Episode 72: Employee Badges—Better Looking than Drivers License Pictures

Did you see 30 Rock last week? If you did, you saw Liz Lemon’s ugly employee badge picture. She was apparently holding in a “snart.” And it made her look rather hideous.

Who here actually has a decent looking employee badge picture, though? “Snart” or no.

When I first started at my company, I went to new employee orientation for the first two days, getting our pictures taken for our badges on the 2nd day. We were well warned to “look good” on that day. But do you know what time they ask you to be there for orientation? 8:00 a.m. So early. So on day two, Larrie woke up to get ready for work and decided she’d rather sleep. So I didn’t wash my hair that day. And when you have bangs and don’t wash them every day, turns out, they can get greasy.

And it was recorded on my employee badge picture, which also displayed in the employee directory, for the next several years. Larrie—the greasy IT secretary. Wow.

Maybe it helped me fit in with the rest of the IT kids a little better.

After a few years, I was starting my fourth position and my new boss came over to my cube: “Go down to security to get a new badge.”

Cool. A new picture, too. Oh man, I hadn’t done my hair today. Sigh.

Well guess what else? Whoever had set up the camera to take the new pictures had it placed in such a way that it made your nose HUGE. It seriously distorted faces, narrowing the cheek and forehead and basically blowing up the nose. Goo.

Larrie turned into the big-nosed, flat haired software tester.

Listen to me, companies of the world: Do you really have to have a crappy camera to take the pictures for employee badges?

Guess what company decided to change that? Turns out, the O.C. Tanner Company decided to invest a little bit more money in making their employee badge pictures actually look nice, even artistic. I am not lying. I heard from a very reliable source. Well, I don’t work for that company so I still have a big nose, but only at work. When I get home, it’s just a normal size. Otherwise, my husband might not like getting around a big nose for a kiss.

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