Google Thinks I’m a Man

Even though I am definitely a woman, Google has me pegged as a man. That’s what I learned today.

Apparently I’ve confused the giant search engine because under my Google settings, in a tab called Ads Preferences, it determined how old I am and my gender based on my search preferences. I think Google is just sexist, defining men or women by search categories. However, if you look at the list, that doesn’t exactly scream MALE to me. What do you think?

Two of those are shopping. That says male to Google? I guess they’re thrown by the first two categories: bikes and computers/electronics. I wonder if I spent an afternoon searching for certain categories how it would rate me.

If I spent a day searching for…

• Viagra
• Bratz
• HCG
• Tampons
• Always with Wings
• The Dick Van Dyke Show
• My Buddy
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
• Ensure
• Depends
• Hosiery
• My Little Ponies ( teenage boy or girl?)
• Cats / Kittens / Lots and lots of kitty videos

If I clicked the link to edit my settings and it displayed a longer list of what I search for. Turns out I also spend time on the web searching for these:

• Movies
• Business Finance
• Small Business
• Computer Security
• Software
• Smart Phones
• Government
• Economy News
• Sports News
• Social Networks
• Economics
• Astronomy
• American Football

Not one entry for cat searches. So surprising~!

So how old does Google think YOU are and did it pick the right gender?

2011: The Year of The Dictator

I’ve thought about writing a Larrie’s-year-in-review post since sometime in mid-December but nothing seemed to materialize.

Sure you could blame that on me not attempting to write it. Apparently, words don’t just appear all by themselves. Shucks.

At one point, I tried pulling out my Google Calendar to review all of the happenings in my life the last year. I mostly saw work meetings. Yawn. Turns out, I don’t necessarily update my calendar with the GOOD stuff.

But, I realized today why I haven’t really wanted to sum up my year for you: how can it compare to what happened worldwide?

• U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords survived being shot in the head
• Tunisian government dissolved
• Mubarek steps down as President of Egypt
• Serious earthquake in Christchurch, NZ
• Rebecca Black—need I say more?
• Japan’s terrible earthquake and nuclear plant disaster
• All-night TV broadcasts of the Royal Wedding
• Twitter breaks the news about Osama bin Laden’s death
• Rapture: did you miss the end of the world?
• Disastrous tornado in Joplin, Missouri
• Vancouver riots over the Stanley Cup
• Final space shuttle mission for NASA
• Japan wins the Woman’s World Cup!
• Riots in UK, not over hockey, but spread through Blackberry Messenger
• Virginia earthquake even shakes up New Yorkers
• Gaddafi captured in Libya and eventually killed
• Ten years after 9/11
• Occupy Wall Street
• Iran releases US hikers imprisoned for two years
• Saudi women won the right to vote (but not drive)
• Steve Jobs died
• End of the Iraq War
• 7 billion people on this planet
• Kim Jong Il Dead

How can I compete with that? Real things are happening, like earthquakes, tornados, riots, the deaths of dictators, and the victory of the little Japanese women over the cocky American women in the World cup.

How about, instead, I simply copy the twitter hashtag: #2011in4words. In only four words, sum up the year 2011. How would you describe the last year? Here’s mine:

Time spent with Nathan.

My First Elkins Christmas

Last year, Nathan and I shared our first Christmas, but we were a few days short of being married so I slept at my parents, then drove over to our condo to exchange gifts. It was so nice this year to wake up next to him for our first married Christmas.

I could go on and on about everything that we did to celebrate, include all sorts of details and go off on tangents, but then this blog would be too long for Nathan to read

Instead, here’s the summarized list of a beautiful Christmas:

• Having a real pine tree in the house smelled festive.
• Dinner on Christmas Eve with Ryan, Laura and Bears was tasty, relaxing, and fun to open gifts from them and Mom & Dad.
• I’m really blessed to have such wonderful in-laws (besides giving great gifts, they’re also just great people that I love spending time with).
• Christmas morning, Nathan and I opened gifts from each other and everything was just what we needed.
• My favorite part of Christmas was going to church–Nathan spoke in our ward and brought the spirit to the meeting, then I had the chance to accompany my Mom who was a special guest playing an arrangement of Silent Night on the violin. Mom, Dad, Grumma, Pete, Genny, and Cat all came to our ward with us so we shared the meeting with family as well as ward family.
• After church, we went home to wrap gifts and call Mom and Dad Elkins to wish them Merry Christmas in Texas!
• Sunday afternoon was the traditional lunch at Grumma’s where she served lil’ smokies on an orange because we all told her it wouldn’t be Christmas without them! The great grandkids had a blast with a white elephant and then the grandkids (which includes me and Nathan) received a special book this year that Grumma made for us. I love it.
• Christmas evening was with my parents and the entire family where we spent a long time opening presents because of the number of people exchanging gifts we got for each other. Good thing we draw names so we’re not opening even more gifts. Grumma would just love that.
• At times, the get togethers would get really loud with so many people in one room and so many excited children, but it reminded me of something Nathan told me he’d been thinking about in preparation for his talk: that when Jesus was born, we sing about it being a Silent Night, however, it probably wasn’t silent at all up in heaven. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to think that I at least tried out for the choir of angels who sang at his birth

Christmas Time is Here!

