Episode 65: Cougars Make for a Dangerous Work Environment

Technically, I’m a Cougar… and an Aggie… working for the Utes. This is because my undergraduate is from BYU, my masters from Utah State and my current employer has ties to the University of Utah. I’m so well balanced.

Well, here at work, people don’t much like Cougars. They don’t like them when BYU and Utah play each other and turns out, they don’t like them wandering around the parking lot either.

Now, we’re talking about the actual animal: a.k.a. Mountain Lions.

Our security guys sent an email to the entire company a few weeks back—a message to over 2,000 people that was very important: WATCH OUT FOR COUGARS.

Apparently, a wild cat was spotted just up the street. We’re situated pretty close to the mountains so that’s not really a surprise. Maren saw a cougar out on one of her walks last year. Since we didn’t get an email after that incident, it’s pretty clear that she NEGLECTED TO REPORT THE ENCOUNTER TO SECURITY.

Good thing no people or animals were injured.

Another email went out last week. A really important one to the ENTIRE company again. It started with the carefully thought out phrase: “In case the ‘rumor mill’ has been spinning in your neck of the woods…” A bit heavy on the use of colloquialisms, but I’m probably the only one noticing.

The email continued on to report ANIMAL TRACKS behind one of our buildings.

This got me to wondering about the employee that reported these tracks.

First, what were they doing wandering around the back of the building? Were they on break? For some reason, I will always relate the “back of the building” to mean “out by the dumpster.” That’s where Sam kissed Krista in fourth grade and all we wanted to know is, when he grabbed her butt, was it firm or flabby? Hahahaha, fourth grade humor is the BEST! Firm or Flabby?!

Okay, so back to the employee on break. Why were they examining animal tracks in the mud? (I’m making an assumption that it was mud because what else would they leave tracks in? wet cement?)

And then, to top it off, this employee returned from break and was so concerned about the cougar tracks (they were sure of the animal), they notified security. And what did security do? Respond of course.

From the important email: “I had two of our officers take a close look. One of these officers is an accomplished hunting guide here in Utah. The tracks in question are those of a dog, (probably the black lab seen in the area last night.)”*

I’m so glad that our security officers include an accomplished hunting guide. They don’t get guns, but they sure can tell the difference between dog tracks and cougar tracks, which is TOUGH.

Also, they knew there was a black lab seen in the area recently? Did somebody report THAT too?

Clearly, I need to start reporting animal sightings at work. They’re important.

*I don’t know if you were bugged, but the punctuation use was painfully wrong and it bugged me.

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