BYU

How to Survive College


My sense of humor has changed as I’ve grown older. I suppose you can chalk it up to maturity, if you believe that I’ve grown more mature. The following journal entry, I thought was hilarious when I wrote it, as a freshman surviving BYU and living in an apartment with 6 girls and ONE BATHROOM. Also, remember that we were living in Provo and attending a no-drinking, no partying type of school where fraternities and sororities did not exist. Not exactly your typical college experience.

December 9, 1999

How to survive as a freshman college woman:

  • Have pimple popping parties
  • Don’t give up when the first five pizza places are closed
  • Study through osmosis
  • Keep a steady flow of Martinelli’s on hand
  • Read the text in line for the test
  • Hold ice cream pow wows with extra chocolate and caramel sauce
  • Email your roommates before you use the bathroom so they’ll know*
  • Create yourself a superhero alias**
  • Feed the ducks
  • Run up and down the bell tower stairs at night
  • Write backwards on the outside of neighbors’ windows with a white board marker***
  • Make sure everyone understands that a giraffe says ‘rawr’
  • Change your voicemail message weekly
  • Make documentaries of yourself (preferably dancing like water)
  • Visit Taco Bell with frequency after the guys have been kicked out
  • Spy on boys; get spied on by boys****

*Do you realize it was 1999? We thought it was cool that you could rent a computer from the school for a semester and have it in your bedroom. Sweet!


**Example aliases: Teqwita, Goddess of the Trees; Matrimonial Blizzard; Snow Princess

***This also required sitting on your roommate’s shoulders to reach the window

****I don’t even remember this, but it’s in my journal so it obviously happened

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Longing for a Sold-Back Textbook


Technically, this post isn’t a journal entry. AT ALL. But, it is a little trip down memory lane. So let’s pretend it’s like posting one of my old journal entries. Sure, that sounds like it qualifies to me.

I was reading a blog entry written by one of my heroes, Louise*. She purchased a used chemistry text book at a sale at BYU that was marked up throughout by some past student. The margin scribblings, smiley faces, asterisks and even a portrait of Paco on page 217, intrigued her.

This got me thinking.

Who bought my Physical Science textbook from my freshman year?

It was almost Christmas break, 1999, and I needed money to buy Christmas gifts. I wasn’t working while in school so for the first time in my life, I didn’t know where I was going to get money from**. So I turned to my textbooks.

My accounting book would fetch me nearly $100. I was happy to part with that one.

I can’t remember now how much I got for returning the physical science book. It was a large paperback with a black cover, but it was what was INSIDE that was really worth more than the bookstore was offering me.

I sold it back anyway, pocketed the cash, and went about buying gifts for family and friends.

So what do you think was inside?

I remember one night, trying to read through the first nine chapters of the book in a few hours, which the average student in the class had been reading THROUGHOUT the first several weeks of the semester, in preparation for the test the next day. At one point, I was reading on my bed in my room. Then I moved to a couch out in the common area and eventually pulled one of the cushioned chairs out onto the small balcony area. My roommates peered out at me from our door, looking through the tall glass windows. So I wanted to let them know how I felt about preparing for this test. I found a blank page at the end of one of the chapters and spent a good thirty minutes carefully drawing a message, in beautiful block printing with shadows and little characters base jumping from the tops of the letters. The messages said something like: I ABHOR TESTS.

Once I finished, I knocked on the window to get their attention, then held it up to show them how I felt. They mostly agreed. One of them didn’t because she was really looking forward to how I scored on the test as she had already taken it and had prepared all week instead of a few hours to earn her B. (I eventually got an A-.)