This is just to say…

• Christmas treats are delicious
• Too bad it won’t be a white Christmas here
• But we should have blue skies, no inversion
• We finally put up decorations and our tree this week
• Pogi has not eaten the tree or even knocked off one ornament (yet)
• Lots of time with family (even though we really miss fam in Texas)
• Cross your fingers that my fantasy team manages to pull off a championship (it’s close)
• Time off of work, hip hip pooray!
• And lots of time to spend with Nathan, thanks to holiday vacation time!

What’s on your list?

Google’s 2011 Review [video]

Google released its annual Zeitgeist report, portraying the most popular search terms of 2011 by region and worldwide. It’s been a crazy year. Looking back over it, by watching this video, I was touched by how fragile life is, that there are still lots of good people all over the world, and that Apple dominated the news. Yes, that’s right… I was touched by Apple. We own a little of their stock so now, I am touched by them in the news. Emotionally. Nothing inappropriate.

I am grateful that for the year 2011, I had someone to share everything with and I look forward to sharing many many more years with Nathan (and hopefully many more Rebecca Black singles).

Did Google document something that you experienced in 2011?

Looking At The Stars

Stars are my favorite things about getting away from the city, whether it’s from a drive up the canyon, out camping, or staying at my parents’ cabin. Every single time, I am amazed by how many stars are up there.

Joanna was my young women’s camp director back in the day. She was an expert on the constellations and I loved it. Becca and I could point out two dozen constellations by the time we were Laurels, thanks to Joanna. I wish I still remembered them all. But I still remember some. Especially my favorite: Draco.

I remember driving home from Kansas with Shanny, back when we were maybe 20, and pulling over for the stars. It was a long drive home and we were so close: cruising around the twists and turns of Highway 6 after passing Price, UT sometime after dark. We opened the moon roof on the Volvo and could see at least a hundred stars through it. I kept looking up. Turns out, that’s not safe when I’m driving. And Highway 6 is such a safe road. Or one of the most dangerous in America.

So in order for both Shanny and I to continue living, I pulled over in an area where there was a very large shoulder.

We both got out of the car and stared up at the stars. Semis barreled past on the highway, about 50 feet away, and their headlights were annoying. But I could see Cygnus the Swan flying across the Milky Way. Stars everywhere.

Eventually, we got back in the car when our necks started to hurt and drove safely home.

One of these days, I’m going to relearn the constellations that I have forgotten. And learn even more.

When was the last time that you looked up at the stars? Could you see very many or were the city lights an obstruction? Was it cloudy or clear? Can you find constellations or just the Big Dipper?

And if there was one new star in the sky would you notice?

Even if it was a bright star? Maybe just a bit brighter than Jupiter?

Just one new star.

Who would notice?

And who would follow it?

Thanksgiving Confession: I Ate Sugar

You knew, didn’t you? You knew that I couldn’t quit sugar during the holidays. But you didn’t say anything. You just waited… knowing.

I ate sugar on Thanksgiving. So kill me. And do you know that it tasted delicious? Deeeeee.lish.us.

It is NOT physically possible to turn down Grumma’s pumpkin pie.

And Maren made pear pie. That’s just fun to say. Try it. Pear pie. Great. Now, EAT IT. Yum!

This year, we celebrated at my parents’ home, even though Mom was dealing with some major jaw/tooth pain and swelling. We had no idea until we showed up at the house, though.

Nathan and I walked in, bearing food, the house smelled like a feast, we waltzed into the kitchen and surprise, Mom’s face is swollen.

And yet, the turkey’s nearly done, the table’s set, and the buffet of goodness is spread in bowls along the kitchen counters. This is where you look around, holding your measly one appetizer and one bowl of mashed potatoes and say, “oh, we could have helped if we’d known.” Thankfully Grumma helped them.

Here are a few pics of the tasty event:

Prosciutto-wrapped crudités as an appetizer. And it’s my fault the olive oil isn’t nicely drizzled, but looks like it leaked out of random stalks of broccoli.

Mern and Dustin eating very small amounts (don’t you think?) at their first of two Thanksgiving dinners.

Check out the purple plates—more appropriately they should be called platters. The larger the more food you can pile on. And so many pretty colors, Margie King would be proud!

Yay family! Me, Nathan, Grumma (hiding), Mom (hiding her swollen jaw), James, Grandma, Dustin and Mern. Dad took the pic and look, his plate’s already been licked clean, he was THAT hungry.

I Miss My Friend, Sugar

I used to eat lots of sugar. LOTS.

We’re talking about keeping stashes of fun size candy bars in different drawers and boxes at work.

Or wandering around looking in people’s offices to see if anyone happened to bring in donuts that day. After I found the box of donuts, I would do a little scheming. Let’s see, what do I have I could ask that person about a project of some sort?

“Hey Stephen,” I’d say, “I have a question about setting up automated tests in TFS. Have you done that often? Oh, look, you have donuts.”

“Oh yeah, you want one?”

“Oh, are you totally sure? I don’t want to take them from you and your team. Oh, is there a MAPLE donut?!”

