DOC: Come on in.
LRE: Gee, thanks, mister.
DOC: Sure, let’s get started. I have a quiz for you.
LRE: Oh… do I have to use a number two pencil to take it?
DOC: No. I don’t own a scantron-reader thingamajig.
LRE: Right and you wouldn’t want to actually figure out what it means that I answered C for question 7, but D for question 12.
DOC: Course not. I wouldn’t get paid for THAT effort. Instead, I’ll just ask you the questions.
DOC: No. This is SERIOUS business here.
LRE: Oh, all right. Let me just put on my serious face. … Ready.
DOC: First question: How often do you have weeping spells?
LRE: Did you just say weeping spells? Really?
DOC: That’s not a very serious serious face.
LRE: Well YOU’RE the one who just said weeping spells.
DOC: Whatever. Just answer the question.
LRE: Fine. I ONLY have weeping spells when somebody steps on the third toe on my right foot or when I watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
DOC: Okay… I’ll write down: occasionally.
LRE: That’s not what I said.
DOC: Next… Do you feel frightened or panicky much?
LRE: Well, I get all panicky, sweaty and heart-beat-fastery when I check the money in my retirement accounts.
DOC: You do? And you have retirement accounts?
LRE: No, not really and yes, yes I do.
DOC: What about living all by yourself? That doesn’t frighten you?
LRE: Not even. I heart it.
DOC: All right. I’ll put down ‘No, not at all.’ And next… Do you still enjoy the things that you used to?
LRE: The things that I used to do…
DOC: You can’t answer seriously by singing.
LRE: I never do them no more, baby.
DOC: Why not?
LRE: Sorry… still singing. Well, I used to could enjoy soccer more because my toe didn’t hurt. And I used to enjoy work more. Oh wait, no, scratch that. If I tell you that I MIGHT enjoy work, you will think I’m crazy.
DOC: Fine. You don’t enjoy soccer as much…
LRE: BECAUSE OF MY TOE.
DOC: And I apparently didn’t hear anything about work.
DOC: Well, the rest of these questions are boring so I say we’re done here.
LRE: Oh good. My toe was starting to hurt.
DOC: Maybe you should get that fixed.
LRE: You THINK?
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