How to Survive College

My sense of humor has changed as I’ve grown older. I suppose you can chalk it up to maturity, if you believe that I’ve grown more mature. The following journal entry, I thought was hilarious when I wrote it, as a freshman surviving BYU and living in an apartment with 6 girls and ONE BATHROOM. Also, remember that we were living in Provo and attending a no-drinking, no partying type of school where fraternities and sororities did not exist. Not exactly your typical college experience.

December 9, 1999

How to survive as a freshman college woman:

  • Have pimple popping parties
  • Don’t give up when the first five pizza places are closed
  • Study through osmosis
  • Keep a steady flow of Martinelli’s on hand
  • Read the text in line for the test
  • Hold ice cream pow wows with extra chocolate and caramel sauce
  • Email your roommates before you use the bathroom so they’ll know*
  • Create yourself a superhero alias**
  • Feed the ducks
  • Run up and down the bell tower stairs at night
  • Write backwards on the outside of neighbors’ windows with a white board marker***
  • Make sure everyone understands that a giraffe says ‘rawr’
  • Change your voicemail message weekly
  • Make documentaries of yourself (preferably dancing like water)
  • Visit Taco Bell with frequency after the guys have been kicked out
  • Spy on boys; get spied on by boys****

*Do you realize it was 1999? We thought it was cool that you could rent a computer from the school for a semester and have it in your bedroom. Sweet!

**Example aliases: Teqwita, Goddess of the Trees; Matrimonial Blizzard; Snow Princess

***This also required sitting on your roommate’s shoulders to reach the window

****I don’t even remember this, but it’s in my journal so it obviously happened

3 thoughts on “How to Survive College

  1. I rented a 486!! It totally blew. Sure it ran AIM, IE and Word, but it sucked. The CRT monitor was huge and took up the whole desk.


  2. @kaakun – we ran AIM on ours, too, and of course Word and IE, plus we downloaded Napster and went nuts… the sad part though, is no CD burner so all those hours and hours of downloads, gone. weep

    @emily – sounds like giraffes and vacuums are related in your world


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