Bethy the Third

Episode 24: Good-bye Chocolate

Of course we think that OUR jokes are funny in IT.

We choose NOT to ask the general public whether or not they agree.

But, I am brave; I am going to post right here, on the public, world WIDE web, one of our jokes.

Yesterday, Freddy left his computer unlocked and went to his meeting.


Before long, MZ found his PC in such a vulnerable state and quickly clicked on his Outlook. It took seconds before the entire group received an email… from Freddie:

Subject: Come say godd [sic] bye

I decided to quit! Sick of working with you, people! Good bye chocolate at my desk…

Coworkers came running. Either to apologize and beg Freddy not to leave. Or because they wanted chocolate before it was all gone.

They found NO chocolate and NO Freddy. And even MZ had already snuck back to her desk undetected (except by me) and muffling her giggles.

With Freddy in a meeting and no chocolate at his desk, coworkers quickly worked to remedy the situation. Before long, the following items were strewn across his keyboard:

  1. A nearly empty package of double-stuff Oreos
  2. Six tootsie rolls (the really little ones)
  3. One dark-chocolate Hershey’s bar, broken in several places
  4. A dark chocolate candy bar from some foreign country
  5. Two Hershey’s Nuggets Truffles
  6. And one tin of milk chocolate Slim-Fast powdered drink mix.

Upon Freddy’s return, he wondered aloud: “Is it Halloween already?”

Bethy the Third then asked him if perhaps he was depressed (being the reason that he had decided to quit) and Freddy quickly replied, “I’ve never been depressed so if I was, I wouldn’t know.”

With that statement, the as-depressed-as-the-average-working-adult coworkers ran to Freddy’s desk and took all of the chocolate to consume for themselves and try to lift their own dreary spirits.

Good thing Freddy doesn’t like chocolate.

Political Link of the Day (I laughed): “…Imagine the Democratic nominee’s day as Barack Palin Obama

Episode 23: I know the Law of Averages is True; I Won! Again!

Last week, I told the ENTIRE internet that by the Law of Averages, I was about due to win another prize from one of the myriad company prize drawings at work. I published this statement on my blog around lunch on Friday. And I felt good about it.

So I work in a company of around 2,300 employees. So I suppose you could say that for every prize drawing, my change of winning could be around 1 in 2,300. It’s not like the chances improve with each drawing I don’t win. At least, not according to statistics, right? And what really IS the Law of Averages? Just because it was mentioned on Grey’s Anatomy last week, doesn’t necessarily mean that it applies to my prize winning chances at work. All that means is that it was in my brain because I had heard mention of it on TV the night before.

But haven’t you realized yet, that things mentioned on TV shows the night before always apply to your life the next day?

So if you think some character says a significant line while you’re watching a show, write it down and tomorrow, watch it apply. (That’s a strange sort of fortune you just told the internet there, Larrie. I know… just don’t write down things that politicians say. Okay.)

Back to my story about prize drawings:

So last Friday at exactly 4:30 PM, I’m talking to Bethy the Third in my cube when the email notification pops up: “National Customer Service Week prize drawing.” I then thought, “I wonder who won.” They usually send email to the entire company listing who wins these things.

WELL… this email did NOT go to the entire company. It only went to NINE people. Obviously, I was one of their nine and the email said this:

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WON A GIFT BASKET! Please come to the Client service department (Building 3 Flr 2) to collect it. Please find [person], [person], or [person].

See? I told you I was ready to win again.

Bethy the Third, who was sitting in my cube as I read the congratulatory email, scowled at me a bit and reminded me that she has NEVER won.

What a pity shame. But, I think that means she’s due for one of the really big prizes. As for me, my gift basket included a too-large t-shirt, company-branded mugs, candy, and other company-branded goodies like a cheap mouse pad and a squishy key.

Episode 20: The Doughnut Race

Every now and then, the geeks I work with in IT decide to show off their athletic prowess. A few years ago, we had the S2K Hare & Tortoise Sprint Challenge (sponsored by the Hungarian Triathalon Union). We also take part in corporate games each year and try not to embarrass ourselves playing basketball, soccer, ultimate Frisbee, golf and poker.

Today, we held the Spontaneous Doughnut Race sponsored by our new Madame Secretary. Here’s how the event went down…

The Mighty IT Director had ONE box of donuts (I spell that word differently than Madame Secretary). He wanted to give Madame Secretary the opportunity to witness the speed and prowess of his department so he set the box on her desk and had her send an email to the department of 124 IT geeks:

Good Morning Everyone!
There are doughnuts up by my desk if anyone wants them.
Madame Secretary

As soon as she hit ‘Send’ the race was ON!

Runners were sitting at their desks busily typing away at emails, queries, code, or surfing the internet when the little email message pops up in the corner of their screen – Subject: Doughnuts.

On your marks, get set…

There were false starts all around the cube farm.

”Donuts!” I yelled over the cube wall to Bethy the Third while jumping from my chair. As we rapidly exited our cubes, we saw McJosh speed walking up the row behind us. He started pushing, I started running, we swung around the corner, taking the turn wide in my heels, only to see several programmers throwing their chests out as they crossed the finish line first and opened the lid of the donut box.

