I logged in to our time clock application this morning: Double click to open the kiosk, enter employee number, enter last four digits of social security number (oooo, how secure). Ah, there you are. Let’s check and see when I’ve been arriving at work. Yep, lookin’ good (for me):
Let’s check and see how much paid time off I have accrued. OH BEAUTIFUL VACATION HOW SWEET IT IS: 89:10 hours just waiting for me to sign up for on the calendar. I need to come up with a way to trick my boss into letting me use those. Last year, it was, “Hey, I’m going to Portland, where you used to live and I need some suggestions on where to go… oh yeah? Multnomah falls? Sounds good. Oh, yeah, and will you approve my vacation, please? It’s in four days and I already bought the flights. Thank you.” Yep, I got the vacation.
Okay, back to the time clock application.
Let’s check and see how much long-term sick I have accrued: HOLY FRAGRANT B.M., BATMAN, THAT’S A LOT OF SICK TIME: 264:53. So if I want to use that I have to do one of three things: really get injured so I have a doctor’s note about why I’m staying home or in the hospital for 33 days; find a doctor friend who will write me a note and a really good reason like, “Her imaginary therapist (whom she fired) says she needs a mental break for 33 days or she’ll go seriously insane”; or, have a baby.
Looks like I won’t be using that sick time for a long time, but that brings me to my next topic: having a baby.
I was talking to Stacky last week.
“Hey, you look pregnant.”
She’s due at the end of July and I’ve known since almost the start. See how funny I am saying things like that? We laughed so hard.
No. We didn’t. Stacky just looked at me and said, “So, I look fat?”
I quickly changed the subject to something much less awkward.
“So. You’re going to be breastfeeding before too long now.”
Yeah, I’m pretty smooth. And somehow, instead of giving me an odd look, she started talking about some of the things that she’s purchased already, some of which are related to breastfeeding, but let’s not really go into details here. And then I found out about our company’s HUGE SECRET.
Did you know that companies have corporate lactation programs?
Yeah, you read that right: a lactation program.
Somebody in HR was sitting around one day thinking, “Hmm, wonder what kind of a benefit program I could come up with today because I don’t have anything else to do this moment.” She looked over at a picture of her little baby and thought about how right this moment, she’d really LOVE to have a private place to pump some milk.
Yep. That’s how it went down and the next day, the lactation room was created.
So now I have a new mission at work and it has nothing to do with testing web applications. Somewhere there is a locked door and behind it, is a serene room with soothing music, comfortable chairs and, if I was the designer, a couple of hammocks.
We have a lactation room somewhere.
They give out keys to this secret room.
It’s a benefit I had no idea existed.
Did I mention that there is a SECRET lactation room somewhere?
I’m going to go for a walk now. There’s a door down the hall that I haven’t checked behind yet.