First off, let me say that I hope you will forgive me. I didn’t really think that raising a child would be a walk in Liberty Park, but I didn’t realize that it would be this hard. I hope that you will forgive me for being tired and losing patience, for not knowing whether I should let you cry at night, for how hard it was to nurse at first, for that time I didn’t catch your hand before you put it down in your own poop while I changed your diaper, for feeding you rice cereal when you probably wanted cake instead, for having to take you to get shots, for sucking all of the boogers out of your nose with the snotsucker, for owning something called a snotsucker, and for that Sunday morning when I needed to put you down to finish getting ready for church so I turned on the TV and had a 7-week old watch Music and the Spoken Word. I’m sure the list could go on, but that is what I thought of in two minutes.
You are a pretty incredible little man already. Every day, I am amazed at something you do. Today, it was how calmly you stared out the window as we drove to my friend, Alison’s. It had been a long day, I was later to pick you up from daycare than usual, and you were probably getting tired. But you looked content just staring out the window as we drove farther than usual.
Recently, you found how much fun it is to stick your tongue out. When I come in to get you out of your crib in the mornings, you are sticking out your tongue, you stick it out during diaper changes, when I am feeding you, at Pogi, and the best: when I am using that awesome snotsucker.
All of the teachers at daycare tell me in their cute accents how happy you are and always smiling and giggling. You are already very sociable. You smile at all of the ladies at church. You laugh at kids. You love your family and recognize them already. My favorite is how much you laugh for your cousins.
You also laugh all of the time at Pogi. And Pogi seems to enjoy it. When we get home in the evenings, we will sit on the carpet and play fetch with Pogi. You laugh. In the mornings, we call Pogi up onto the ottoman after you nurse to pet him. You laugh. When we hang out together on the weekends, Pogi is always nearby. He often comes up to greet BOTH of us, not just me, the adult. I hold your hand out for you and Pogi rubs up against it purring. This makes you smile, one of your wide, gummy smiles, drool cascading down your onesie. Pogi can’t wait until you can yank on his tail all of the time, I’m sure of it.
This week, you have been sick and it makes me feel sad, but you do not act particularly sad. You had a fever last week and now you have a barky cough. I hear you coughing during the night. Your nose is so stuffy or runny that it makes it hard to nurse at times. I know it bothers you and you get fussy, but if I hold you up and make a goofy nose with my mouth, you almost instantly smile back at me. This is when you smile cry. You want to be happy, I can tell, but you don’t feel well. Your dad blessed you to be of good cheer in your baby blessing and every day I see that is true. I am so happy for that just as I told your Aunts Natalie, Annabel and Bethany one day when you were only weeks old. My biggest want for you is for you to be happy.
We shared a lot of smiles and laughs today on your 6th-month birthday. It was a fun morning of getting ready, petting Pogi, chatting on the way to daycare, visiting friends after daycare, getting your 6-month gift (a jumperoo! thanks Alison), eating oatmeal for dinner, standing in the bathroom for a steam shower, taking a bath in the kitchen sink, getting fussy while I gave you some Tylenol, immediately stopping that fussing when I opened your bedtime book, banging the pages while reading about sheep and “the whole wide world is going to sleep”, then nursing and rocking you to sleep.
Sleep well, little man and here’s to another 6 months of me figuring out what I am doing and you happily, cheerily going along with me. Love you!