My only chance was to run to the box from inside of Madame Secretary’s cube, instead of waiting in line in front of her cube. “Ladies first,” I declared.

”Oh, okay,” replied the kind, Asian programmer as he took the first donut. I grabbed the chocolate sprinkles triumphantly while others went for the plain ol’ glazed.

And the race had ended. The box was gone and in a mere 30 seconds, the winners returned to their cubes to await their sugar high.

As I walked away, the Mighty IT Director stood, leaning against a cubicle wall across from Madame Secretary’s desk, laughing.

Upon returning to my desk, another email:

All the doughnuts are gone. You guys are fast!
Madame Secretary

In the distance, the DBAs could be heard crying over an empty donut box.

Episode 12: I work in IT – we have conversations via IM, not in person

I work in IT. Therefore, I have IM conversations throughout the day with developers a few rows over, coworkers sitting next to me and a few folks in the labs who help me remember how things work in the part of our company that MAKES money. (We just spend money in IT, right?)

Every now and then, one of those conversations turns humorous. What do you expect when I’m involved, right? And then you add another funny Sparky contact and it’s dynamite… or at least good for a few laughs. (Sparky refers to our internal IM client, Spark.)

Here’s one from the other day… Larrie being me (duh) and Bethy the Third being my Sparky contact.

(1:29 PM) Bethy the Third: i am frustrated today if you can’t tell.

(1:30 PM) Larrie: how come you’re frustrated?

(1:30 PM) Bethy the Third: i don’t know

(1:30 PM) Larrie: well that doesn’t help resolve anything… perhaps we should take a break, I’ll hypnotize you and we’ll get to the bottom of this

(1:32 PM) Bethy the Third: i don’t think so. you are just trying to get me to agree to let you make me into a monkey who picks her nose and scratches her bum in front of everyone

(1:32 PM) Larrie: good idea… let’s get one of the joshes to be our first victim

(1:35 PM) Bethy the Third: one – i think it should be both!

(1:36 PM) Larrie: don’t overestimate my hypnotizing skills… I can’t promise the world (by entrancing both)… or maybe I could with my incredible good looks

(1:37 PM) Bethy the Third: well, we both know you can’t with mcjosh. your chest isn’t big enough

(1:37 PM) Bethy the Third: i don’t even think mine is

(1:37 PM) Larrie: I’ll pick up a box of tissues

(1:38 PM) Bethy the Third: well, he doesn’t care if they are real or fake, so that would work

(1:39 PM) Larrie: I better pick up a few boxe

(1:39 PM) Larrie: s

(1:40 PM) Bethy the Third: okay, now i’m ready for a nap

(1:40 PM) Larrie: I’m finally waking up a wee bit

(1:40 PM) Larrie: ha… I passed my sweepiness on to you

(1:41 PM) Bethy the Third: it must be the titillating conversation we are having

(1:41 PM) Bethy the Third: that is causing you to wake up

(1:41 PM) Bethy the Third: not for me to be sleepy. that’s just because i am sick of looking at [work] today

(1:42 PM) Larrie: you just used titillating in sparky… nice

(1:42 PM) Bethy the Third: i thought so

(1:43 PM) Bethy the Third: i just looked it up

(1:46 PM) Larrie: you looked it up, eh? nice… and are we still having a tickling conversation?

(1:47 PM) Bethy the Third: well, i am always curious about words i use all the time that i have just assumed what the meaning was. so if i’m near a dictionary and think about it, i will look it up. i’m a nerd that way

(1:48 PM) Larrie: you should make a list of 100 ways you are a nerd

(1:49 PM) Bethy the Third: i haven’t even finished the other list

(1:49 PM) Bethy the Third: i think you should do it too and we will compare it when we are finished

(1:49 PM) Bethy the Third: i probably won’t get to it until [vacation], but i will do it

(1:50 PM) Larrie: the nerd list?

(1:50 PM) Bethy the Third: yeah

(1:50 PM) Larrie: k, I’ll try… 100 is mighty long, but I’m sure I’ve got plenty to choose from

(1:51 PM) Bethy the Third: oh, so you think i can come up with 100 ways? hehehe

(1:51 PM) Bethy the Third: maybe we should just do 50 each

(1:51 PM) Larrie: go big or go home missy

(1:52 PM) Bethy the Third: ok, fine, but you have to make a list of 100 too

(1:53 PM) Bethy the Third: i was looking out for your best interest since i have all the time in the world next week

(1:53 PM) Larrie: you’re so kind hearted

(1:53 PM) Bethy the Third: i know. what can i say?

(1:53 PM) Larrie: I’ll work on my list on TRAX

(1:54 PM) Bethy the Third: sweet

(1:54 PM) Larrie: or maybe right now… in the middle stall

(2:12 PM) Bethy the Third: did you get anywhere on your list and did you add the fact that you wanted to start your list in the middle stall to your nerd list?

(2:12 PM) Larrie: haha… I wrote five… now I’ve got six, thanks

(2:14 PM) Bethy the Third: np glad i could help