Episode 53: Larrie’s New Workplace Diet

Okay so swimsuit season is officially over with the passing of Labor Day and the closing of pools around the valley. One pool they didn’t have to close though was my pool. Why? Because the city condemned my pool therefore, it never opened. Thank you health department for pointing out all of our tripping hazards, the ladder that’s not attached to the pool, and the ducks living in the deep end.

With the end of swimsuit season, it’s also time to stop swimsuit dieting. Hooray!

I came into work yesterday morning with this realization. So now the swimsuit diet is replaced with the Halloween costume diet.

I LOVE THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME DIET!

It required me to go to the store the other night and I purchased things like precooked bacon, shredded mild cheddar cheese, pomegranate and a bag of fun-size Snickers. I left the bacon and cheese in my fridge at home (after making a delicious grilled cheese that also included a little mustard and a pinch of paprika), but I brought the pomegranate to work along with the Snickers of course.

Here’s how a typical day of the new Halloween Costume Diet went yesterday:

  1. Eat two Snickers fun-size candy bars in the car on the way to work.
  2. Drink the G2 at your desk.
  3. Have another Snickers for a snack.
  4. Eat/drink lunch: SlimFast, peach, pear and an apple.
  5. Eat two more Snickers as a dessert.
  6. Eat four or five Hershey Kisses filled with caramel for a snack.
  7. Eat two Reeses’ PB Cups at the developer’s desk while pointing out bugs in the application.
  8. Spend 15 minutes looking online for HOW to eat a pomegranate, then spend 20 minutes soaking it in water and 26 minutes getting all the little seeds into a bowl; eat three or four of those precious little seeds and realize that they don’t taste as good as Snickers.
  9. Grab one more Snickers to eat as you walk out to your car.
  10. Get home and eat some sugar cookie dough from the freezer.
  11. Pour a large bowl of Trix and eat it with healthy, skim milk.
  12. For dessert, get frozen custard with brownie bits mixed in from Nielsen’s Frozen Custard.

The end.

Good diet.

Thank you.

I’m off to a great start so far and I feel just great! Superb, really, while sitting here in my office chair, burning away the calories I’ve eaten so far (which include more Snickers and two hostess cupcakes).

I think I’ll eat a Hershey’s Kiss with caramel in the middle.

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