I had a hard time paying attention in that class. We met in a small lecture hall, but the class size didn’t even fill up half of the seats. I climbed to the higher seats with a little walkway in front of them. The teacher followed the exact same structure every day. Take roll. Remind people what to read for the test. Outline any possible extra credit assignments available in a lab somewhere in some science building on campus. Then, she turned out the light and went through some sort of slideshow for the day’s lesson. At this point, I did one of three things: 1) move from my chair to the floor/walkway and take a nap; 2) attempt to follow along with my textbook, but mostly just doodled in the margins; 3) ate my Granny B’s Pink Frosted Sugar Cookie I’d purchased at the vending machine on the way to class.

My favorite doodle involved Einstein and Newton getting together on a nice lawn under a tree with NO apples one afternoon and having a chat. I think I even included a little squirrel sitting in on the conversation.

And that is the book that I sold back to the BYU bookstore for a handful of bills in order to buy Christmas gifts.

I hope whoever purchased the used book added some remarks that the squirrel could contribute to the conversation. That would be appropriate.

Today, I wish I wouldn’t have sold that book back. I wish I still had my doodles.

What have you given up or lost or sold that you miss?


*I am quite certain that this lovely lady is a hero to many, many people, who she may not even know, but she is MY hero thanks to her help to get me back on track academically and today, I am now a Master. Thanks in part to Louise’s counseling, humor and even letter of recommendation.

**Most of my life, I’d had some way to earn spending money, from the paper route back in fourth grade where I crashed my bike weekly because I wasn’t strong enough to steer it with all the papers hanging in my delivery bag wrapped around the handles, to the six seasons of being a soccer referee—rain or shine, or even to the babysitting jobs that kept me from sitting at home being uncool on weekends.

Changes to Larrie’s eWorld


I was waiting for some great idea to hit me and I’d have a humorous entry worthy of your precious blog-reading time. Nothing has hit me.

Sorry.

I tried; really, I did.

I didn’t want to talk about the BYU-Utah game because Kaakun already said enough. Or perhaps Hall threw the game on purpose so that the U could become the biggest donor to BYU’s program via a second trip to a BCS bowl…

I even tried reading old blog entries to spark an idea. And by old, we’re talking an ENTIRE year ago. That was ages and ages ago. Can you believe I’m even still blogging? Since then, though, I’ve had many changes to my eWorld. Or at least, I think there have been. Let’s make a list, how ‘bout?

  1. Changed blog hosts, leaving behind the restricted Live Spaces for more freedom from WordPress
  2. Ended my use of MSN Messenger following a company lockdown when an IT Support personnel (no less) clicked on a link from an outside contact and started spreading a virus to all his company contacts
  3. Now use Communicator at work and therefore no longer know what DFunk is up to
  4. Still have a Myspace account, but what’s the use?
  5. Probably overuse Facebook for event invitations, sharing pictures and poking people
  6. Blog every work day
  7. No longer have my own webpage; isn’t a blog as fantastic as mine good enough for you?
  8. Log online at home through my very own Comcast connection because I live all alone
  9. Use a new online stalking tool: iSearch
  10. Neglect my online-hosted email accounts because when I get home from work, all I care to do online is school
  11. No longer leave comments on my friends’ blogs (even when I have plenty to say) because they’re all blocked at work
  12. Use flickr for all of my online-photo-hosting needs
  13. Frequent Google Reader
  14. Stopped reading some blogs (like dooce and yourheartout) because for some reason, I got bored of them
  15. Stopped reading other blogs (like sarahnielsen and seriouslysoblessed) because they didn’t send entire feeds via RSS (BOO)
  16. I now post a Political Link of the Day, but does anybody ever read them? Does anybody even read this blog?
  17. And LAST, I’ve found this AMAZING product online that I will purchase for all of the men on my Christmas giving list this year: the Uroclub. For a great image of the club in action, click HERE.

So that was a good list, right? Sure… why not. I thought maybe it would be a better list, but trying to remember what I did a year ago compared to now turned out to be way too much work. Besides, I’m at work and I already have work to do.


