Blame it on the Toe

DOC: Come on in.

LRE: Gee, thanks, mister.

DOC: Sure, let’s get started. I have a quiz for you.

LRE: Oh… do I have to use a number two pencil to take it?

DOC: No. I don’t own a scantron-reader thingamajig.

LRE: Right and you wouldn’t want to actually figure out what it means that I answered C for question 7, but D for question 12.

DOC: Course not. I wouldn’t get paid for THAT effort. Instead, I’ll just ask you the questions.

LRE: Fun.

DOC: No. This is SERIOUS business here.

LRE: Oh, all right. Let me just put on my serious face. … Ready.

DOC: First question: How often do you have weeping spells?

LRE: Did you just say weeping spells? Really?

DOC: That’s not a very serious serious face.

LRE: Well YOU’RE the one who just said weeping spells.

DOC: Whatever. Just answer the question.

LRE: Fine. I ONLY have weeping spells when somebody steps on the third toe on my right foot or when I watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

DOC: Okay… I’ll write down: occasionally.

LRE: That’s not what I said.

DOC: Next… Do you feel frightened or panicky much?

LRE: Well, I get all panicky, sweaty and heart-beat-fastery when I check the money in my retirement accounts.

DOC: You do? And you have retirement accounts?

LRE: No, not really and yes, yes I do.

DOC: What about living all by yourself? That doesn’t frighten you?

LRE: Not even. I heart it.

DOC: All right. I’ll put down ‘No, not at all.’ And next… Do you still enjoy the things that you used to?

LRE: The things that I used to do…

DOC: You can’t answer seriously by singing.

LRE: I never do them no more, baby.

DOC: Why not?

LRE: Sorry… still singing. Well, I used to could enjoy soccer more because my toe didn’t hurt. And I used to enjoy work more. Oh wait, no, scratch that. If I tell you that I MIGHT enjoy work, you will think I’m crazy.

DOC: Fine. You don’t enjoy soccer as much…

LRE: BECAUSE OF MY TOE.

DOC: And I apparently didn’t hear anything about work.

LRE: Right.

DOC: Well, the rest of these questions are boring so I say we’re done here.

LRE: Oh good. My toe was starting to hurt.

DOC: Maybe you should get that fixed.

LRE: You THINK?


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