You said what in your Facebook status?

For a good amount of my Facebook life, I refused to post a status. Obviously, I got over that because I now try and convince all of my FB best friends to stop by this bloody awesome blog by updating my status. I have no shame now; I just want to see lots of page hits and comments.

I still think what my FB pals write as their statuses are often absurd, strange, almost funny, or even paranoid. Below is a nice little list for you of ACTUAL statuses that my ‘friends’ have posted. Yes, I am either making fun of these or consider them to be almost funny; if you’re on the list, deal with it.

Besides, you’re on the list for a reason. Apparently, you think people REALLY care about your illogical, political views. Sometimes, you think that your FB pals are wondering about your abilities to succeed in life. You are probably sitting around at work trying to come up with the perfect status that is short and odd. You haven’t learned how to spell words, use punctuation, capitalization, etc and you force this lack of knowledge on your friends. Some things that you share, I just don’t get why you think this isn’t personal, keep-to-yourself information. However, every now and then, there are a few gems that I get a kick out of… see if you can spot those.

  • J. : Male goates have that goat cheese smell. Females don’t.
  • A. is a stone picking machine.
  • J. hates banks… Bro. James has the right idea… mattress banks.
  • A. is more Harold Crick than Jack Bauer lately.
  • S. is a “great” kisser.
  • J. is too tired to think straight. Wait, he never thinks straight. He thinks in curves…
  • K. has some lagoon season passes for sell let me know if you want one.
  • J. : so let me get this straight. Redistribution of wealth is evil, but governments keep it all anyway? Sounds like good business – capitalists jealous?
  • K. is sweating from squash and arranging piano music.
  • C. misses your biscuits.
  • J. : I’m comforted that there is no liberal equivalent to those slanderous viral emails. Are there critical thinkers on the right, or just followers of pundits?
  • M. is getting a massage from mr. felt… ha!
  • M… winner winner chicken dinner.
  • J. aches from excessive gainerage & double flippage.
  • M. is selling her friendship to Susan…anyone else interested?
  • K. needs to remember the ravioli.
  • A. is so close to freedom, he can taste it. Of course, it tastes like chicken.
  • F. is ridding the bus.
  • T. has bubble guts.
  • C. is without clothing and living on the floor.
  • K. is finally seeing I2I.
  • A. is holy cow.
  • M. I see stars when I blow my nose in the shower.
  • A. saith, “Holy conducting final Batman!”
  • S. does hurt… but it will be worth itin the long run… gotta keep it up.
  • M. only has 12 more days until the best day of the summer….Dave Matthews Concert!
  • L. is taking the plunge…the fat lady sang…and im getting hitched.
  • A. is looking for Mr Right or Right now or at least a job.
  • M. thinks can endure her last week of the moisture-life-sucking drug she is on.


  1. I don’t even want to know who the other “J” is. Nothing “J” writes could even remotely be considered a “status.” Facebook should penalize “J” for the blatant misuse of the status function. That’s at least a yellow card and/or 5 minutes in the box.


  2. @kaakun – when was the last time you posted a status on FB?

    @Jarv – I agree… I absolutely agree

    @Katie – if I used my FB status for things I forgot, it would usually say, “wake up on time”


  3. Ha, that’s what mine really should say daily. I hate waking up.

    I won’t lie, I occasionally put things in my status like just to see what kind of a reaction people will have.


  4. Ohh man the status thing drives me crazy! (Maybe you read my status the other day?) 😉 I didn’t want to offend pretty much everyone, but honestly, no one needs(or cares) to know every stinkin’ little detail!


  5. @katie – do you ever get a reaction? I’ve noticed the stats go up by 20+ hits when I shamelessly promote my blog

    @kow – I did see your status and was confused… um, why are FB’s days numbered?


  6. Actually I’m referring to the one I had for a short bit that had the word @#$% in it. 🙂 The most recent status said that MY facebook days are numbered, cuz I’m not so sure I like that site very much.


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