Episode 56: How to Survive Lunch With Your Coworkers

Every day at work, I think about how I really ought to bring in a lunch to save money and to eat food that I actually like (because I really don’t like the food they make at our grill here onsite).

And then I go home from work that day.

And guess what I do?

I don’t put anything together for a lunch the next day.

Sometimes I briefly think, oh, I’ll just get something together in the morning before work.

COME ON, LARRIE. You NEVER give yourself more than 10 minutes to get ready.

Like you’ll get up early enough to make lunch, too.

It never happens.

Today, I brought my lunch to work because I had leftovers from the AMAZING dinner I had at Porcupine Grill with Maren last night. Their Chicken Noodle Soup = HEAVEN (or at LEAST terrestrial glory).

I ate lunch at my desk today, but there are many days when I’d prefer the break and to talk about things not related to work. Because of that, I’ve come up with a list to help you, internet, with how to eat lunch with your coworkers.

  1. Round Up Coworkers. The first step, of course, is to have people you can actually go with. This may actually be hard for some of you because you either are not the type of person that others particularly want to eat lunch with* or you sit at your desk mumbling and grumbling about how people don’t ask you to go to lunch with them. Guess what? You can ask THEM. (Gasp.) So get out of your seat, walk down your row and ask somebody (probably somebody that you like) if they’d like to go to lunch. Round up multiple people if you’d like. Now, go to lunch.
  2. Avoid Hot Topics. The store and the conversations. They don’t have lunch options at the store. It’s probably better in mixed company to avoid deep discussions on politics, religion, or relationships at lunch. You never know who you might offend if you start talking about your major crush on some certain cute boy and the other person would rather talk about her crush on a girl. Just a thought.
  3. Don’t Bring Egg Salad. Well, to be honest, I LOVE egg salad. And I don’t usually smell it when people eat that at the table. What you REALLY shouldn’t bring is FISH. And DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, EVEN IF IT WOULD SOMEHOW SAVE THE WORLD FROM NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST, HEAT IT UP IN THE MICROWAVE. You deserve severe punishment in the life after this if you do that. SEVERE.
  4. Remember Your Manners. It really shouldn’t be that hard, but some people maybe just never learned that looking like cookie monster while you consume your food is NOT appropriate. There were TWO reasons why you could see all of cookie monster’s food while he ate it. One: he had no lips. Two: he’s a puppet. This means he had no throat for the food to go down. Chew with your lips closed and don’t talk with your mouth full. Do I sound like your mother yet?
  5. Don’t Belch. Do I really need to expound on this? I can’t believe I even had to type this, but I do. And I bet Janet can think of who I work with that does this repeatedly throughout the day. Yes, he is a grown man.
  6. Be Interesting. Don’t talk about work. It’s a break. Share interesting stories instead. If you don’t have a good story to share, then ask other people questions. There are some really interesting people sitting around you that do lots of things outside of the office. Do you know what they are?**

Great work people. Now go forth and eat with your cube mates.


*Perhaps you are incredibly left- or right-winged and refuse to let people share their own opinions, but you want everyone to hear about yours every lunch. Perhaps you are self-centered and eventually people want to go to lunch with somebody who is interested in how their weekend went, not just every intricate detail of yours. Or perhaps you’re a dud who just sits there and doesn’t participate. A good lunch group is a give-give relationship. You give me your Hi-C, I’ll give you my Capri Sun. Yum.

**You might NOT want to ask, though, if the outside hobbies they have are things like playing Magic or having all-night Dungeons and Dragons parties. Remember this pointer used the word, “interesting”? That’s a KEY component, people.

Advertisements

6 comments

  1. My office is directly across from the break room. I am appalled, horrified and nauseated everytime someone heats fish up in the microwave, so I can not agree with you more..(and I actually like fish)..but come on!

    Like

  2. Aw, c’mon, Larrie! Some of the most interesting people you’ve ever met have done the all-night D&D thing on a semi-regular basis. Centennial II wouldn’t have been anywhere near as interesting if we weren’t mostly sleep-deprived.

    Like

  3. @kaakun – hahahahahahaha, you’re probably right

    @tiff – I hope those fish microwaving people get what they deserved some day. Truly.

    @zedd – I may like you and your roommies but I have no problem making fun of you for your D&D sessions… no problem at all 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s