Political Link of the Day: “Anatomy of a Meltdown: Ben Bernanke and the Financial Crisis

Over fifteen months, beginning in August, 2007, the Fed, through various novel programs known by their initials… lent more than a trillion dollars to dozens of institutions… The programs, which have received little public attention, were supposed to be temporary, but they have been greatly expanded and remain in effect.

Episode 27: Rivalry Friday


It’s a big game this weekend, right? I mean, we’re talking HUGE. It is such a big deal that people’s salvations hang in the balance because it’s a holy war of sorts. You’re either blue or red—no purple allowed.

So an email went out to my entire company yesterday.

Subject: Rivalry Week Team Colors

Dear Colleagues,

In the spirit of college rivalry week, we encourage employees to wear their team colors to work on Friday and Saturday. Enjoy the excitement of the week and cheer your team to victory.

As always, please stay professional, respectful and safe at work.

Go Team!

I’m wearing my professional BYU shirt today. It has a collar, therefore, it is professional. But, it’s always a bit cold in the office so I have on my BYU sweatshirt, too. Just wanted to make sure that my boss (who’s wearing a big read Ute sweatshirt) doesn’t forget that her subordinate is cheering for the enemy.

I’m so glad they told us to be safe. Otherwise, we might start wrapping statues in saran wrap and guarding Y Mount. Oh… right. That’s what they do on campus at the Y because of the big, bad U students that are sure to go down to Provo and paint their “eternal family” statue all red. What would happen to all those Cougar fans if they woke up in the morning to find the Y on the mountain painted red and all of the ROTC cadets that were SUPPOSED to be guarding it, knocked unconscious? Rivalry week is a scary thing.

Really. It’s SCARY.

For me.

My eternal family is red. So what is the blue sheep of the family to do tomorrow if my Cougars lose to the best Ute team since Urban Meyer?

(When I was little, Jarv and Thane used to cheer for the Cougars, too.)


Political Link of the Day: “What is the average hourly wage of a UAW auto worker?

Look What I Wrote Today


You would think after another busy weekend, I would have massive amounts of rambling to do. Perhaps I would share all the intimate details if I wasn’t so tired and coughy. (It’s my blog; I make up my own words.)

Don’t get me wrong, though. The weekend was rather fabulous although I should have slept more.

Plus, the cherry on top was seeing some of my Unspeakable pals, Kow, Bean and fam Sunday night. It was worth the drive to P-town.

Now I’m at work. Surprise. And there’s plenty to do. Surprise.

So rather than take the time to create a witty post about something that happened this weekend, I will simply cut and paste what I wrote this morning for work. Now, you will see why I’m so good at my job… because of the YEARS of honing my mighty writing skills as I earned my English degree from the prodigious BYU. Enjoy this brief, but enormously interesting SQL query:

select distinct

cast (masterSetting.setting_value as varchar(32)) as

‘setting_value’,

mastersetting.CLTD_ID,

test.test_number,

test.test_name,

test.ARUP_TEST_NUM,

test.USE_ARUP_TEST_DATA

from

dbo.tblCLTDMasterSetting mastersetting (nolock)

inner join dbo.tblCLTDSetting setting (nolock)

on mastersetting.setting_id = setting.setting_id

and setting.setting_name = ‘LTD Name’

inner join dbo.tblCLTDTest test (nolock)

on mastersetting.CLTD_ID = test.CLTD_ID

where test.use_arup_test_data <> ‘0’


Political Link of the Day: “Big 3 Bailout: The Ultimate in Lemon Socialism…

How all the thievery at BYU began…


“Where’s the bucket?” ~Shanny

It was the good ol’ days: freshman year at BYU, and Shanny, and I (along with our four other roommates) were preparing for another cleaning inspection when low and behold, NO BUCKET! Who purloins a cleaning bucket? This FORCED us to filch a bucket from one of the men’s dorms across the street and probably started a chain reaction of pillaging and plundering of buckets throughout the dorms. AT BYU! *gasp*