Episode 76: Bathrooms at Work

It was Tuesday afternoon and I’d been drinking water all day, time for my bathroom break. I was also hungry and needed my afternoon snack so I grabbed an oatmeal packet and walked down the hall. Obviously, I didn’t want to take my oatmeal into the bathroom with me. Gross.

I stopped in the breakroom first, opened the packet and dumped the contents into a Styrofoam cup. I figured I was safer leaving that on the table while I used the bathroom than leaving the unopened packet. You never know what people will just assume they can take/eat around here. You could make brownies with laxatives, leave them on the breakroom table and they’d be gone in about 10 minutes and 26 seconds.

I walked a good two feet from the breakroom to the women’s bathroom and went inside.

Yuck, smells like bathroom. It’s always cold in here, a bit dark, and the circulation is no good. Bad circulation in a bathroom is worse than reheated fish in the breakroom.

There are 3 stalls in the main-floor-women’s bathroom of the building we are now in and one of them is the handi stall. I don’t usually use that in case we suddenly have a handi person visit. Currently, there are no handis employed here. Not a particularly diverse workplace I suppose. We seem to focus on diversifying through countries of origin instead.

Back to the bathroom. When I walked in, the handi stall was already occupied. So I step into the middle stall, which by default, is where my feet usually take me in any bathroom.

Gross. The water is to the top of the bowl and it’s all yellow and filled with toilet paper.

I reversed.

Into the first stall now where I find the water is barely there, but what is there is yellow and there’s also toilet paper in this bowl. This is like a bad episode of Goldilocks where the 3 bears use too much toilet paper, forget to flush, or are still there. What do I do when none of the toilets are just right?!

I decide to be an adult about the situation and try flushing the first toilet.

That was dangerous. The water levels rose quickly and I imagined having to try and clean up an overflowing toilet at work. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Thankfully, it stopped within inches from the top and I reversed again.

Should I flush the middle toilet to see if I can use that one?

I decided not to take the chance.

So I skipped my pee break and went instead to make and eat my oatmeal.

Ten minutes later, I really had to pee.

So I went downstairs, and walked into THAT women’s bathroom only to find that… it smelled like Christmas!

Seriously. They must use cinnamon fragrance. What a delight.

All of the toilets were nicely flushed, the light was pleasant with the calming buzz of fluorescents, and none of the 3 bears were occupying any of the stalls.

It was like workplace bathroom bliss.

And the faucets even had hot water.

I really enjoyed my bathroom break in there.

Ah.

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