That’s Me… the Libra in the Corner

Horoscopes mean EVERYTHING to me (no facetiousness in that statement WHATSOEVER). I plan my dating life based on what InStyle Magazine says will be an ideal time for romance. I watch the stars for signs to buy and sell stocks. I go and get my palm read to determine when to ask for my next raise. Currently, the InStyle Magazine guidance is the only thing that’s falling short for me since I’m still unhitched. But I don’t talk about dating on this blog (shucks, I know).

I bought me a new TV last weekend, in preparation for the big move into my place (possibly happening this weekend, mortgage lender issues pending). Thane gave me a bit of a hard time for the amount of money that I spent on it. I’m here to tell you that it’s not MY FAULT. It’s the fault of my ruling planet, Venus, because I am a Libra.

Let me tell you what it means for Larrie to be a Libra—and we’ll go with list style because those are usually more entertaining to read.

• I’m overflowing with good taste and elegance thanks to Venus, but I also spend money on all things luxurious with frivolous abandon.
• I’m never the last picked on any team, even with a bum toe, because the stars have made me so likeable.
• I’m the poster child for IT social skills, covering every angle: IM charm, exceptional email manners, and elegant entries in the wiki.
• I despise being alone and therefore surround myself with friends and lovers… or cats, which are easier relationships to maintain.
• I only date Gemini and Aquarius. (I have NO clue when your birthday should be in order to qualify for this lucky category.)
• Libras rule the lower back, buttocks and kidney; therefore, I have a callipygian bootay (for a white girl) and well-defined back—just don’t look at the herniation between L5 and S1, yikes.
• I’m supposed to serve as the calming influence in teams, but usually find out that I’m more there for comic relief. (Not sure how to take that one.)
• This is my favorite characteristic: my laid-back nature is often mistaken for being lazy, but when it’s so much easier for me to complete tasks than for you, it just makes me LOOK lazy when I finish so quickly and have time to kill.
• I was supposed to be a lawyer, artist, interior decorator, banker, social worker, beautician, antiques dealer, administrator, mediator, landscaper or academic counselor; clearly the stars were involved in picking my current career path as a software tester.
• And last, I’m totally hot.

It’s good being a Libra. Hear it for the Scales!