Episode 25: We’re Going to Buy Him Cocaine

We have a mammoth software implementation looming in the near global-cooling future. It’s possible this implementation will cause the extinction of half of my coworkers. It is mammoth, after all. We talked about it at length in our meeting today. The conversation wouldn’t have been so lengthy, though, without all the asides. (I’m not sure where the audience is that they were talking to, though… perhaps hiding under the executive conference room table.)

The conversation got rolling when our Super Visor (intentionally written as two words) discussed the lack of sleep awaiting our DBA during the implementation. I suggested buying him many bottles/cans of energy drinks. She simply responded, “We’re going to buy him cocaine.”

Perhaps I can find a doctor who will prescribe him some Provigil. Legal crack is much better. He’ll just have to use the bathroom over and over again.*

The discussion really just went downhill from here in regards to the amount of work versus the amount of sleep we will be getting after Christmas.

“Next day, you’re going to have to be here oh-dark-thirty.” This time apparently means around 2:00 a.m. And for me, as soon as I can get my implementation pieces in their correct jigsaw-puzzle locations, I can go home and sleep before coming back for the 6pm-1am shift. Yippee! (Janet: congrats on getting out before this madness.)

We then discussed Murphy’s Law and how it relates to clothing: “If you bring a change of clothes, you won’t need them… Murphy’s Law.” Good thing we have showers in our Wellness Center.

I’m really looking forward to celebrating the New Year with excessive hours logged at work. Really. Especially with the upbeat attitude of my cube pals: “Are you really missing [New Years] if you’re here partying anyway?”

And the final parting at the end of our upbeat meeting came from our Super Visor: “If you’re not worried, you don’t get it.”

Let the countdown to the excitement begin: 50 days left… starting NOW.

Political Link of the Day: “Chris Matthews being Patriotic” (He said it’s his “job to help this country… because this country needs a successful presidency.” So what was he doing for the past 8 years?)

*I thought about saying here, “he’ll just have to use the bathroom more often than whatever animal is the camel’s antithesis.” Would that have made sense to my average joe the plumber readers?


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