I have a problem. I suppose you might call it an ADDICTION.

Which means I totally fail at “moderation in all things.”

So I haven’t eaten a candy bar since lunchtime on Tuesday.

Look, you might not think that this is a big deal, but IT IS.

There is this Reese’s Peanut Butter cup that is totally TAUNTING me from the treat bucket on the shelf behind me at work. Every time I look over my shoulder, it gets up and does a little dance. AND it’s bright orange so I notice it CONSTANTLY out of my peripheral.

Somebody else please come in and eat it before I do.

Yesterday afternoon, I was SO hungry. I didn’t think I would make it to the end of the day and survive the drive home to my husband’s delicious dinner. And do you know what I really wanted to eat?

The dancing PB cup, of course!

So instead, I ate some oatmeal. PLAIN oatmeal. WITHOUT brown sugar. It tasted like mushy cardboard. Oh boy. And while I was eating it, I read this story on Mashable that told me 16% of cell phones have POO on them. I didn’t finish all of my oatmeal. I threw away the last few bites of cardboard and got out several packages of alcohol wipes. Today, my phone is clean and totally POOP free. Also, my keyboard has been swabbed as has my mouse.

Back to yesterday after I had discarded the mushy cardboard and cleaned up my poop phone, I was still hungry. Sad face. Even the orange wrapper of that evil Reese’s cup looked yummy. So I ate some peanut butter. Just a little bit.

When I got home, Nathan made dinner. It was DELICIOUS, people. That PB cup at work couldn’t hold a candle to our salmon dinner.

See?

However, today, it’s still sitting there. All of the tootsie rolls in the treat bucket have hoisted it up on their shoulders like it’s just scored the game winning touchdown and now, all it wants to do is either go to Disneyland or satisfy my sugar craving.

Go to Disneyland evil little candy bar!

I’m going to eat mushy cardboard and drink a gallon of water.

YUMMY!

Have you ever tried to go off sugar? How did it go? Did you try to get rid of ALL sugars or just focused on the more sinister, refined stuff?

Delicious Eyeballs!

Even though I didn’t dress up this year, there was still plenty of Halloween action that DIDN’T involve taking woven witch baskets BACK from grown women.

This year, we went to the annual Achter soup / pumpkin carving party. The only thing that could have made it more fun was if we put our soup IN our pumpkin after we’d carved it. It was a packed house with TONS of soups to choose from, all which were delicious, and treats GAlore. and I really mean oodles and oodles.

We didn’t want to show up empty-handed so while I went to help play the piano at a stake baptism, Nathan started making cupcakes filled with BLOOOOOOD! I think our final product looked pretty good and I licked plenty of cream cheese frosting off of my fingers after we had frosted them all.

At the party, we helped nieces and nephews carve their pumpkins before digging into ours. Here was our final creation. Can you tell what it is?

Well, what was your guess?

Pogi hiding in a box?

Nope.

The sun setting over the Great Salt Lake?

Nope.

Philip Rivers figuring out how to throw touchdowns?

I wish.

Here it is with the candles lit and the lights out. Now can you tell what it is?

A SKELETON. We like how it turned out.

Saving Halloween

This is the first year that I didn’t dress up for Halloween. In all of my years. Sigh.

Anyway, it was a relaxing Halloween where we watched a frustrating Monday Night Football game… frustrating because Philip Rivers is on my fantasy team and just doesn’t deliver. Boo to him.

During halftime of the game, we went over to my parents to borrow one of their cars (Nathan’s car is in the shop, sad panda). On the drive over, I remembered how on Halloween, you throw all of your cautions out the window. Little girls dress in scandalous outfits, kids throw eggs at houses that don’t have candy, and they all just wander out in the street without looking for traffic—wearing black costumes.

We pulled into my parents’ driveway and I noticed a rather large group yelling “trick or treat” at Rosemary’s home next door.

They seemed rambunctious, even the couple of parents that were with them.

We walked up to my parents’ front door.

Nathan knocked, yelling “Trick or Treat” and Mom answered. But she looked… confused. She was looking around on the porch.

“Hey, where’s my witch basket?”

Every year, my parents fill this black wicker basket with candy and leave it on the front porch because they’re not usually home. It has a stuffed witch attached to the handle with these bright orange arms. They’ve put it out for years and sometimes they have candy left at the end of the night, and sometimes a kid takes it all early in the evening.

Well, this year, apparently, all of the candy AND the basket were taken.

We looked around the yard briefly and then I went walking after that group that had been pestering Rosemary for candy.

By this time, they were around the corner just leaving the Neuffer’s home. As I walked towards their group, I noticed the bright orange arms of our witch.

And a mom was holding our basket.

Seriously. THE MOM.

I went and got it back, but first, she whipped away, grabbed her son’s pillowcase and dumped all of the candy in. Then she handed the basket to him and he gave it back to me, apologizing.

Back to home, I gave Mom her witch basket back and she found some Twizzlers to give to some cute little kids who showed up a few minutes later, apologizing that our “good” candy was stolen.

Then we turned off all of the lights and left for the night.

I hope my parents didn’t get egged for not having candy anymore.