Well-Adjusted Adults Require Bloody Childhood Experiences


DOC: Why the late appointment today?

LRE: Sometimes, I work. Sometimes, I even take my lunch break to eat lunch. We took Freddy to lunch for his birthday today and then I worked. Amazing, I know.

DOC: Wow, impressive. Look at you all acting like an adult and such.

LRE: Don’t tell anybody.

DOC: So are you doing okay with having missed your therapy session last week?

LRE: Are you kidding me?

DOC: Um, no…

LRE: I had an entire week of therapy in California: the beach, vacation, sleeping in (sort of), Disneyland. It felt fantabulous to take time off from work. I still had to do school, though, but I managed.

DOC: And you survived a week with your family?

LRE: So does it actually mean that we’re growing up if I can’t remember any sibling arguments? We didn’t even really push each others’ buttons. Unless they waited until I was writing a paper and then started punching or smashed through a glass door.

DOC: What?

LRE: That’s what happens when Mom and Dad put me in charge.

DOC: Were you in charge on the vacation?

LRE: No. Nobody’s in charge on vacations. At least until we go out in the sun and then the moms are in charge of saving the kids from cancer.

DOC: So when were you in charge?

LRE: Many years ago. Once upon a time, Mom said I was in charge and left the house with Dad. Let’s see… it was me, Thane, Maren and James still at home. So of course being the responsible big sister, I sat down to watch TV in my dad’s office while Maren and Thane were jumping outside on the tramp.

DOC: Where was James?

LRE: Sometimes, I forget. Maybe we’d put him to bed already. Yeah, that’s it.

DOC: Okay…

LRE: So Maren and Thane started fighting and I could hear yelling then running as Thane chased Maren to the back door. I’m still not sure how, but she got inside and the door slammed shut behind her; Thane put his hands up to stop himself and… when I heard the door shatter, I ran to see what kind of mess they made. Poor Thane had used the metal bar in the middle of the door to stop himself.

DOC: How?

LRE: With his face.

DOC: What?

LRE: Yeah, and he had braces. His mouth was all bloody and the floor was covered in glass so what did I, the caring, older, more responsible sister do? Get mad at them for fighting and tell them that THEY BETTER CLEAN IT UP BEFORE MOM AND DAD GET HOME OR ELSE.

DOC: Wow, SO caring.

LRE: Hey, the week before, my older brothers had pushed me off of the trampoline and I had face-planted in the grass. I also had braces. You’d think I’d have sympathy after that, but it was a trait I was still learning.

DOC: Ah, but being the professional doctor that I am, I can officially tell you that NOW, you are a genuinely caring, tender person who has left all facetiousness behind in your rough childhood.

LRE: I concur.



  1. Ps, i didn’t ever get inside the door. I had the moment where I freaked out cuz I realized I didn’t have enough time to open the door by the time he got to me. I chickened out and stepped aside…which, I think, makes the story even better. Silly Thane


  2. That’s right Marv didn’t make it inside. I may have been younger but I was still fast as lightning then. She tried to open the door and I tried to shut it, but instead I went through it. And for the record there was hardly any blood. I remember being initially freaked out but then when there wasn’t much blood I wasn’t worried too much; I was just concerned as to how much the door was going to cost me. Thank goodness it was a shatter proof glass pane otherwise I could have had serious cuts, even nerve damage. Whew. Moral of the story, Marv wasn’t fast enough to make it into the house.


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