canadia

I lied to the internet about my departure from the Island


It’s true; I’m a terrible, no good person because I lied to the internet when I told you that I had slipped away from the Island of the Misfit Toys without even whispering good bye. I lied because of two things: one, I just relocated to a different location on that same island and, two, the Toys secretly set up a little soirée to properly say goodbye.

I’ll have you know, however, that Saturday night, Maren lied to me. I can’t believe my little sister lied and I didn’t even catch it. I must have been too tired because I had stayed up until the early morning hours the night before watching movies (yes, that word was purposefully plural) on my NEW TV at my place.

Back to Maren lying: Saturday afternoon, we went to a shower for my cousin and I was reminded that he and his fiancé probably have several toasters now from well-wishers and I don’t have one… yet. (P.S. If you’d like to send me house warming gifts, I’ll take an iron, ironing board, cleaning supplies, toaster, blender, mixer, or a Mac, thank you.) During the shower, my cousin, Ster sent me a text inquiry about the possibility of getting together to play Rock Band. Side note: I have finally realized that I spend A LOT OF TIME with my family and while I don’t think of that as a bad thing, there are some who think it’s a bit too much like reality TV version of [insert your favorite 1970s sitcom here, e.g.: Partridge Family or Brady Bunch]. I told Ster that I couldn’t make it to band practice because of the massive amounts of homework I needed to take care of. I also informed Maren that this was the case and my reason for turning down an evening of rocking out with the Campbells.

“Oh, well do you want to just go to dinner with me after my soccer game tonight? Like at eight?”

I briefly thought about turning this down as well, but one hour wouldn’t be so bad to take a break from writing a proposal for my class.

“Okay.”

I went home after the shower and started unboxing books. Turns out, I have a lot of those and before I knew it, I was exhausted from the memories (ah, the SWEET memories of reading McTeague and The Golden Bowl; nothing better than depressive, American literature) of sorting through all of my books and it was now 7:00 p.m. I took a nap.

I woke up with enough time to brush my teeth and then drive up to Maren’s. I briefly thought about calling her to suggest meeting at a restaurant halfway, since gas is SO AFFORDABLE these days, but then I realized that deciding where to eat over the phone can be a difficult task for the two of us. It would be easier to spend ten minutes standing in her kitchen trying to decide.

When I got there, Maren grabbed her keys and said, “I’ll drive.” We usually have to arm wrestle to see who has to use their precious gas. Nobody just volunteers THAT. And then we left.

I got in the car wondering why we hadn’t decided where to eat yet.

“Where do you want to go?”

“Um, I don’t know.”

The conversation was starting out as usual, except for the fact that we’re already driving so I’m not sure how she decided that she would turn right off of her street. WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE RESTAURANTS TO THE LEFT?

“How about the Soup Kitchen?”

I wanted to go somewhere cheap—obviously. And then I started talking about how I was going to order the egg salad sandwich.

“And what soup, she asked? Do you think they’re still open?”

I hadn’t decided on the soup, but I sent Google a text to get a phone number and make sure they were still open. I was starving.

At this point in the game, Maren pulled into the parking lot of the church.

“Where are you going?”

“I have to pick up something from the church.”

I started to realize that she had been lying to me the entire time. Well, I almost started to realize. First, I asked if there was a ward activity because there were so many cars in the lot that I knew belonged to misfit toys. And then I realized. WE WEREN’T GOING ANYWHERE TO ORDER ANY EGG SALAD SANDWICHES.

I walked inside of the church and there, standing around in the gym with snacks and Guitar Hero, were many misfit toys, excited to yell surprise at me. I turned around and went for pizza.

Okay, so I came back and brought enough pizza to share. Maren paid for it—to make up for all the lies.

We played Guitar Hero (with limited songs because apparently, nobody has WON any yet). People played some sort of games in a circle on the other side of the gym (I have no idea what they were playing because it was too far to walk). They busted out karaoke. They started to clean up the snacks around 10:00 p.m. so I asked Joel-in-the-box to go and collect the Doritos. Maren called Ster and had him come over and get his guitar fix for the night. Thankfully, it was a party not just for myself, but also for Alaska, and Aaron (since we’re all leaving/or have left this month). And I left the party at 10:30. It’s sad, I know, but I really did have homework.

When I got home, I turned on my TV and selected a QUALITY movie with Hillary Swank and Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Dying to Belong, from On-Demand and turned on the laptop to attempt homework. Eventually, I went to bed, only to wake up the next day and go to a new singles ward and find out that I had relocated to a different neighborhood, but hadn’t left the island. Perhaps I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.

P.S. Thanks to Canadia for putting this together, and I heard that Heather was involved, too, though she was MIA from the dorito-eating part-ay.