Three years, four months and 11 days ago, I started working at my current company as a prodigious, exceptional secretary. (And you thought we didn’t use that term as a job title anymore.) It was then that I had to depend on Diet Coke breaks with Janet to get my scoop on what was going on in the mighty IT groups for whom I was only doing their filing. She hinted at all of the humorous, bordering-on-reporting-to-HR activities in her group. One of these activities happened to be simply updating a word document with sayings from one particular team member. They called them Fredisms.
I am now in the Fredism group; nice (four positions in three years is how Larrie climbs the corporate ladder). And even though Janet has left me to take Diet Coke breaks on my own, the word document continues to get updated. After our meeting today, one more Fredism was added to the list:
“If you’re unscrewed, good for you.”
Wouldn’t you like a taste of a few more Fredisms? Here are some highlights from that cherished document—enjoy:
- I remembered to forget.
- Maybe Yes. Maybe Know.
- If a tree falls in the forest and you’re not there, will it fall on you?
- If you don’t drink, the memory of knowing things sucks.
- The ball is now in her arena.
- He is a giant Midget.
- We want to be as professional as possible. In our head, we have things.
- MaWoman (referring to a hermaphrodite)
- It used to could. It’s no longer coulding.
- You say but why?
- Me and God talk all the time.
- You should listen to me; I am like a God.
- I am attending your school of lazy.
- The difference is the same.