You watched the US Men’s take the gold in the 4×100 freestyle relay last night, right? I was watching that race all by myself at my place (where it was in beautiful high def) with Pogi, my little kitten curled up on my lap. When Lezak, their anchorman, shot through the water to first place over the trash-talking Frenchies, I about threw that kitty across the room in my excitement. This got me to thinking about becoming an Olympic athlete. I could totally do it; I just have to pick the right sport.
Larrie’s Event #1: Horse Saving
Do they have any events that involve horseback riding? I absolutely love doing that and am sure that if I found a sugar daddy to buy me a horse, I could learn. The last time I actually went horseback riding, I was good. I went with my LDS Seminary class in high school. (Do you remember that class, Max? We talked a little about the comparisons between 3rd Nephi and the last days, but we also played a lot of Phase 10 and went on field trips where we saw your Grandpa.) Tragedy struck on our little trip, though, as one of the girls’ horse’s saddle flipped upside down. She managed to jump out without injury, but her now bucking horse scared another horse in the group, which threw one of the other girls and she broke her wrist. Now we had two freaked out horses: one was trying to buck its saddle off and had just slammed into the side of a van (big dent), the other was racing wild-eyed off the other way. “Go catch that horse!”
So what did I do? I grabbed my reigns, tightened my knees into the saddle (I was slightly standing) and raced off after the wild-eyed horse. Of course I didn’t think about the fact that my horse might pick up on the contagious freaking out. I WAS CALM IN THE FACE OF FREAKED-OUT NATURE. I caught that horse and brought it back to the corral. See? If there was an Olympic event in chasing down wild-eyed horses, I could totally bring home the gold.
Larrie’s Event #2: Words that refer to the buttocks
Or perhaps they could create a new event for Cranium. I seriously rock that board game. A couple of years back, I went to a New Year’s Eve party, but showed up a little late. The teams were even (if I remember correctly, Carolyn and Jon were rocking the trivia for the team I eventually joined) and so when my sister and I arrived, they split us up. Before long, my team pulled into the lead and we were ready to take home the win. The other team had to pick our final card and they chose the yellow category, Word Worm (spelling and vocabulary). HA! One of the guys pulled out the card and began reading; it was a Lexicon, which gives you four possible definitions for an obscure word. He couldn’t read the word correctly and handed it to another guy next to him.
“Ca-lip…” He was sounding out the word.
“CALLIPYGIAN!” Yes, it’s true; I shouted the word. What a great word! At this point, my sister rolled her eyes because the win was in the bag.
I defined the word and even told him the etymology.
“Having a shapely buttocks; from Greek.”
Winners! I’d like my gold medal now.
(Three more friends mentioned because they took my survey: Max, Jon and Carolyn. Check, check and check.)