wasn’t allowed to actually be perfect because of the meaning of the party: Moni was moving away. Sigh.

Episode 37: How many times can YOU clear your throat?

A cough echoes in the hallway by the bathroom. A coworker on the phone is talking about “turn on and off our agent.” Freddy just sat down with a sigh and started clicking away with his mouse. More mouse clicking in the other surrounding cubes. My own typing is the loudest as my fingers race across the keys topping speeds of 90 words a minute. One of our PC support guys walks by and his key chain, which he keeps clipped to his hip, shakes, rattles, but doesn’t roll. The bathroom door opens and I can hear a toilet flush. Freddy yells “skinny!” and I get up to go talk to him. Back at my desk now, I hear the automatic door open as an employee enters the IT department. He clears his throat as he walks up the aisle next to me, then sits down in a nearby cubicle, clears his throat again and again and again.

I’ve resorted to listening to music ALL THE TIME lately, not just when somebody is having a loud conversation on the phone or people are “meeting” in the corner by the bathroom*. Otherwise, I spend all my time listening to Throat Clearer. He coughs, clears his throat. I hear a ding, that he just received an email and he clears his throat. His phone rings, he picks it up and clears his throat. He gets up to walk over to another’s cube, clearing his throat the whole way. He sits in the back and to the left of me in a meeting, clearing his throat.

This makes me think about all of the possible annoyances of having a husband. I would much rather put up with dirty socks on the floor than excessive throat clearing.

It’s a good thing there are ample amounts of music and audiobooks on our network here as well as on my own PC. It helps me keep my sanity. But could somebody please tell me why I am so sensitive now to the sounds of the Throat Clearer? I could pick him out of a crowd of hundreds, blindfolded.

And on a totally unrelated note: there’s an application up for a position in my Cabinet o’ Smart People—thanks to Clancy’s suggestion in this past blog. The link is in the right column and it’s your chance to have a coveted position that works with me! Wow, I am so nice to offer that. (If you’re “too cool” to actually visit my blog and click on the link—meaning, you never venture outside of your RSS reader—then fine, be that way, and click on this here link to access the application.)

*There are amazing echo abilities in this corner, which is only 10 yards away from my desk.

Laughing, Despite the LOL

“You’re freakin’ hilarious. LOL! You are like a breath mint in a room full of halitosis.” ~Clancy

First, I must admit that I am not a fan of LOL and I can’t quite explain it, but Jarv and I agree and therefore forward each other the worst examples of the “offense” when our coworkers email it. Despite that, I love this comment that Clancy posted on my blog. It reminds me why I blog: to provide some laughter. And it should remind you that I read comments; PLUS, I respond to comments. So you should comment more. Any comments?